Family Relationships Archives 2011

Mending the Broken Tie That Binds  building healthy relationships within the family, and also within the church   Margaret Head  As I consider the instruction given to older women in Titus 2:1-5, I feel compelled to do some writing to younger women. I have been negligent in this "God-assigned" duty in the past. James did not say, "if you want to do this," but he was very specific that the older women are to teach the younger women. (According to some sources, if you have children who are still at home, you are still a young woman.) Hopefully, this will not be the last such article I will write for the purpose of fulfilling my obligation in this area. Before I continue, let me assure you I am not writing specifically to, or about, anyone, but simply addressing a subject that may prove to be troubling and/or very problematic to many Christians; that subject being, "building healthy relationships within the family, and also within the church". I recognize that this is a problem that can have many serious hindrances to finding any real "feel-good" solution. But it is of foremost importance for us to remember that the task before us is to make sure we are a part of the solution and not a part of the problem. This requires genuine humility as we search God's word, and a willingness to accept God's will for us no matter what emotional cost to us is involved. It is also important to remember that as we confront difficult matters, we are only able to change ourselves and not the other person(s), even though they may definitely be in the wrong. However, if our attitude is wrong, we must first work out that problem before any other problem can be addressed. Getting our own heads around a pure desire to help the offender see their offense in God's eyes and not in our eyes is the hard part. Before reading the rest of this message, I ask that you please take time to pray. If we have healthy relationships, our prayer should be of extreme thanksgiving that we can have the pleasure of associating with, and enjoying, our loved ones on a regular basis. We should also ask that this will always be our privilege and that we will be willing to work unselfishly through any problem that might arise. (And they will arise.) If we are seeking answers to relationship problems that already exist, our prayer should include a request for God's blessing on the other person(s) that they might be willing to work out the difficult problem that confronts both them and us. Also, we should ask for wisdom that we can see ourselves as God, and others see us. Of primary importance is that we keep our emotions in check during this process of healing. Above all, let us ask for wisdom to discern what is right, with no interest in who is right. If you are in an emotionally difficult position with someone, take time now to meditate on what it would be like to have the joy, the comfort and the peace of having good, healthy relationships. This will help give you the proper motivation to move on with the required steps. Usually small steps, that you know to be exactly right for this issue, are best. Remember, change is always difficult, for you and/or the one you are having the misunderstanding or issue with. Unsolicited advice from parents or in-laws can be a real hazard when it comes to close relationships. If you are parents who are being shunned it would be good to ask yourself if you have been interfering. Even when asked for advice, it is best to listen first without being judgmental, then care must be taken not to be offensive in what you have to offer. The best way to avoid a problem with this may be to ask them to pray with you first, asking God to help you better understand how to solve the problem, then proceed kindly and lovingly if you feel you have something worthwhile to offer.     To be simplistic when it comes to problem solving, we could just say that "love is the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love" and that should solve everything. And, sometimes we may be able to solve our social problems with all agreeing to dismiss the issue just because it was of little consequence when proper, genuine love was applied. Only confessions and apologies are in order if this is to be the end of the matter. We can – and should – dismiss it altogether, just as we wish Christ to dismiss our sins in that way. There can be NO bringing it up at a later date to rehash, and cause useless and unproductive emotional pain. We can all just wipe that emotional slate clean. Forgetting what lies behind, we can push on toward the goal of our salvation. For weightier matters that may not be so easily solved, we will need to search our own hearts with an OPEN mind so that we will be able to determine if we are being acceptable to God in our expectations of others. We may have expectations that are partially, or even completely, unrealistic, perhaps even to the point of expecting perfection. If so, this will bring about a judgmental attitude that is bound to destroy even the closest of relationships if left unchecked. This is one of the first things we need to rule out as being a barrier. Or it may be that ingratitude, pride, jealousy or selfishness has been allowed to creep into our heart. Problems of this kind can be very destructive to any relationship, whether with family or others. Until we are willing to rid ourselves of such character defects as these, there will continue to be unsatisfactory outcomes to problem solving ventures.  