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Shall We Know One Another In Heaven?
Hoyt Houchen Man is confronted with many mysteries, thus causing him to Ponder on
many questions. He is made to wonder about death, immortality, what is beyond and shall we know each other in heaven. The
subject of future recognition in heaven that is discussed in this article pertains to saints. As we give attention to this
question, we are aware that our soul's salvation does not depend upon the answer; nevertheless, it is thought provoking and
motivates us to delve into the Scriptures to determine if they provide the answer. Some questions which concern us are not
answered in the Scriptures, thus they remain mysteries and must be classified in the file of curiosity. We do not believe,
however, that the question under consideration is in that category. Every devoted Christian
has probably given thought to this question. When one of our loved ones (a saint) departs from this life, we are sustained
by the hope that we shall be united with him in heaven. Shall we recognize each other? We address ourselves to this question.
While the Bible does give some teaching about future recognition, nevertheless, there are questions which remain unanswered,
especially those involving details or specifics. The Bible teaches that heaven is real, but shall we as saints know each other
in heaven? A significant phrase is found in Genesis 25:8 where we are told, "And Abraham gave up
the ghost, and died in a good old age, an old man, and full of years, and was gathered to his people." "He was gathered
to his people." This phrase, or a slight variation of it, is used with reference to Ishmael's death (Genesis 25:17),
the death of Isaac (Genesis 35:29), the death of Jacob (Genesis 49:29,33) and to Moses and Aaron (Deut. 32:50). Moses was
not buried in the sepulchers of his fathers, but in an unknown place "in the valley of Moab" (Deut. 34:6). So, the
phrase "gathered unto his people" would not refer to the burial of the body, but to the reunion of the spirit with
those who had died before. On the occasion of David's child who had died, he said: "Can I bring
him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me" (2 Samuel 12:23). David realized that someday he would
go to be with the child. Paul wrote to the Corinthians: "...we are your glorying, even as
ye also are ours, in the day of our Lord Jesus" (2 Corinthians 1:14). Paul also wrote to these brethren: "knowing
that he that raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also with Jesus, and shall present us with you" (2 Corinthians
4:14). And, he wrote to the Thessalonians: "For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of glorying? Are not even ye, before
our Lord Jesus at his coming?" These are times of future rejoicing and glorying, thus it seems reasonable that Paul in
these verses is referring to the "day" when the Lord Jesus will come to judge the world. Paul and his readers will
be in one another's presence at that time. The passage in 1 Thessalonians 4:13,14 is one of hope and comfort for
Christians whose loved ones had died. Paul admonished his readers that they "sorrow not, even as the rest, who have no
hope" (v. 13). Their hope was not only that of the loved being at home with God, but it is also reasonable that there
was the hope of someday seeing that beloved saint and being with him forever. This Scripture affords us the same hope today.
The foregoing Scriptures are some which convey the idea that the faithful who die will be united with the other faithful who
have already departed from this life. There will be a meeting together. Will there be future
recognition? There are two passages in particular which lend evidence to this. 1)
The transfiguration (Matthew 17:18; Mark 9:2-8; Luke 9:28-36). Christ was transfigured on the mountain and there appeared
with him Moses and Elijah. Moses had been dead for nearly fifteen hundred years, and his body lay in an unknown grave. Elijah
did not die, for he was taken up into heaven by a whirlwind (2 Kings 2:11). The body of Moses turned to dust and Elijah had
been changed. These men were clothed with different bodies from what they had here upon earth, but they appeared to the disciples
and were talking with Jesus. They were both recognized. 2) The rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31).
Although some classify this account as a parable, a parable represents something that actually occurs. The rich man recognized
Lazarus and Abraham in the unseen world. He still possessed memory, for he was told to remember that in this world he had
good things and Lazarus evil things. He also remembered that he had five brothers still living. He requested that they be
warned, lest they too, should come to torment. A great gulf in Hades separated the righteous from the wicked, and although
it was too late for the rich man to be changed, there was recognition.
The
Scriptures teach that at the resurrection of the dead, it is our physical bodies that will be changed, not our spirits. This
is made clear in 1Corinthians 15 (see vv. 35-38). This body will be changed from a mortal body to an immortal one. "For
this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality" (v. 53). There can be no doubt that
the mortal and the corruptible refer to the physical body. Certainly, the spirit is neither corruptible nor mortal. When we
are raised from the dead, we shall have a body which pleases God to give us. It will be a changed body (vv. 51,52). "It
is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body" (v. 44). This being true, we shall not be known in heaven by our
natural (physical) bodies as we are known here upon the earth, but this is not to suppose that our spiritual bodies will be
without form and features. Jesus, Moses and Elijah were transfigured. Webster defines transfiguration"
as "a change in form or appearance" (Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary, 1252). They were transfigured, but they were
recognized. The Lord will clothe us with bodies which he has prepared; they will be fashioned anew to be "conformed to
the body of his glory" (Philippians 3:21). Our bodies will be transformed into the likeness of his body in the glorified
state. John wrote, "Beloved, now are we children of God, and it is not yet made manifest what we shall be. We know that,
if he shall be manifested, we shall be like him; for we shall see him even as he is" (1John 3:2). If we shall recognize
God in his manifested form, then, does it not stand to reason that we shall recognize one another in whatever likeness he
shall prepare for us? There will be recognition in heaven. How the resurrection and transformation
will take place, our finite minds cannot comprehend it, much less can we explain it. By the same faith that we accept all
the miracles in the Bible, let us anticipate this great miracle which is yet to occur, and believe it with all our hearts. The very thought of knowing one another in "the land that is fairer than day" is a great hope for Christians
and should motivate us to endeavor even more to please God, and be assured that someday we can live forever in that most wonderful
and indescribable place known as heaven.
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But I do not want
you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.
For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep
in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and
remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend
from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And
the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together
with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore
comfort one another with these words. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18)  In October of last year I received the following
writings from brother James Dunigan. They were written after his son, Jon, was killed in action in Afghanistan. Be ready to
hear the raw pain of a parent's grief laid out in full view. As you move into the Father's Grief, prepare yourself to
receive a jolt of reality. It's not one man's opinion, it is a glimpse into the world of grieving fathers, a world no
one can possibly understand except for the fathers who abide in this place. Even in this group of men, there will be
varying thoughts and emotions due to all of them being individuals, and that is also one of the lessons brother
Dunigan is trying to teach: allow fathers to grieve and to grieve in his own way. Let us all become aware of the
needs of grieving parents and gain some understanding from one of brother Dunigan's most courageous undertakings he's
ever done -- being honest and openly sharing his pain in the loss of his beloved child. --Pat Gates .
