Unfaithful Child/Spouse

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"I Think God Would Want Me to Be Happy!"

- By Andy Diestelkamp
 

The man walked away from his marriage and his two children. A year later he found another woman who made him feel "alive." His first marriage had been a struggle from the beginning, and it had only gotten worse. He wasn't happy; neither was she. He had always viewed divorce as wrong, but his situation was unique. When questioned from a biblical perspective about his plans to marry again, he acknowledged that he had no right, but he said, "I think God would want me to be happy."

The girl was just sixteen. She came from a broken home. Her father had divorced her mother ten years previously. Although outgoing and popular at school, she still struggled with insecurities. She craved the attention the boys gave her. She knew fornication was wrong, but her situation was unique. She was lonely and being with "him" made her feel happy and secure. When questioned from a biblical perspective about her immoral intimacy, she acknowledged it wasn't right, but she said, "I think God would want me to be happy." She never imagined that she would get pregnant after just one time. She was scared. A baby would change all of her plans for the future. She became depressed. She went to the clinic and poured out her heart to a counselor. She couldn't consider abortion. God wouldn't like that. The counselor said, "I think God would want you to be happy."

The woman, divorced for sixteen years, had had a hard life. Her "ex" was remarried and happy. Her oldest daughter had left home five years ago; they had not spoken since the abortion. Her son had just graduated from high school. Neither of her children had ever obeyed the gospel. Bitterness and discouragement crept into her heart. The church she was part of was small and aging. She wasn't happy. Her friends from work invited her to their church. She went. She found people her own age in her own circumstances. They bonded. The small and aging church got smaller and aged some more. When the woman was approached about her exchange of the truth of God for a lie, she acknowledged that her new church did some things she was uncomfortable with, but she said, "I think God would want me to be happy."

The, "I think God would want me to be happy" line has been used by many to justify their immorality and apostasy. The rationale is based on a self-centered definition of happiness and the assumption that God wants that kind of happiness for us. This rationalization ignores or is blind to all the unhappiness in its wake. The man divorces to be happy but leaves behind an unhappy family. The girl fornicates to be happy and increases her unhappiness. She aborts to be happy and deprives her child of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The mother abandons her faith to be happy. All of this is done because people presume that God wants them to be happy.

Can you imagine? Eve observes the potential of the forbidden fruit to make her happy and reasons, "I know that God said, 'you shall not eat,' but I think God would want me to be happy," (Gen. 3:6). We ought to consider that God's boundaries are established for our happiness.

Ahab couldn't be happy unless he had a certain vineyard. "I know that God said, 'you shall not kill,' but I think God would want me to be happy." Did Ahab and Jezebel give any consideration to Naboth's happiness (1 Ki. 21:4-7)?

Demas may have reasoned, "I know I should stay and work with Paul, but I think God would want me to be happy," (2 Tim. 4:10). This may hit a little close to home if our personal happiness is determined by how well things happen to be going for us in this present world. Many rationalize and excuse themselves from sacrificial spiritual service because, ultimately, we think God would want us to be happy!

In our affluence we have become obsessed with the importance of being happy. Solomon had been there and done that and concluded that it is vanity (Eccl. 2:1-11). George Bernard Shaw quipped, "The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not." Indeed, for many the quest for "happiness" has only brought greater misery.

People are looking for happiness in all the wrong places. Most recall Solomon's conclusion to "Fear God and keep His commandments for this is the whole duty of man," (Eccl. 12:13), but miss that this conclusion is also the key to true and abiding happiness. "Happy are the people whose God is Jehovah," (Psa. 144:15) and whose hope is in Him (Psa. 146:5). Fearing Jehovah and walking in His ways bring happiness to everything from the food you eat to the family with whom you share it (Psa. 128:1-4). Blessing comes to those who revere, trust, and obey Jehovah God (Prov. 16:20; 28:14; 29:18). It is not the pursuit of happiness that brings happiness but the pursuit of God's will.

The exemplary models of faith are not found pursuing happiness. What kind of example would Job have been if he had just given up to be happier? It is his endurance through extreme unhappiness that makes him noteworthy (Jas. 5:10,11). What if Mary had decided she would be happier if she aborted her Child? Ultimately, Mary found her happiness in being able to serve the will of God (Lk. 1:38).

If Jesus had decided He would have been happier in heaven we would be lost! We are called to imitate Jesus' selfless attitude (Phil. 2:5-8). When a man divorces his wife for personal happiness, he is not esteeming others better than himself (vs. 3). When a woman aborts her child to achieve happiness, she is looking out for her own interests and not the interests of her baby (vs. 4). These attitudes do not reflect the mind of Christ.

God has not called us to happiness as we define happiness. On the contrary, we have been called to suffer, if need be, for the cause of Christ (1 Pet. 2:19-21). It is better to suffer for doing good than to do evil in a misguided effort to be happy (3:17). There is no value in suffering as an evildoer, yet if any suffers as a Christian there is no shame, but an occasion to rejoice and be glad (4:12-16).

Does God want you to be happy? Indeed he does! Yet, the scriptures that inform you that God desires your eternal happiness also say that He hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), and that we must flee fornication (1 Cor. 6:18), and that God hates hands that shed innocent blood (Prov. 6:17), and that we must be faithful unto death (Rev. 2:10).

None of God's word can be ignored or compromised to secure the happiness that God offers. Yes, God wants us to be happy, and that is why we must hate what He hates and love what He loves. Jesus said, "If you know these things, happy are you if you do them," (Jn. 13:17). If you do not have the happiness that God offers, then either you don't know the things of God or you aren't doing them.

http://www.thinkonthesethings.com

Our Lord wants us to be happy and He tells us in His word what will bring true happiness in humble obedience.

