He Was Lost and Is Found

Prepare Yourself for Your Child's Sake
Pat Gates

My heart goes out to any family who has a child involved with drugs. It happens not only in families where discipline and love is lacking, but it also happens in faithful Christian homes where the children were raised in truth, discipline and love. The temptation of drugs may be peer pressure, an act of independence (going about that in the wrong way of course) or just plain curiosity with full intention of just trying it once.

Parents, in general, are often ignorant of drug use in their child, but Christian parents may be more so because they take for granted their child knows better and would never be involved in the drug scene. Do your child a favor and don't blind yourself to the temptation he/she faces daily - peer pressure. Be prepared and be on guard against this terrible enemy -- drug abuse.

(Grandma's, this is for you as well - especially those of you who have a lot of contact with your grandchildren.)

Tips to help prevent and to help stop drug abuse in your children:

It's not fair to your child for you to be naive. Just because you are raising your child in a godly home doesn't mean your child can't be tempted. Too many Christian parents have the idea their child knows the truth about drugs and they don't need to worry about them, therefore the parents are not warning their children about drugs. Don't wait until their teenage years, teach them as soon as they are old enough to understand drug abuse as there are elementary kids doing drugs and "huffing." Your young child may not associate taking a whiff of a chemical or taking one tiny little pill with drug abuse and therefore they may believe it's harmless and not a sin. Don't take for granted your child understands what drug abuse is. Don't be naive and believe your child won't be tempted; peer pressure is a tool Satan uses against good children who otherwise have no interest in doing drugs.

Educate yourself on drugs, drug paraphernalia, and the signs of drug abuse. Teenagers believe their parents, in general, aren't too smart about the ways of the world, and that creates confidence that their parents would never recognize they are abusing drugs. Educate yourself and let your children know you aren't going to be ignorant. Create some good, healthy fear in them.

On the other hand, after your education, don't be so paranoid that with every mood swing you think your child is on drugs and you accuse him/her of such, after all they are teenagers. Just try your best to keep your eyes open with wisdom and patience. It isn't easy; mistakes will probably be made as there isn't a parent alive that hasn't made a mistake or two. Just try your best, in wisdom and patience.

Remember, the "drug scene" is all around them. It is not just in a club or dark alley, it's the school, the mall, and maybe even at the best friend's house that you've known since he was a baby. When I was young one of my cousins got hooked on drugs at a friend's house who lived next door to him. My uncle and aunt were good, faithful Christians, but they were ignorant of the fact that the drug scene, in their son's case, was right next door.

Teach your child not only the dangers of drug abuse, but that it is a sin. Don't take for granted your child knows the danger and they will refuse them on that reasoning alone. "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child." Your child also needs to understand drug abuse is a sin before God.

Raise your child in truth and love. Be consistent in your meeting with the saints on the Lord's day, Wednesday nights, etc. Associate with Christians. Have home Bible studies with your child. Listen to them and give them respect; help build their confidence to say "no" to temptation. Hug them and always make sure they know you love them and that they are important to you.

Warn your child that you will not put up with drug use. Make sure they understand a stiff punishment will follow drug abuse, even if it is their first time... especially if it's the first time. Be consistent in all areas of their life, or they will know this is just more empty talk. Fear is a good deterrent. Be patient and loving when you talk to them, but be firm and unyielding when it comes to the danger and the sin of drug use. And be sure the punishment is such that they will be afraid to use drugs again. I'm not talking a severe beating or anything that maybe going overboard, but they must know the seriousness of what they have done. This is true with alcohol and smoking, as well. Smoking is terribly addicting and very difficult to stop. In fact, I know an ex-drug user who is also an ex-smoker, who said it was easier for him to stop the drugs than to stop the smoking.

Be loving, but tough. Be tough, but loving. Have your eyes open in regards to your child's friends, their behavior, and what you may find in the house or what is missing. Kids are smart and they can play their parents, especially when they think their parent is naive on the ways of the world. And don't think your child can't lie or deceive (in their mind not telling all the truth is OK, it's not really a lie.) If your child is involved in drugs already, then they are involved in lying. Drug users are expert liars and that means your child as well. You need to dismiss the notion that you have always been able to tell when your child was lying - this is no longer true when they are on drugs. It's not that the drug itself gives them the power to deceive, but lying becomes such a habit with drug use that their conscience becomes seared; this enables them to lie without blinking an eye.