.. A Parent's Grief James R. Dunigan
I have learned parental grief is boundless. It
touches every aspect of my being...When a child dies; the parents grieve for the rest of their lives. Their grief becomes
part of them...As time has passed I have come to appreciate that my grief is a link to my child who is gone. My grief keeps
me connected to Jon.
I have come to understand something that perhaps has shattered some of my illusions on death
and grief. Even though Jon is gone we will always be his parents. Some relationships he has had in the past have changed and
some of the people he has been involved with in his life can and most likely will move on to other relationships and that
is natural and good. But we will always be his parents. There will always be an empty place in our hearts for the loss of
our youngest son. We will always be his loving Mom and Dad. What hurts me more than anything I can think of right now is that
I can no longer share my love openly and physically with my child anymore. My son will not live his life here with us anymore
and I cannot see him in the flesh anymore. The hope of him returning home is gone and the intense feeling of missing him is
never satisfied without that hope. The feeling that all through his life I protected him and looked out for him was shattered
when he died without me there by his side. I may not have been able to stop his death but I also could not be there to walk
through the valley of death with him. It hurts me everyday to know this. Did he cry out for us? Did he cry out for his loving
wife? We will never know.
I driven to and must find ways to hold on to the memories I have of him. My memories
are indeed precious gifts of the heart I need these memories and whispers to find inner peace and closeness to him. Every
prayer I offer to God feels me with a peace and a hope that God is indeed caring for my son in ways I never could. God has
taken away his pains and worry of this life and he waits as I do the coming of heaven and eternal life. Jon gave me many wonderful
gifts in our life together. His love and respect. His love of life, his laughter was all precious gifts. He gave me the gift
of a daughter in law and the hope of future grandchildren. But the MOST precious gift he gave me is the comfort of knowing
he was a Christian. He knew and obeyed the gospel. I have the gift of knowing he went to the hands of a loving God and no
worry on earth here will change his condition one bit. I cannot worry him in or out of heaven. But my confidence lies
in he is in paradise as I write this.
I know I am not the only parent who has ever grieved the death of a child.
My grandparents did, I have other family members who did as well. I have friends and fellow church members who have as well,
some of them grieving as I am, as we speak, because they lost children recently as well. I have found other parents who have
lost their child in the same manner we have, killed in action. Parents mourning have been an occurrence down through the ages
of time. I have read literature that the author has reflected upon this form of grief and I see me in them. How can I describe
the powerful and conflicting emotions that are involved? The pain of grief, the spiral of mourning, the roller coaster of
emotions. Guilt yes even guilt has risen its ugly head as I continue on in my life while his was cut tragically short. How
do I explain to you the heart break that lies at the very depths of my heart? The contradictions of grief and the pain and
sorrow and loss that I feel as a parent?
I have lost loved ones. My dad was my best friend in this world bar none.
My dad, advisor and fishing buddy. He taught me God's word. His strong hands that chastised me when I erred were the same
hands that held me lovingly when I was sick or hurt. I could ask for no better man to be my dad and no better Christian to
guide me into my love of God. I mourn him every day. But this grief I feel for the loss of a son is the most intense grief
I have ever felt. I have been told by other parents they feel the same. When Jon died a part of us died. The future plans
he had, that we had, all died that day. As a dad I feel a dad's grief. His mom feels a part of her has died. The child she
carried in her for 9 months, the child she shared heartbeats with, she nourished from her own body is gone. I believe no one
feels the loss of a child more than the mother. Not the grandparents, not the aunts and uncles, not the friends, no one but
the mother. The widow has her grief and her loss and they have all that entails and it is a horrible grief to endure. I wish
none of them had to suffer that, but the mother has her unique grief as well. A vital core part of her has been ripped away.
I feel like we have suffered the ultimate deprivation. All the plans and futures we had imagined for our child is
destroyed. This loss of a child and the grief that follows is not only painful but it is disorienting. Simply put, our children
are not supposed to die before we do, that is not the natural order of things. I have been faced with a tremendous paradox...
this paradox has caused me stress and pain... I must deal with the grief of losing my child and continue with living my life
as fully as possible! I am not supposed to do that without my child watching me grow old and burying me! I want to be free
of this overwhelming pain but yet it is a constant reminder of my child who died.
This grief I feel is not simple.
It is not a pain that will heal overnight. It will not scab over and eventually disappear. It is complex, it is an incredibly
traumatic event and has left me with overwhelming emotional needs. I am usually the one who offers encouragement, support
and a shoulder to cry on to others now I suddenly find myself being the one who needs these things. What people don't seem
to realize about this grief, especially those who have never gone through it, is that I must acknowledge it and feel
it in its intensity. Why? Because that is the only way I can overcome it and not succumb to it! It is fine and dandy for me
to be sad! I hope others will realize this. Dealing with this parental grief involves deep pain and it is an ongoing process
as I attempt to walk down this lonely road of grief. Please understand it is a long road! It is not a quick walk around the
block I am taking. Problem is, contrary to what you might believe, I do not know where the end of the road is! I believe if
you cannot take this walk with me the least you can do is step out of my path and let me walk alone, I have enough roadblocks
in front of me as it is.
Let me help you here. This process we are going through, we parents who have lost
a child, has no time limit. A few weeks? A few months? A few years? Let me answer for you a question before you ask it. How
long is the process? It is a lifetime, it is the rest of my lifetime. Our lives are forever changed! Know what we are dealing
with? Here is that answer as well. We are trying to find and hold on to some meaning from the loss of our child and our lives
without that child. It is easy for you to tell us to remember them, to remember they are heroes and the like. Trust us, WE
KNOW. We know that and more. I got a bucket full of his medals to remind me of that. I have my memories to remind me of that
but I am the one who lays my head down on the pillow at night and has to think through all this. I am the one who has
to deal with this loss, I am the one taking this long sad painful journey. It is frightening. It is lonely and it really never
ends. Time is only a concept in this journey. Not to sound snide, but we need your support, not your advice on what we should
be remembering. Trust me on this... the hope and desire for eventually healing is there - we pray for it everyday and it is
intense and persistent in us. Let us grieve! We will in our time, not yours.