 1 And seeing the multitudes, he went up into the mountain: and when he had sat down, his disciples came unto him:

 2 and he opened his mouth and taught them, saying,

 3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

 5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

 6 Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

 7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

 8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God.

 10 Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 11 Blessed are ye when men shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

 12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets that were before you.

Matthew 5


Is there a topic you'd like discussed
concerning an unbelieving/unfaithful
child or husband?


  • Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help,
    Whose hope is in the LORD his God, Psalm 146:5
  • Happy is the man who finds wisdom, 
    And the man who gains understanding; Proverbs 3:13
  • He who despises his neighbor sins; 
    But he who has mercy on the poor, happy is he. Proverbs 14:21
  • He who heeds the word wisely will find good, 
    And whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he. Proverbs 16:20
  • Happy is the man who is always reverent, but he who hardens his heart will fall into calamity. Prov 28:14
  • For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Rom. 14:17
  • Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Rom. 15:13
  • But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Gal. 5:22
  • My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. Jam. 1:2-3
  • That the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls. 1 Pet. 1:7-8
  • Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.  Jude 24-25



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Use this box
for "What I wish
everyone knew about
having an unfaithful child/husband."

WHAT WE WISH EVERYONE KNEW ABOUT HAVING AN UNFAITHFUL CHILD/SPOUSE

  •  I too know the feeling of unfaithful children.  It hurts but they were raised the same, one is a terrific person and the other is mad at the world and always in trouble.  Have hopes for the terrific person, cause she knows the truth.  Even when she married her husband who had been married before, she said "Yes, Mom he has a scriptural divorce," before I could even ask her the question myself. She knows the truth but still will not attend any church that she chooses.
  •  Don't think it can't happen to you. It can. I used to think the same thing when I was younger. I train my child right, my child is a Christian, no, my child will never fall away. Then she did. The hurt that is felt is worse than anything else. It's worse than a death.
  • We cast all our care upon Him who careth for you.
  • "After we've done everything we can do in training, nurturing, correcting, warning, being the best example we know how . . . and our child is still being willfully disobedient to God, we have to realize, in the end it is a matter between our child and God. We must learn to let go and leave the outcome in God's hands. We can't always protect our children from sin and its consequences, much as we desperately want to. Turn the problem over to God and pray, pray, pray!"
  • "I understand how mothers sometimes begin to wonder if they might be responsible in some way for how their child turned out.  I do know better, but have found myself trying to look back and figure out what I could or should have done differently.   We did the best we knew how to do with our children.  One died unfaithful, and the other has fluctuated back and forth over the years, and is currently unfaithful, and totally uninterested in the Lord's church, or the consequence of sin.  Yes, I wish we had done some things differently - but raising children is an on-the-job training assignment.  And what works for child #1 may not work for child #2.   And it does no good to dwell on what has passed, because it cannot be changed now.

 


UNFAITHFUL CHILD/SPOUSE ARCHIVES

SERIES ARCHIVES

Learn to Trust Unfaithful Husband (1) Responses to "Can I ever learn to trust again?" (2) Writings on building trust (3) Stop adultery before it starts (4) To the unfaithful spouse (5) To the woman who divorced her unfaithful husband (6) Letters to the other woman and to the betrayed woman. (7) Various added comments

ARCHIVES BY YEAR

2006

  • Parable of the Lost Son (Part 1)
  • Parable of the Lost Son (Part 2)
  • Parable of the Lost Son (Part 3) by P. Gates
  • Who's the Boss?
  • Stronger Tomorrow 
  • Should We Tell Others About Our Child's Unfaithfulness? 

2007

  • Expect More Out of Your Kids
  • I Was Sentenced to Death in the Electric Chair
  • The young mother set her foot on the path of life....
  • The Mother of the Prodigal Son (poem)
  • Why Do "Good" People Do "Bad" Things?
  • Parents and the Prodigal
  • A Plea for Help (a letter from a reader)
  • Your Parents Can't Make You Go to Heaven!
  • Should I Make My Child Attend Worship and Bible Study?

2008

  • New Drug Dealers...Your Medicine Cabinet
  • My Child Was Lost, Now is Found
  • An Encouraging Note
  • Husband not what he appears to be
  • Should church discipline be pursued by the wife of the "hypocritical husband"?
  • Prepare Yourself for Your Child's Sake (preventing drug abuse)
  • Drug Paraphernalia
  • Signs of Drug Abuse
  • Drug Specific Symptoms

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2009

  • I Saw a Child
  • Don't's  and Do's
  • Children Learn What They Live
  • Fulfillment (a poem)
  • Warning: nude pictures via cell phone
  • Family Feelings
  • When Your Adult Child Doesn't Call
  • Teaching Children and Grandchildren

2010

  • When the Vow Breaks
  • When a Spouse Has Cheated on You Repetitively
  • Prints of Elbows on My Bed (poem)
  • Return of the Prodigal
  • Seeking the Lost
  • Translating Teen's Cell Phone Text Messages
  • How Some Teens Are Using Their Cell Phones
  • Is "Lust" the Equivalent to "Adultery"?
  • Advice to One Addicted to Porn
  • Winning the Battle Against Pornography
  • Is Pornography Grounds for Divorce?
  • The Prodigal
  • How to Raise Children
  • I Loved You Enough (poem)
  • 5 Smooth Stones of Parenting
  • The Responsibility of a Parent Towards an Adult Child Who is Unfaithful
  • Q & A concerning a daughter with a live-in boyfriend
  • Yet Do Not Count Him As An Enemy

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