Heart-searching needs to be done in the light of God's word, being mindful of the fact that sometimes we are forgetful concerning what His desire for us includes. We may want to interpret His commands as applying to others, while pronouncing ourselves innocent, as most of us are not completely immune to occasional "Phariseeical" thinking. Or we may even go so far as to play children's games with ourselves, saying, "Well they started the fight, so I have no obligation to work out the matter." The apostle Paul would say to that, "If at all possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18.) Also, "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." (Romans 14:19.) Or, "Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." (Romans 14:13.) "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy: without holiness no one will see God." (Hebrews12:14.) Looking to God for answers, and vowing to accept His wisdom as our guide, is our only real solution to any problem in life. Listen closely as He shares His magnificent mind with us and allows His light to shine in our hearts. Only He can show us the way to take away the darkness of sin from our lives, and/or share His light with those we love...remembering there may be disappointments if others do not want to see the light of His wisdom and love. Though disappointments are discouraging to us, it is only our job to sow the seed, and to do so with clean hands and pure hearts. Then we can water, if allowed to do so. A good place to start on this quest for answers will be... "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. (This is not some of it, but ALL). Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 4:29 through 5:1.) "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed which is idolatry. Because of these the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these; anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its creator." (Colossians 3:5-10.) for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?” (1 Corinthians 3:3). "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness and humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:12-15.) Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart."  (1 Peter 1:22.)   "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil for evil or insult for insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing". (1 Peter 3:8-9.) WHEN, AS THOSE WHO PROFESS CHRIST, WE CONTINUE TO BEHAVE IN SPIRITUALLY IMMATURE WAYS, WE SHOULD NOT MAKE MATTERS WORSE BY MAKING EXCUSES. It does no good to minimize the seriousness of sinful decisions that we have made. I might like for my misdeeds to be seen as nothing more than personal quirks or foibles, but unworthy character and unacceptable conduct can’t be excused by saying, “Well, that’s just the way I am.” (Gary Henry) SO, to summarize: 1. Approach the person you are having a problematic relationship with, just as Christ was first to approach us. 2. Listen carefully and lovingly to the other person, keeping in mind that you may have been misunderstood, or that you bear part or all of the responsibility for the falling-out. 3. Do not allow the subject to become side-tracked, but stick to the problem being addressed. 4. Turn off the voice in your own head while the other person is talking. In doing this, you will be able to listen intently without interrupting. Then pause to recall what Bible principles are involved and use them as a basis for your reply. Re-state what they have said with particular attention to their stated emotions. This ensures that you are both discussing the same thing. 5. Suggest the scriptures that apply, whether to yourself or to them, but do so without a judgmental attitude, remembering that peace between you is the ultimate goal. 6. If no visible progress is made, offer to have another session with someone present who has nothing to gain or lose in the disagreement. Agree to listen to their input and to discuss it openly. This person should be knowledgeable concerning God's Word. 7. Do not allow the Devil to have an upper hand in this matter, deciding there is no peace to be had. If both or all of you are Christians who are willing to let God have His way, the matter can be put to rest. 8. Understand that marriage means leaving parents and cleaving to your mate, but it does not put aside the command to honor them as your parents and maintain a loving relationship with them.”Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise--”that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth”. (Ephesians 6:2.) 9. Always, a healthy relationship with others means honoring them with our love. Our long-term view should be to please God with the outcome, looking toward the salvation of their soul and ours. (If we recall Jesus' treatment of Judas, calling him “friend”, we can understand what love for our enemies is all about.) (Matthew26:50.) 10. A positive attitude toward a satisfactory outcome, with the help of God, will be more likely to succeed than a pessimistic attitude. 11. And though this may be hard to do, sometimes it is just the right thing to do to accept the other person as they are, without demanding unity, if it will not impact your own soul's salvation. You may continue to pray for change, however, if change is necessary for THEIR salvation. By allowing the other person time, they may be won over by your kindness and accept the change(s) they need to make. May you allow the peace of God and His Truths to rule in your heart.    .  