Our child was a gift to us and our
gift was taken away. We were forced to give that child up! No one asked us politely to surrender this precious gift we were
given. Many of us planned to have our child, they came into this world because we wanted them and wanted to bring a life into
existence. But here is the deal, our child's death was a gift to you! Those of us who lost a child killed in action shared
our gift with you. We seek to find ways to continue to love, honor and value the lives of our children. We want to make the
presence of our child known and felt in the lives of family and friends. We want to share that child with you some more. Guess
what? Bereaved parents often try to live their lives more fully and generously because of this painful experience. Sharing
our child is a way we heal and overcome the emotional turmoil in our lives. When we are ready to share please let us.
To those outside or our family, the make up of our family may seem to change when a child dies. A sibling may become an
only child; a younger child may become the oldest or the only child; the middle child may no longer have that title; or the
parents may never be able to, or perhaps may choose not to, have another child. Nonetheless, the birth order of the child
who died is fixed permanently in the minds and hearts of the parents. Nothing can change the fact that this child is considered
a part of the family forever, and the void in the family assemblage created by the child's death also remains forever. Think
about that as you ponder why we always keep the number of our children the same when you ask. Ponder that as we have family
get togethers and an empty chair stares us in the face! Think about that every time their birthday rolls around and we realize
that our child will not be getting a card or present this year! Remember that when the day of the death of our child rolls
around and the world keeps on keeping on while we sit and grieve.
If you take the time to read my words, remember
this: Death is an experience that is common to all mankind, an experience that touches all members of humanity, the great
and the small know what death is. Death transcends all cultures and beliefs; there is both commonality and individuality in
the grief experience. When a loved one dies, each person reacts differently. A child's death, however, is such a wrenching
event that all affected by it express sadness and dismay and are painfully shaken. Such a devastating loss exacts an emotional
as well as a physical toll on the parents and family. Here is some of what we feel. Our grief that may include an overwhelming
sense of its magnitude, a sense that the pain will last forever, a sense that the grief is etched into one's very being, it
reaches into the depths of our souls and shakes us like a rag doll. It is ok for these parents to express their anger outwardly
so that it will not turn inward and possibly become a destructive force in the future. However remember, individual reactions
often vary and that the same person may even experience contradictory reactions. Yes, one day we are up , the next day we
are down - to be honest this may happen hourly or by the minute!
There are also many unique ways that we parents
express our grief. These individual responses are influenced by many factors including the person's life experiences, coping
skills, personality, age, gender, family and cultural background, support and/or belief systems, and even the death or the
type of death that occurred. So what works for one might not work for the other. We will experience ups and downs and a literal
roller coaster of emotions. We have a personal history that includes a past with the child and a present and future without
the child. For most of us important to verbalize the pain, to talk about what happened, to ask questions, and puzzle aloud,
sometimes over and over. And at other times we are truly at a loss for words!
We are survivors and each survivor
travels this lonely and painful road in a way each one singly maps out. In traveling this road, parents often respond differently,
learn to live with their grief separately, and express their sadness uniquely. Grieving parents can and often do feel alone,
disconnected, and alienated even with a spouse sitting next to them grieving as well. We need to know that there are many
ways to grieve; there is no timetable for grief's duration; there are no rules, boundaries, or protocols for grieving.
If you want to comfort us you need to recognize and understand the complexities of the parents' emotions and should
avoid relying on preconceived ideas about the way a couple is supposed to grieve if their child dies. Reactions of grieving
parents may seem overly intense, self-absorbing, contradictory, or even puzzling. For bereaved parents, the death of a child
is such an overwhelming event that their responses may often be baffling not only to others but to themselves as well. So
let us grieve.
Thanks you James R. Dunigan Gold Star Dad .
. A Father's Grief James
R. Dunigan I guess I write as I do for somewhat selfish reasons.
It is how I vent and get my feelings and thoughts out. Many times what I write will never be seen. When it comes to this idea
of grief I keep much to myself because I don't want to come across as "HEY LOOK AT ME." I don't want to distract
from the grief others are feeling - what ever they happen to be grieving over. The
last 6 months have been hard on me to be sure. I lost a child, I feel lonely for my other son and my family that are half
a nation away from me. I have loving brethren here and some I feel as close to as a brother but I still yearn for home at
times. I have always accepted that the things that happen to me help to form the man I will become. I am 51 years old and
I am still an unfinished project. It seems though life has decided to teach me some pretty hard lessons. I read of Abraham and God asking him to sacrifice his only son. Wow, what a request. I know
the feeling though. I saw my son go to war at the request of his nation. No it is not the same, but it does give me a keener
insight to what Abraham must have been feeling. I do not know how far it was from where Abraham was to the top of the mountain
he was asked to sacrifice Isaac on, but I can tell you this, I bet every step of that journey felt like a thousand miles.
I know as I walked toward the casket of my lifeless son, alone, it seems like my feet weighed a ton each and the effort was
so hard on me I was sweating buckets by the time I reached his casket. King
David mourned the illness and eventual death of his just born son. He mourned the death of his son, Absalom, so much that
he was warned it would cause a rebellion among his people because he was not celebrating the victory over this son who rebelled
and tried to wrest the kingdom from his father. Fathers can mourn. Christ wept at the death of Lazarus, Peter wept bitterly
over his denial of Christ, the apostle Paul despaired even of life over the action of Christians and friends. So, men can
grieve. As I said, I don't want to sound selfish or trite or distract from
other's grief. My wife and I have weathered many storms in our lives. We have argued over the time and we have felt betrayal
by family and felt that some took our son's death as an opportunity to show them as foolish, childish, selfish and insincere.