Check on them and don't allow too much freedom because they are "so mature" and "trustworthy" that you don't need to know what they are doing in their spare time. Little Johnny who your son grew up in the neighborhood with and was such a sweet little boy may now be on drugs and is after your son to try it. You may not recognize drug use in Johnny and he will talk to you like he always has, sweet and innocent. Set boundaries with your child and make sure your rules are followed. You do not need, nor should you, trust him/her 100%. Do you trust yourself 100% to always do the right thing or do you understand you can be tempted with whatever your weakness is? Don't apologize to your child when she says to you in that accusing voice, "You don't trust me?!" With confidence say, "No, I don't trust anyone, including myself, 100%. That's exactly why God tells us to be watchful and to examine ourselves. I don't trust us because I don't trust Satan."

No, you did not give your child his own room so that it can be a monastery where no one may enter and he can set his own rules. In fact, you did not GIVE your child his room at all... it is your's, he is just staying in it. He is suppose to live in it according to YOUR rules. Come on, don't be naive and fall for that, "You invaded my privacy" bit. If you have reason to believe he is going against your rules, by all means, invade. You may save his life.

Your child's room is your property that you are legally responsible for. As long as your child, whether a minor or an adult, is living on your property they have no privacy rights when it comes to drugs. If the child is an adult, they either adhere to your rules, or they leave.

In conclusion: Be fair, be patient, be loving, be nice, be respectful, but be the parent your children needs; be the parent who is firm, knowledgeable, consistent, the authority, and the disciplinarian. Your child needs to be able to tell their friend, "My mom will 'kill me', if I do that." Yes, it would be great for all our children to say, "No, I won't do drugs because it is a sin against God and I don't want to displease Him." Perhaps some of you have a child like this, but many do not and to save face with their friends, it is always easier to blame their hesitance on their parents and how "uncool" they are and the consequences if they ever found out. They need to understand that, indeed, there will be bad consequences and to have that good healthy fear in them.

Your child needs to be afraid of the drugs themselves and with education and warning, from a young age, this knowledge can help your child to resist. Don't depend on the schools to teach them - this is your responsibility. Teach them self-confidence to say "no" to drugs. Don't ignore the world of drugs as if it didn't exist; remember, the temptation is around them almost every day of their lives.

Your child also needs to KNOW they are loved by you and that you respect them. Be available to them when they want to share their joys as well as their sorrows. And, most of all, be sure they KNOW they are loved by God and can go to Him for strength and guidance.

The battle against drugs can be won if you as a parent prepare armour for yourself and your child - always being vigilant and watchful for this dangerous enemy.

Keep your eyes open. Kids on drugs are dumb. They do stupid things and they forget. They can leave drug paraphernalia out in the open or left in their pockets. They also believe every parent is stupid so don't be caught being naive. Learn what the parphernalia looks like -- "store-bought" as well as homemade. Kids on drugs will say dumb things and if you listen carefully, you will hear clues of their drug use. Kids on drugs will do dumb things, mostly because they become so apathetic about living a normal, decent life, you will see clues in their daily activity.

Know that drug users are excellent liars. Yes, I'm talking about all drug users - even your child that is abusing drugs. I'm not saying this to be cruel - I'm saying it so you won't be ignorant. Your child does not need you to trust him/her 100% - he/she needs a parent who is aware. If your child has recently quit doing drugs, now is not the time to let down your guard and believe every word. They do not need you to trust them at this point - they need you to be suspicious and to be aware. Let them know you are still watching them, not because you don't believe they can't overcome, but because the temptation is going to be put in front of them by Satan and you want to be a help and strength to them as they go through the healing process. If they get angry at you for not believing every word they say, ask them if they fully trust themselves at this point, or are they having to be extra watchful and careful. If they say they do trust themselves 100%, they may think they are telling the truth, but in reality, for a while they are living on the precipice of the drug world.

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