A Reuben Marriage Steve Fontenot "And Leah conceived and bore a son and named him Reuben, for she said, "because the Lord has seen my affliction; surely now my husband will love me." Then she conceived again and born a son and said, "because the Lord has heard that I am unloved." So she named him Simeon. And she conceived again and bore a son and said, “Now this time my husband will become attached to me.” Therefore he was named Levi." (Gen.29:32-34). "Surely now my husband will love me" cannot refer to sex - she had that. “I am unloved"? Did not Jacob provide her housing, food, and clothing? Is that not "love"? It is, and it is important. But something was still lacking. There is another kind of love - a love she needed and wanted. "Become attached"? But wasn't she married to Jacob? What does she mean? She felt Jacob was "detached." Not legally - they were married. Not physically - they had children. There is obviously another kind of "love" - a love of emotional attachment. "Reuben," "Simeon," and "Levi' - names that stand as testimonials to what Leah (and many women today) wanted so badly but did not have. Remember men, the Lord "sees" (Reuben) and "hears" (Simeon) the "affliction" of a woman that longs for such "attachment" (Levi). via THE BEACON  Electronic edition The following was written by a Christian who was abused, as she was recovering and building her life again. While this poem is written with abuse in mind it is applicable to many different trials we go through. I appreciate Mary Jo giving us permission to share her poem with others who will be encouraged by it. I always admire those who desire and are willing to comfort others with the comfort they received from their Lord. -Pat , Somewhere There's A Woman  . Somewhere there's a woman Who's all alone and blue In spite of all the friends she has, (But feels she can't talk to). . Somewhere there's a woman  You may have seen her tears; She'll tell you that she's tired, But she won't confess her fears. . Somewhere there's a woman Who's doing her utmost best To put the past behind her, But each day brings a new test. . Somewhere there's a woman Who's trying to hang on To fragile hope of better days And the strength to face each dawn. . Somewhere there's a woman Who knows not where to turn For she's been hurt so many times, It's hard her trust to earn. . Somewhere there's a woman - You pass her everyday; Perhaps you've even tried to help, But don't know what to say. . Don't try to guess the reasons For everything she does, You have not seen what she's seen; You've not walked where she was. . Please try to understand her, Though you won't be able to; Reassure her that she's not the cause Of what she's going through. . Do what you can To smooth her road, Make her smile, Lighten her load. . You may not believe it, But yet it's true; Somewhere there's a woman That might have been you. . © Mary Jo Coull 2004 Contemplating The Marriage Relationship I Do ... or ... Do I? by Margaret Head As we continue to study relationships, there is no greater need to scrutinize God’s word for answers than is necessary for working through the very sensitive problems a pending marriage presents. After the ceremony and the honeymoon, problems will most certainly arise that must be addressed and solved. Having doubts about the man you are contemplating as a marriage partner is not only normal; it is healthy. Eliminating as many of these doubts as possible should be the ultimate goal of any woman who is engaged or considering an engagement. That does not mean he has to change at all, although it may; but it may mean you have to do some changing you did not realize was necessary. This will require honesty and humility as you contemplate the doubts you have, and what you consider needs to be addressed. If necessary, consider a longer engagement in order to address problems that exist, keeping in mind that any problems not resolved before the marriage must be worked out in the context of the husband's headship (Ephesians 5:22-23). When a man is prepared to accept his role as head of the household after marriage (and it is very important that he is) he will understand and appreciate your desire to help eliminate any foreseen problem areas. No one is in charge of your happiness but you, leaving you with a great responsibility to make the right choice. You will continue to be in charge of your own happiness even after the marriage ceremony takes place. He may make withdrawals from your love account and he may make contributions; but you will always be in charge of it. Staying in control of your emotions at all times may be very hard, but very rewarding if you succeed. Running to 'mama' or 'daddy' can easily compound problems. Running from them may not be a wise choice, either. Only you can make that determination in the light of God's word. If you are seeking answers to a very disturbing problem, knowing you may be contributing to the extent of it, their experience could prove valuable. If you are seeking someone to agree with you, or to pity or even rescue you, you have probably made a very bad decision to seek them out. The following suggestions are being made to help you make a better determination if he really is 'Mr. Right' for you, and you 'Mrs. Right' for him. The most important thing I can say to you is to only consider marriage to someone who is of "like precious faith" and whom you feel is desiring to help both of you go to heaven. Perhaps the next most important thing for you to consider is every character flaw that either of you may need to eliminate. 