Some took credit for things they should not have, while others made "stars" of themselves in his name. Others showed
selfishness as they wanted everyone to look at them and show them all the deference even to the point people failed to support
my wife in her grief. We had family members petting and supporting people on their supposed relationship with our son while
failing to say a single word to the woman who bore him into this world or the woman who married him and pledged her life to
him. But so be it, the storm was weathered and we have a less naive view of things and a broader sense of how to support others
in this crisis. It is kind of funny I say all that to some to this real gist of this writing. I can tell you this without a doubt and no reservations, with all the things my wife and I have overcome in our marriage
the death of a child is the most traumatic and devastating thing a couple can face. No one really plans on it. No one really
thinks one day I will bury my child. I looked at pictures of him the other day at his 12th birthday and it hit me like an
oncoming train, I was literally looking at my son just shy of half his life being over. Talk about a smack to the gut... I have spent many hours talking to people, counseling people, sitting with people as they faced
traumatic events in their lives. I have sat with dying fathers and mothers. I have sat with families and loved ones as they
dealt with the grief of losing a loved one. While I cried and had compassion and helped them all I could, I was able
to "box" those emotions and do what was needed to assist the family. But now I was not outside the box, so to speak,
I was in it! How do you pack that box away? The one with the memories and love for your now gone child? I have also seen some
things that have really struck home with me. I think back to the people I have helped with loss and found myself asking, did
I truly help everyone. I know if I allow anyone to read this there will be preachers, health care workers and others viewing
my words. I hope that what I am about to write will have some wisdom in it and if not, well, at least I got the issue off
my chest and I can at least state what I believe I have learned. When your
child dies the mother and father grieve very deeply. I would say the closest thing I can attribute to is a "spiritual
experience" because it rocks you to your soul. You have to make an instant decision! Do I lean on God, do I remain faithful
and dependant on Him or do I become angry and shake my fist at Him and yell WHY? WHY MY SON, GOD? Let me tell you as a Christian
one of the most spiritual battles I had to fight was thinking "Of the thousands of soldiers... why mine?" That is
selfish, I know, but I am being bluntly honest here. I had to learn to shovel up all the whys and what for's and bury them
in the darkest corner of my mind. Because to dwell on the "what if's" would drive you nuts. What if he had been
in his bed? What if he had been 5 feet to the side? What if.... trust me I can write you 100 pages of "what ifs."
Anyway back to my writing. I
have learned very quickly that the widow, parents, family and friends will grieve. We have a common grief of losing a loved
one but there are many ways we grieve differently. We had different outlooks and plans with that loved one. The wife had future
plans of children and life together as they grew old. His mother had her plans, I had mine. We all had a different relationship
with Jon and we have to deal with that loss as well. I had to learn this very very very quickly - here it is... hope
you are listening ... each of us have to give each other the permission to grieve as he or she needs! Don't take that away
from us! You cannot tell us when to stop or how to stop or how to handle this. Please, I have said so many times we need your
support much more than we need your advice. Every person who has lost a child recently has all agreed on this one point! Allow
us the time we need to grieve and if you cannot do that, then simply put, leave us alone. But the GREATEST gift we can
give each other in this process is to give each other, husband and wife, mother and father, parents and widow/widower, all
of us involved we need to give each other permission to grieve. If you have grieved and are ready to move on I am proud for
you and happy you can, but allow me the same opportunity. Taking that away from me will cause me pain and bitterness toward
you. Parental grief.
That is the one I have become very acquainted with. I can see it is actually influenced by the nature of the bond between
child and parent. Distant parents who never really developed a deep bond with the child seem to handle their grief distantly
and almost impersonally. While those who are close to the child are more openly effected. So-called experts have given a name
to this form of grieving for mothers and fathers, "Incongruent grieving." A fancy term for "men and women grieve
differently and at different times." There is a difference in timing and intensity of their parental bond for mothers
and fathers and that carries over into their grieving as well. Women tend to be emotional immediately while dad is going about
doing his business, as a good father should - do the business part of this now and grieve later. See if you agree with
me on this. For the mother,
the bond with the child is usually more immediate and demonstrable. I mean, she carried the child for 9 months, shared her
body with that infant, and now that the child has come into the world there is an intense immediate bond right there at the
beginning of life. It is emotionally and physically a very intimate relationship. The mother's bond started 9 months prior
actually, it is tightly forged at conception! It continues through the pregnancy, the birth and nursing, if the mother nurses.
In many cases it continues as mothers become the most active care givers of the child with the father pitching in to help
from time to time. This maternal bond involves the here and now otherwise known as the present, and involves the baby's immediate
needs. The father's fraternal
bond is also at play here. The Dad's bond with the child more often centers and concerns itself with the future, the dreams
and expectations of the child. In this present age though, fathers have learned to take a more active role earlier in the
lives of their child. They are in the delivery room when the child comes into the world. Fathers today tend to take a more
active role in the early development of the child. Some are direct caregivers of the new baby and they develop a very early
and close bond with their children. Yeah fathers! However, here is the deal, and I will probably lose some of you right now,
in many cases of the death of a child something happens and I have not seen every reaction of every family and father involving
the death of a child but here is something I believe I have seen. In many instances the father's emotional investment in parenting
and the child's life tend to occur later and less intensely than the mother's. This is why it seems many fathers and mothers
grieve so differently. People tend to believe and think the father does not grieve as intensely as the mother. Many things
are written about the grief of the mother and the widow. Many songs and poems are dedicated to that - but very little is written
of and said of a father's grief. I know this sounds selfish to the extreme, but it is true. I am not downplaying anyone else's
grief only reminding that there is another who grieves as well. As I reflect on the past 6 months since the fateful night Jon was killed, I reflect on
others who have suffered the loss of a son. Those who lost children to car wrecks, drug overdoses, accidents and every other
source of death I see a pattern developed of the fathers sitting in the background allowing everyone else to grieve, allowing
all the comfort to be poured into their wives and family and taking this death on alone. Allow me some leeway here as I write this. When is it my turn
to cry? I mean when am I allowed to lay prostrate on the ground and weep for my son? When can I? When will I be allowed to
do that without being told in essence, "suck it up?" Be strong for your family. Don't let your children see you
cry. Trust me I have seen widows told that! I have seen mothers told that! I have seen it ten-fold told that to fathers! I
look around me and feel that culture, society and, perhaps even my upbringing, have all been geared toward telling me not
to let loose and cry. I mean to really cry will bring a reaction of embarrassment and shame for me by those witnessing my
grief. I am a man. I am strong, I must support my wife because I am a MAN! I am the cornerstone of my family because the world
says so. My family says so and until I can learn differently I say so! That is what we are taught. Once, when I finally had enough of a family member's selfish and
childish behavior, I hung up on her. I was told I was to apologize, this is the same family member who showed herself to
be nothing more than a "selfish look at me person." Yes, in the midst of my grief when I got enough of being yelled
at over things I could not control, after keeping them away form the widow with their pettiness and uncalled for anger,
I simply hung up the phone and yet I was the horrible selfish unkind person. One night I had enough and I went off alone
to cry, to have my time. When someone called to ask me a question and I tried to answer, I was told, "I can't understand
you when you are crying like a baby; I'll talk to you when you get control of yourself." Needless to say I have not spoken
a word to them since. But the attitude that I could not cry, I was not allowed to cry, was prevalent. When discovered I would
preach my own son's funeral it was commented, "He'll never make it, he is too emotional," as if that was a
bad thing. By the way, I did peach his funeral, just as I did my Dads and several of my aunts and uncles. Sadly,
not a one of them truly knows my past and what I have come through to make me who I am today but that's another writing all
together. I look around
and see that the people around us truly think along cultural lines when it comes to grief. No matter how close the father
and child may be the cultural expectations about men, the grief process is powerful and it persists even in a more "enlightened"
society. In a society of touchy feely relationships the view of society is that parental loss is not the same for the father
as it is for the mother. Look at the material available and you will see it is geared toward the mother! (In dealing with
parental grief.) It seems men are not noted or acknowledged as experiencing grief. We are taught as men, it is not necessary
to grieve and we are discouraged from showing our grief openly. I mean, if you do, you are certainly a sissy and bleeding
heart liberal. Trust me I felt that way. My tears meant nothing to anyone but me. I felt like a second class mourner. I think
fathers have become the forgotten grievers. When we do grieve it is behind closed doors away from prying eyes and when one
of us finally speaks up we come across as wimps and selfish. It is almost comical to think - because I grieved openly for
my son I was not the man I should be. The same man who fought for his country as well. The man who took lives with his actions
as a police officer and military actions, the man who went into a burning building 5 times to pull out his fellow soldiers
is a wimp and borderline coward for allowing his grief to be shown. I am the man who keeps all this to himself because it
is just the way we are, but now I am wimp and weak for weeping openly. I am no longer MAN HEAR ME ROAR, I am man hear
me whimper and cry. Keep your grief to yourself man... that's how it felt. We Dads are EXPECTED to be strong for our wives; we are the "rock" of the family.
We are expected to be the ones who attend to the practical... get on with the business of the business of burying our child.
We are not to deal with the emotional aspects of their death; we should never let our emotions show or let tears run down
our faces. We will not, we cannot fall apart. I have been asked many more times how my wife is doing but seldom asked how
I am doing. That's ok... I can handle it, but it does show why fathers tend to think of themselves as second class grievers. These expectations, these ideas surrounding
the man thing... well they deprive men, the fathers, of their rightful and urgent need to grieve. I mentioned men from the
Bible earlier; even Jesus grieved! I can tell you this - this need will come and it will be expressed eventually. If not allowed
to be expressed in its time, when it finally does come, it will most often be the destructive forms. Many men take their own
lives after the death of a child. Let me give you a bit of insight to something here - it is not uncommon, and this is from
my own experience and talking to others, for grieving dads to feel overwhelmed, ignored, unwanted, lonely, isolated and outright
abandoned as we try our best to remain the care givers of our loved ones and remain the head of the family. We return to our
jobs and life while our hearts are still breaking! I still have obligations and responsibilities in my life and I have to
fulfill those while still trying to deal with my son being gone. You can call it passing away, called home, called to duty
in heaven, mustered out to heaven, sleeping with the angels, and a host of others sweet phrases, but the bottom line for us,
our son is dead. I am dealing with, the loss of my friend, my confidant, my right hand man, the one who got me, my hunting
partner, my fishing buddy, the man I always knew had my back, the one who thought like me, the one who cherished my advice,
the man who I was proud of, my brother in Christ, the young man I baptized, the boy I played with for hours, built models
with, sang songs with, dressed up for Halloween, watched unwrap present with glee in his eyes, the man I saw marry a wonderful
young woman, the boy I loved as a child that I loved even more as a man, yes people, that man is dead. I will never again
hear his voice call me. I will never again hug his neck. I will never again tell him to his face "I love you."
There ya go. Every cross word I said to him, every spanking I gave him, every disappointment I was stupid enough to tell him
about in anger, every mistake I made as a Dad rushed back to me like an avalanche rushing down the steepest mountain. So bear
with me as I grieve. By the way, I know we will meet one day in heaven... but in the here and now I miss him! Psssst...
it is ok if I do. Here
is my fear. Here is why I write. I am not eloquent. It is hard for me to speak these words. I take pen to paper and I let
it go. I never know what the end of my writing will be. I only know I will get there eventually and re-read what I wrote and
feel better perhaps. I am not being snide but I am being honest - I share these words not for your advice on how to handle
my grief. Not to be told "remember the memories" or be told depend on God. I dont write them to be told my son is
in heaven looking down on me or he is now my guardian angel, to be honest I dont believe that for a second. He is in paradise
without pain and tears. I write them, knowing I do not write them for him to see, I write them for me to see. Simply put,
he is in a better place and the cares and worries of this world do not reach him there and I am thankful for that. I know
these things, I promise. I write them so others will know they are not alone in this! Ok back to the thing I wanted to tell
you. I am a bereaved
Dad. I think you got that. These emotions I feel? This pain and anguish? They are very very difficult to contain. I mean after
all I am human. I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions. Anger, despair, sadness, embarrassment, oh you name it, I rode
it. But let me tell you this... another reason why I write? Because YOU think you need to tell me how to grieve. You think
you need to tell me your life story and compare the death of your cousins cousin and his loss to mine. I dont discredit that
loss or your lifer story but hey this is my personal loss. You think you HAVE to tell me how to grieve, what to say and how
to cure myself. To be honest again - unless you have dealt with the loss of a child - you really dont know nor can you imagine
so it might be best if you just listened and learned. Yes I have lost a parent and loved ones and they are not the same. When
I write this down you dont interrupt me and my thought process. You think you HAVE to preach the Bible to me. You think you
need to do many things when really all you have to do is say I support you; let it go, I will listen. LET ME GRIEVE! I am
not being mean and snide, I am just telling you how it is. I know all these things, and to have you constantly reminding me
of them only serves to make me hide it from you and not share myself and my grief with anyone. God is sharing it with me.
He is helping me, I go to Him in prayer, I ran to Him - not away from Him, I never lost an ounce of faith in Him, in
fact, I have more faith and dependency on Him, so please understand I know that, SO LET ME VENT WIHTOUT YOU HAVING TO FEEL
YOU NEED TO REMIND ME OF THE KNOWN FACTS. If I am not allowed to release these feelings then a volcano will erupt eventually.