1. One of the most troubling flaws in any of us could be that of abuse. Yes, even members of the Lord's church may be abusive, verbally and/or physically. They may also be experts at concealing it. Statistics released by the CDC reveal that abusive relationships cost the United States approximately 9.7 billion (yes BILLION) dollars a year in medical care, mental health services and lost productivity. Knowing this, do you suppose you will be fortunate enough that you will never meet a man who is abusive in any way? The correct answer is, NO! If it is not yourself who meets that individual, then perhaps it will be a sister or a close friend who confides that she needs help with working out the very intense problems an abusive relationship carries with it. Whoever it is, it will be important for you to be knowledgeable about the subject so you, or the person who consults you, will avoid the pitfalls abuse brings with it. There are many sources of information that are easily accessed; however most of the information available on the internet does not adhere to godly principles. (As a side note, have you considered the fact that gossip is a form of verbal abuse? Care must be taken to separate it from the need to ask for help.) Verbal and physical abuse is more than a serious problem; a problem that usually does not improve by itself, but is growing in scope every day. Knowing this, you will be wise to carefully consider the following: Are his parents or siblings abusive to each other, either verbally or physically? Time and experience has taught us that neither should be tolerated long-term. Remember, his parents are the ones who taught your husband the values he may still cling to. Their behavior may have taught him it was alright to engage in abuse, or, hopefully he may have been repulsed by it and is being very careful not to let it take hold in his own life. Does he cause you any emotional or physical discomfort by being verbally or physically abusive to you? Those little jabs that some men think are funny but are hurtful to you, are abuse. (Women are also just as capable of engaging in this unhealthy behavior.) If it is just an annoying habit he may be very approachable concerning it if you are kind and loving when you discuss it with him. If he is not reasonable about it, put the brakes on the wedding plans until the matter is settled. Abuse in any form should not be tolerated before marriage. You do not marry a man with the idea in mind that you will change him. He must want to change himself, if change is needed. This also applies to you and the changes you will need to make. Of course, we need to be able to joke with each other in a loving way without being abrasive or abusive. 2. Does he love his parents? The answer to this question should be an unquestionable, yes. If he has been hurt by one or both of them, our model for loving those who cause problems or hurt in our lives is our Savior, Jesus the Christ. When we consider His treatment of Judas, calling him friend as he came to betray Him, we learn that love survives even the worst kind of betrayal that can be imagined. We have nothing that monumental in our lives to forgive someone of. This is not to say we have to maintain a close relationship with anyone if it is unavoidably causing a problem in our relationship with our spouse or with God. Nothing, or no one, should cause even a shadow to fall on either of those priceless gifts from Him. On the other hand, we should not look for flimsy excuses to avoid parents. However, if a relationship is detrimental to the emotional or spiritual well-being of any family member, then the relationship should be avoided until the situation is resolved. It is important to lovingly communicate with family members, outlining what the problem is, that is causing you to avoid them. Love does not mean we should tolerate bad behavior. Love does mean keeping a loving relationship with godly parents and also a loving relationship that is in line with God's word with ungodly parents. It is important to set healthy boundaries in all relationships. If this is hard for either you or the man you are considering as your marriage partner to do, or if you are unsure how to set boundaries, you could acquire a book dealing with boundaries and study it together. Setting and honoring boundaries is most important as God expects that of us. However, the relationships we need to cultivate between ourselves and our "inlaws" and/or parents needs to be worked out just as carefully and lovingly as the one with our spouse. What should become a healthy, loving relationship between couples and their parents can very easily slip into a battlefield of hurt and/or angry emotions if proper consideration is not taken. Perhaps the following will help put this is proper perspective. Daily Bible study, consideration of the following scriptures and frequent prayer helps us find the answers we are seeking. A."Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has given you" (Exodus 20:12.) B. "Honor your father and your mother, and love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 19:19.) C. Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home (John 19:25-27.) Here is the most loving example ever given of honoring a parent...Our Savior, even as he was suffering death as he hung from that cruel cross, honored his mother by appointing someone he loved and trusted to care for her! We, too, must honor our parents by seeing that they are adequately cared for. D. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Ephesians 4:31-32.) These scriptures, when applied, will help us work through problems we may encounter with the new relationships we acquire when we marry the one we love. Other considerations of character flaws could include: 1. How does he work out problems between himself and others? Does he follow the pattern in Matthew 18? This may reflect his willingness to work out problems, unselfishly, in marriage. (Good communication, respect and honesty are absolute requirements for a healthy marriage relationship. Keeping secrets usually means it is something sinful.) 2. Does he become angry easily? If so, run as fast as you can run from this situation until he has overcome the problem. Men need to be satisfactory marriage partners before we commit to marriage. Do not make friends with a hot tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered (Proverbs 22:24.) 3. Does he have a bad habit that needs to be overcome? For instance, smoking is damaging to health; not to ours alone but also to those who breathe the second hand smoke. We do not have the right to abuse our own bodies or that of others. Overcoming any unacceptable habit should be a first priority before marriage. We can also add foul language, drinking alcohol, gambling, flirting or using drugs to the list of unacceptable habits. Too, both parties have to be very careful that they are not causing a problem by being jealous. This is an easy 'Devil's' trap for us to fall into. 4. Is he generous without spending recklessly? If spending is a problem for him, it too, should be addressed before marriage. You should also look to yourself in this matter. If either of you have a problem in this area you should seek counsel and learn how to budget money. Marriage counselors agree, this one step alone would avoid many serious quarrels between marriage partners. You may wish to take the course Dave Ramsey offers concerning money matters and budgeting. His conviction is that dollar conflicts are always value conflicts, and they are a leading cause of conflicts that lead to divorce. 5. Does he show proper respect for you, for his parents, for the elderly and for his fellow man? Today, a serious lack of respect seems to be accepted by children, teenagers, and even parents of adults!!! This sin should be overcome long before marriage takes place as showing disrespect to anyone is not acceptable to God. Statements such as, "It makes me feel good if...or, it makes me feel bad if..." can be used to convey your feelings about the things that make you feel good, or bad or unloved. 6. Does he drive in a way that allows you to feel safe? This, too, is a matter of respect for you and others who share the highways. He is going to be transporting you and/or your children for many years. Again, you can lovingly, but thoughtfully address this problem by admitting you do not feel safe when he does whatever he does that causes you stress. A wife who is a 'backseat driver' that is always giving unwanted advice only causes additional stress. 7. Is he capable of supporting you long term? Men who drift from one job to another may be unstable or lazy. He needs to make you feel secure about the future as much as possible. You, also, should be prepared to 'earn the living' if he were to become disabled, lose his job or his life. 8. If he has asked you to marry him, now is the best time to determine if both of you have the same desire for having children. This is an area that can cause deep emotional rifts between marriage partners who do not have an understanding of this before marriage. You should also address the problem of infertility. Are both of you willing to remain childless if this should occur, and if not, are both of you willing to adopt a child? As we consider the first marriage relationship that is revealed to us: in Genesis the first and second chapters, we read that God first created man. The Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for Him." A loving, caring God then took a rib from man and created woman. (Gen 2:18) and then commanded, "a man shall leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:24). This close, fulfilling, awesome 'oneness' relationship that God put in place was soon marred by the woman allowing herself to believe the Devil's lie, and then hastily acting upon it. This could have been avoided if she had waited to consult her husband and the two of them had consulted God. What may appear to us to be a small decision may result in huge consequences. Sins must be acknowledged and repented of and turned from. Jesus Christ lovingly made complete forgiveness possible for us. So our first priority would be to strive to preserve that close relationship that is so rewarding, and to base our marriage on seeking God FIRST and pleasing our husband, second. And, if a marriage is to remain a healthy one, we must NEVER discuss our husband's faults except with him or a counselor. Joking about them is also unacceptable. Your remarks about him in public should be kept positive and complimentary. In conclusion; it is important for young women to understand that spiritual maturity is needed to build and maintain healthy relationships whether it is during the dating period, the engagement, or the marriage. "It’s simply that we ought to CHERISH the idea of rich relationship, both with God and with others who've been created in His image. We ought to work on BUILDING relationships in every way that we can. And finally, the MAINTENANCE of our relationships ought to be one of our MOST PRESSING PRIORITIES." (Gary Henry, Reaching Forward, April 22) A Woman's Question Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing Ever made by the hand above - A woman's heart and a woman's life And a woman's wonderful love? . Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing As a child might ask for a toy? Demanding what others have died to win With the reckless dash of a boy! . You have written my lesson of duty out, Manlike, you have questioned me; Now, stand at the bar of my woman's soul, While I shall question thee. . I am fair and young, but the rose will fade From my soft young cheeks one day - Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves As you did 'mid the bloom of May? . Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep, I may launch my all on its tide? A loving woman finds heaven or hell On the day she's made a bride! . I require all things that are grand and true, All things that a man should be; If you give this all, I would stake my life, To be all you demand of me. . If you can't do this, a laundress and cook You can hire with a little pay. But a woman's heart and a woman's life Are not to be won that way. by Elizabeth Barrett Browning Our Attitudes Can Make Us Sick <Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually> l  By Cindy Granke      Almost every time I go shopping I see some frustrated mother yelling at her child, saying things which make me cringe.  I’m sure you have, too.  Have you visited in the homes of others and observed angry attitudes in the home between the husband and wife?  The angry words may not always come out, but the attitude shows in the way they respond to each other.  Then again, sometimes an argument starts and we, as visitors, become very uncomfortable having to listen.  It’s embarrassing but it’s also hard to keep quiet when we can see who appears to be right or wrong, at least in our minds. Attitudes can disrupt the home, the church, the work place, and relationships in many other areas in our lives.  And doctors often cite connections between attitudes with physical and mental health issues.       I want to share true story that I was told by a Christian whose father had always taken out the family’s trash/garbage all the years she was growing up.  When she married, her husband took the trash out when she asked him to do it.  But over the years that stopped.  He would say, Leave it there, and I’ll get it in a minute.”  You know where this is going, don’t you?  When the kitchen garbage can got full, she would ask her husband to please take it outside.  She tried not to nag, but she felt angry and frustrated.  One day she took the large black garbage bag out and left it on the back porch.  She figured he would see it when he went outside and take it the rest of the way.  Well, three garbage bags later, a visitor came to stay for a few days.  At some point, the visitor evidently decided to do a little straightening for the family.  The woman came home from grocery shopping, and after she had put everything away, the visitor told her that he took the garbage bags out.  She asked him, what garbage bags?  He said the ones on the back porch.  She went out and looked, and sure enough, those hateful old garbage bags were gone.  She shamefacedly thanked him.  Later that night, she started thinking about her attitude toward her husband and those garbage bags.  As she prayed about her feelings, she realized that it’s not in a husband’s job description to take out the garbage all the time.  She also realized that the problem was in her own attitude.  She prayed for God to help her change her attitude these things, and other areas in her life.        I found the following comments and Scriptures to be excellent reminders for me.  Some were written in one of my notebooks and I cannot remember from whom, or where I got them.  Others are my own.  I hope you will examine your heart and your attitudes in every part of your life.   Cindy G  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~       Attitude is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think, or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company, a home, or a relationship.       The remarkable thing is we have a choice, every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for the day.  We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that other people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.   The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.  ~ Charles Swindoll      Negativeness, Criticalness, Rebellion, Defiance, Impatience, Uncooperative, Apathy, Discouragement, Independence, Presumption, Arrogance, Self-centeredness, Rudeness - These are all examples of bad attitudes which Christians should reject. However, keep in mind that attitudes are inner dispositions of the heart and thoughts.  They are the hidden intentions which will eventually serve as the basis for our actions.   For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7      In reality, no one else really knows the thoughts of your heart, except you and God. Consequently, attitude is something that only you and God can work out - a change which must take place inwardly. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)   ~ ~ ~ ~  Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy; meditate on these things.   (Philippians 4:8)

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