All too often dads bury their grief in the same casket they bury their children in and others come along and nail that coffin
shut. Are you the hammer holder? Are you passing out the nails? ANYWAY you ask what you can do to help? Here is an idea
- simply sit next to the grieving father quietly and let him bare his soul with no prejudice and do it by supporting him. All of you, spouses, other family members,
professionals, coworkers, friends and anyone who will listen, let us verbalize our grief. Allow us to break free from stereotypes
and social expectations. Take a another view of grief and understand we dads are hurting too. We must be allowed to share
our grief. You know why? Because right now it is all I may have to share with you from my child's short life! We have to be
allowed to move on as well. When we cannot and are not allowed to grieve we bottle it up and it stays with us for years! We
react to the death of our child not as we need to, but how others believe we should by acting as men instead of how we need
to react. We do not confront and resolve our grief properly because you wont let us. Anyway, this is most likely the last
of my writings. I shared one yesterday and perhaps I will share this as well. Know I love you and do not want to hurt anyone
but if you read this it might give you insight to what dads feel as they grieve.
Blaming God
James R. Dunigan
Some time back I was reading the comments made from people about the death of two teenagers who died suddenly in
plane crash. I am sad to hear of the loss of these two precious young people. I have no idea about their spiritual condition
and pray they were prepared for death. However I saw one man write "I don't understand why it was God's will for these
two girls to die." Sometimes people will lament "Why did God take this person home?" Or they might say "God
needed this or that person's ability in heaven." I have often heard people make comments such as these. In a nutshell
that say it was God's will this person died or was suffering. It is surprising that people think this is a true statement.
To me it says that God is sitting on His throne in heaven pointing His finger at some poor person here on earth and bringing
down death and destruction on that person. However, nothing could be further from the truth. The other aspects of these types
of statements that concern me are, it lays blame on God. It makes sense that if you believe that it is God's will for this
or that person to die and suffer then it goes hand in hand it is God's fault they died or suffered. Does God "call people
home" as some say? Does God sit in heaven and mark a date and time on the calendar and makes sure you don't live one
moment past that predetermined time?
On March 09, 2010 an event would happen to my wife and I that would shake
us to our very core. Our youngest son, Jon, was killed in action. His life snuffed out by a suicide bomber. Many bits of information
has come in and the how and whys of this occurrence but the simple statement I made about it is the truth in its essence.
Many people seek to comfort us with "he was called to muster in heaven"; "God wanted you to have an awesome
guardian angel", while I know they are trying to comfort me our beliefs on this are far different. Once again God did
not call Jon "home?" To make these statements would be to say God decided Jon was to die right then and there and
to die in a horrible, painful manner. God would have intentionally put his family through the pain, horror and agony of this
foul murder for these statements to be true. Why would God take Jon away from earth, away from the pain and worry of this
world and then turn right around and make him come back and watch us struggle and suffer as our guardian angel? But to answer
that I would be going into a whole different direction for this writing. But as we dealt wiht the pain and anguish of his
death we sought to gain a deeper understanding of life and faithfulness. These types of events will drive one to God or away
from Him depending on the answers they accept as true.
I know at one time or another, most of us have experienced
many of the vast array of emotions that flood over us when we experience the death of a loved one - there's disbelief and
denial; there are disappointments and regrets, there's sadness and depression; but often there's also anger. We are downright
mad! But why anger? Because deep down inside we have this awareness that death is wrong, it's evil, it was never intended
to be; we have become the victim of the worst kind of robbery, someone we so dearly loved has been stolen from us. For many
people, this anger with death gets focused on God. Unfortunately, many people hold God responsible; He's the one who sends
the death angel to snuff out the life of that person; frequently this finds expression in the words, "God took my father
(mother, brother, etc.). But think about it - if God is responsible for death, doesn't that make Him a murderer? But we know
that God said "thou shall not kill (murder)." Wouldn't it be hypocritical if God Himself was a murderer? What kind
of a God would He be if He was guilty of the very thing He condemns us for?
There's some confusion about the phrase,
"God's will." Many people seem to think that God is synonymous with "fate"- everything is already determined,
"whatever will be will be" - there's nothing we can do to change it. Maybe it's normal to be angry with death, but
it's wrong to be angry with God. Why? Because death is not according to God's will - with one, single, major exception - death
is due to man's will. Going to 2 Peter 3:9, please notice the "but" - it says the Lord is "not willing that
any should perish but . . ." "But" what? "That all should come to repentance." God's will is that
all should come to repentance, and this implies that we have a choice. Does everyone make this choice? No, some people choose
otherwise, Adam and Eve did! God does not want death for us, He wants life. The important question is, "What do you want?"
for it's not about what God wants, or what God wills, it's about what you and I want.
In Matthew chapter 6: 26-33
Jesus discusses God's providential care of all of us, the animals, plants and people. Jesus never said God takes direct action
in these events. When Jesus was talking about the providential care of God, He taught that God demonstrates His love
for His creatures in ways that are not necessarily miraculous or supernatural. To be "called home" or death coming
through "God's Will" would be God miraculously "taking you out." Kind of a heavenly hit man.
What mankind needs to do is stop blaming everything on God! The sooner people realize that tornadoes, floods, hurricanes,
wild fires, earthquakes, mud slides, avalanches and other natural disasters are not God's wrath, then the sooner people will
be able to learn how to better prepare themselves for heaven. Death is one of the occurrences of life, to be honest
it is no surprise (Heb. 9:26-27.) No one knows how they will die. We do not know if our death will be a natural one of old
age or comes abruptly at a young age. It is foolish to think that God or his angels are watching over us at times of disaster
and death with the intentions of causing pain and suffering. Is God to blame? This is often the question that comes to mind
when we confront real suffering in our own life or in the lives of those we love. Death and suffering was never
God's plan for mankind. When He created man in the beginning He placed him in the Garden of Eden where there was no death,
illness or suffering, that my friend is God's plan for us. Then Satan came along and tempted man, man failed and death
and suffering came into the world. (Gen. 2-3.) Man failed God, God did not fail man. Now man strives to return to that perfect
place God has for us named heaven. Christ came to this earth and died so we may once again obtain this perfect place
of no death, illness and suffering (Rev. 21:4) He died so we might be reconciled with God (Eph. 2:15-17) and once again enjoy
that perfect relationship with God that man once had in the Garden of Eden. Christ came and died so He could abolish death!
(2 Tim. 1:9-11.) Because of Christ we can indeed ask O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory? (1
Cor. 15: 54-57.)
People think since God created everything, He is responsible for everything including bad things
that happen to me and others. God did create everything that is in existence (Gen. 1) but someone else modified some of those
things for evil purposes - Satan was that someone. Take note that everything that God created was good. (Gen. 1:1-25.) Even
man was created good and sinless, but man sinned and ruined that which God created. God is responsible for all good that is
in the world (James 1:17.) But he is not responsible for evil. Man is responsible for his own behavior; (Rom. 2:6-11.)
So why do people blame God or say things like it was His will for this person to die or suffer? It is because God is an easy
target. Seems that when we find ourselves in difficulties we always want to blame the one who's in charge. God is in charge
of everything, so ultimately, we reason, He's to blame. Moreover, God won't argue with us, at least, not immediately. Those
who think in this manner forget God's longsuffering toward us 2 Peter 3:9-12. We are also taught God wants no man to perish!
1 Tim. 2:3-5 " For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to
come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus."
(Cf. Acts 17:30-31.) Without question, when Peter says God is not willing that any should perish, it means that God
does not want anyone to die. It's as simple as that. It follows then that because we have been created in the image of God
- if God doesn't want us to die, and we are like Him, then no wonder we get angry in the face of death. Death is not according
to God's will, but according to our choice.
It is also clear that God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked,
it is also clear that He most surely does not will or decree their death. (Eze.33:10-12.) This expression of Gods will
is revealed in the many verses of Scripture which indicate what God does and does not take pleasure in. It is time we stopped
blaming God and stop being ignorant of Him and His will.
If we are not careful, Christians can easily become preoccupied
or even obsessed with finding the will of God for our lives. We become obsessed with wanting to assign everything that happens
to us as God's Will. It amazes me how many people are quick to assign death and suffering and all bad things to God's Will
but give Him little to no credit for the blessings and good in our lives (Eph. 1:2-4.). If the will we are seeking is His
secret or hidden will - we are on a foolish quest. God has not chosen to reveal that aspect of His will for us. What
we should seek to know is the revealed will of God. The true mark of spirituality is when people desire to know and live according
to the will of God as revealed in the Scripture, and that can be summarized as be holy for I am Holy (I Peter 1:15-16.) ).
Our responsibility is to obey the revealed will of God and not to speculate on what His hidden will for us might be. While
we should seek to be led by the Holy Spirit, we must never forget that the Holy Spirit is primarily leading us to righteousness
and to being conformed into the image of Christ so that our lives will glorify God. God calls us to live our lives by every
word that proceeds from His mouth.
Earlier we emphasized the point that death is not according to God's will -
with one, single, major exception. What is that exception? Jesus. In the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before His death
on a cruel cross, Jesus prayed the memorable lines, "not my will but Yours be done." (Lk. 22:41-43.) It was God's
will that His own Son die. "God is not willing that any should perish," except for Jesus - that was the one death
that was according to God's will. He planned that death so that no one else would need to die and so that we could obtain
salvation (Heb. 5:7-9.) That is God's true Will for you!
~ Gone With the Wind ~ By Cindy Granke
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “Your sons and daughters were
eating and drinking wine
in their oldest brother’s house, and suddenly a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the
house, and it fell on the young people, and they are dead; and I
alone have escaped to tell you!” Job 1:18-19
~
~ ~ ~ ~
I couldn’t help but think of Job, as all of these things came to pass over the night of April 27th,
when over 300 tornadoes blew over five states within a 24 hour time frame. People huddled in closets or whatever holes
they could find to try to escape being carried away by the wind. Parents tell of holding onto their children for dear
life as the wind continued to suck one child from his mother’s grasp. Can you imagine your hold on your child’s
fingertips giving way and your little one being gone in a second? Many of us have experienced
the loss of a parent, a child, a spouse, or a dear friend, due to illness, an accident or in a house fire. However few
of us have lost several family members, neighbors, and every thing we own – with only a pile of rubble left in its place
- and all of that taking no longer than a moment or two. Tornadoes
are not the only frightening causes of these catastrophic kinds of losses. Consider our hurricanes, like Katrina and the
wildfires in California and Texas, and the recent earthquakes and tsunami in Japan, in which the
residents have suffered such terrible loss and grief. Due to the nuclear catastrophe that followed on the heels of those
horrific events, with everything they owned being sucked out to sea, they cannot even rebuild in some areas.
My heart breaks for those who have lost so much and had no place to run or hide.
Such physical and emotional tragedies have long been a part of the laws of nature which God set in process from the beginning,
and confronted man when he was exiled from the garden of Eden. My purpose in this article is to offer some comfort and
reminders to Our Hope readers. Some of you are already familiar with the trials and tribulations of Job, if you’ve been a part of the
study of Job, which Pat has been directing on our pages. As if losing all his children had not been bad enough, Job
also lost even more than that. I don’t want to quote the whole first chapter of
that book, but I wish to focus on the passage quoted at the top of this page. The fact is that he lost everything in one day
- his livestock, his crops, his family – it was all gone, and then he suffered bodily affliction, too. Like Job, some of you may have lost everything in these recent disasters. Many of you sustained physical
injuries and all of you are facing emotional trauma. Some of you have lost members of your family. In
addition to all of that, you likely lost your livelihood, places of business, hospitals, grocery stores,
and every place you normally turned to for the physical necessities in life were also blown away. Your children
may no longer have a school. We think of you and pray for you in the tremendous losses you have sustained. May I offer some thoughts from God’s word which I hope will comfort and give
you strength? There are
times when our grief, or pain is such that we are unable to do more than cry, because mere words cannot express our despair.
Our Lord understands our needs and our pain, because He listens to our hearts, not just our words (Romans 8:26-27). He
knows the depth of sorrow which causes a man to pray, “with strong crying and tears” (Hebrews 5:7), because He
has experienced it Himself, in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:44-46).
There are so many comforting passages
of Scripture that help at such times. I can identify with many of the things David wrote during the down times
in his life, when he reaffirmed his hope and confidence in the Lord. At the end of this article, I will list
some of them, in hopes that you will find comfort in them, as well. Most
everyone is familiar with the 23rd Psalm, and it is always very comforting. But here are others passages, as well.
Here are just a few.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Psalm
4:1 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy
upon me, and hear my prayer. Psalm 6:6-7 I am weary
with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of
grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies. Psalm 18:1-2
I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom
I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. Psalm
27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalm 31:9-10 Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is
consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly. For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth
because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed. Psalm 34:18
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though
the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. Psalm 63:6-8 David prayed all through the long nights sometimes. We
should feel comfortable with our Lord and be able to do this when we are in great anguish. Psalm 73:25-26 God is the strength of our heart Psalm 119:114 Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
There are simply too many to quote
them all. Here are some others to add to your list. Psalm 25:18-21; 28:7; 37:23-40;
57:1; 37:23-40; 62:5-8; 71:1-3; 91:2-4; 130:1-5; 138:3; 143:4-5; 145:14-21
Often I'm hindered on my way,
Burdened so heavy I almost fall;
Then
I hear Jesus sweetly say;
"Heaven will surely be worth it all."
Many the trials, toils and tears,
Many a heartache may here appall;
But the dear Lord so truly says:
"Heaven will surely be worth it all."
Toiling and pain I will endure,
Till I shall hear the death angel call;
Jesus has promised and I'm sure
Heaven will surely be worth it all.
Heaven will surely be worth it all.
Worth all the sorrows that here
befall;
After this life with all its strife,
Heaven will surely be worth it all. ~ W. Oliver Cooper ~
In the dark of the midnight,
Have I oft hid my face;
While the
storm howls above me,
And there's no hiding place;
'Mid the crash of the thunder,
Precious Lord, hear my cry;
"Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by."
'Til the storm passes over,
'Til the thunder sounds no more;
'Til
the clouds roll forever from the sky,
Hold me fast, let me stand,
In the hollow of Thy hand;
Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by.
Many times Satan whispers,
"There is no need to try;
For
there's no end of sorrow,
There's no hope by and by";
But I know Thou art with me,
And tomorrow I'll rise;
Where the storms never darken the skies.
When the long night has ended,
And the storms come no more,
Let me stand in Thy
presence.
On that bright, peaceful shore.
In that land where the tempest
Never comes, Lord may I
Dwell
with Thee when the storm passes by.
~ Mosie Lister ~
Three Meditations
in Loss of a Loved One 1. Love
often longs to be the one who suffers alone in order for the loved one to be at peace.
Not Thou
But I It must have been
for one of us, my own,To
drink this cup and eat this bitter bread,Had not my tears upon thy face been shed,Thy tears had dropped on mine; if I aloneDid not walk now, thy spirit would have knownMy loneliness, and did my feet not treadThis weary path and steep, thy feet had bledFor mine, and thy mouth had for mine made moan;And so it comforts me, yea, not in vainTo think of thy eternity of sleep,To know thine eyes are tearless though mine weep,And when this cup's last bitterness I drain,One thought shall still its primal sweetness keep -Thou hadst the peace and I the undying pain. .
2. Forgiveness is often too late to benefit the loved one that
was lost.
If I Should Die
Tonight If I should die tonight,My friends would look upon my quiet face,Before they laid it in its resting place,And deem that death had left it almost fair,And laying snow-white flowers against my hair,Would smooth it down with tearful tenderness,And fold my hands with lingering caresss-Poor hands, so empty and so cold tonight!.
If I should die tonight,My
friends would call to mind with loving thoughtSome kindly deed the icy hand had wrought;Some gentle word the frozen lips had said;Errands on which the willing feet had sped.The memory of my selfishness and pride,My hasty words, would all be put aside,And so I should be loved and mourned tonight..
If I should die tonight,Even
heart estranged would turn once more to me,Recalling other days remorsefully.The eyes that chill me with averted glanceWould look upon me as of yore, Would soften in the old familiar way;For who wold war with dumb, unconscious clay?So I might rest, forgiven of all tonight.. Oh
friends, I pray tonightKeep
not your kisses for my dead, cold brow;The way is lonely, let me feel them now.Think gently of me; I am travel worn;My faltering feet are pierced with many a thorn.Forgive, O hearts estranged, forgive, I plead!When dreamless rest is mine I shall not needThe tenderness for which I long tonight..
3. We will again meet our loved one in the loving arms of
Jesus.
He
Is Not Dead I cannot say,
and I will not sayThat
he is dead. He is just away.With
a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,He
has wandered into an unknown landAnd
left us dreaming how very fairIt
needs must be, since he lingers there.And
you - oh, you, who the wildest yearnFor
an old-time step, and the glad return,Think
of him faring on, as dearIn
the love of There as the love of Here.Think
of him still as the same. I say,He
is not dead-he is just away..
The Last Fight by Robert
F. Turner
via Plain Talk, January 1971 On the ruins of a theater in Ephesus there is
a memorial to an athlete of the 2nd century A.D. which reads: "He fought three fights,
and twice
was crowned."
Watch out for that last step! You see, those "athletes" fought to
the death. A man's last fight was always fatal. So, the crown meant only that one changed opponents;
and sooner or later the last would slay him. What a difference in this crown, and that of the apostle Paul: "I
have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of
righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day..." (II Timothy 4:7,8).
Paul
did more than fight "unto death" -- he fought unto life, eternal. If his fight of faith cost him his earthly life,
it only meant he was now free to claim the crown that counted most (Revelation
2:10, II
Cor. 5:6ff.). How different from those who die without hope. Paul
sought an enduring victory -- one that could not be taken from him. He exhorted Timothy, "Lay hold on eternal life..."
(I Timothy 6:12).
This called for training, perseverance, and above all, self control (I
Corinthians 9:24-27). The athlete trained his body only to prolong
the day when it would fail him; but Paul trained his that it might the better serve the Lord, and thus serve his eternal purposes. We
are all engaged in some sort of battle, and in a very real sense it is "unto death." The fatalist, the fool, resigns
himself to shortchange. Though he fights 3,000 times, he can expect but 2,999 temporal crowns, not one of which he can take
with him beyond that last fight. The futility of it all is enough to make a man throw in the towel. The
Faith gives purpose to life. The Christian fights, hard and often. But he has submitted himself to God's will, "strives
lawfully" (II Timothy 2:5), and his fight is never in vain. Jesus Christ has provided for him a crown, and not for him only,
"but unto all them also that love his appearing."
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