Mental Illness & Mental Health Archives 2006/2007

Discouragement Steven Harper Some disciples have an erroneous idea that it is somehow sinful for a follower of God to be discouraged, even for a moment. This idea is probably a result of so much teaching and preaching on the idea that Christians should not be discouraged, or that we have so many blessings, we don't really have cause for discouragement. However this might come to be accepted, the idea is taking the truth a little further than need be, because discouragement in itself is not sinful. There are some consequences of discouragement that may certainly be unwelcome and not beneficial to the people of God, but that is another issue altogether.      Discouragement, by definition, means to deprive of confidence, hope, or spirit; to dissuade or deter; and to hamper; hinder. In spiritual matters, discouragement cannot be a good thing, especially if one continues in the state without addressing the cause. Someone may discourage another because of harsh words or ungodly behavior; others may be discouraged because they are facing hardships and persecution; still others may simply be discouraged because they are not at the level of spiritual maturity they desire. In each case and in every situation, however, the problem must be addressed and the one who is discouraged must be given a solution for the discouragement. But first, let us note that some very godly people have been discouraged at times — sometimes justifiably so — but in all cases, God had an answer. The point we should learn from this is that if we face disappointments and discouragement, God has an answer for us, too. He has given us an answer to every cause for which His people may be discouraged. David. (Psalm 142) Here, the one we know as a man after God's own heart, admits, “my spirit was overwhelmed within me” (v. 3). His plea to the Lord in this is the fact that none stand with him in his trials, and feels abandoned. He says, “Look on my right hand and see, for there is no one who acknowledges me; refuge has failed me; no one cares for my soul” (v. 4). He also said, “Attend to my cry, for I am brought very low; Deliver me from my persecutors, for they are stronger than I” (v. 6). On this occasion, David was discouraged by the lack of support from his fellow man, not unlike the plight many Christians experience even today.    But note that David finds solace in another place: God. In that same psalm where he speaks of his discouragement with man, he speaks the praise of God, who had never — and would never — forsake him.  He cries out to God with the confident assurance, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living” (v. 5). While others may have abandoned him in his time of need, David knew that God would always be with him — a promise made to God's people even today (Heb. 13:5). If you are ever discouraged because it seems like your closest friends have abandoned you in times of trouble, just remember this promise God has given and reclaim your hope. There is no reason to remain discouraged! (Psalms 32, 38) On another occasion, David again felt discouragement, but it was of his own doing. Here, he writes, “When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer” (32:3, 4). And, “I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. For my loins are full of inflammation, and there is no soundness in my flesh. I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart. Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You. My heart pants, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me. My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague, and my relatives stand afar off” (38:7-11). This time, the cause for David's discouragement and sorrow was his own sin! He recognized that, guilty, he stood under the heavy weight of God's hand [guilt for his sin] and he also recognized that others saw his sin, too, and were ashamed to be near him.    But, again, David also recognized there was a way out of this condition. In these same psalms, he recognized, “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered” (32:1). And because he knew this, he could say, “I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and You forgave the iniquity of my sin” (32:5). He could also say, “For in You, O Lord, I hope; You will hear, O Lord my God” (38:15). Even in such a discouraging situation — where you know you have sinned against God and even others know you have sinned against God — there was hope in the knowledge God answered his request and the confidence he could be forgiven.    As children of God today [disciples of Jesus Christ], we have that same confidence! John tells the one who is already a Christian, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). But he doesn't stop there with words that might be a source of discouragement to all; he goes onto say, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (v. 9). In Christ, we have the promise that, should we sin and should we repent and confess those sins, we will be forgiven and cleansed from all unrighteousness! Again, there is no reason to remain discouraged! Elijah. (1 Kings 19) At this time in Elijah's life, things were very bleak for a man of God. Ahab was king of Israel and Jezebel was his wicked queen. Ahab was said to have done “more to provoke the Lord God of Israel to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him” (1 Kings 16:33). [Not a small accomplishment!] He followed after false gods, built a temple for them in Samaria and erected an idol in that temple. Apparently, they were very closely tied to the false prophets of these false gods, for they ate at the table of Jezebel (18:19). If that wasn't enough, Jezebel had massacred the prophets of God (18:4) and those who escaped were hiding in caves.    But Elijah met those false prophets on Mt. Carmel and the Lord delivered a decisive victory over them (18:20-40). Yet for all this, Jezebel still sought the life of Elijah and, immediately following this great victory for the Lord, Elijah fled into the wilderness (19:1-4). It was here that Elijah stopped long enough to think about his situation and began to get discouraged. He even prayed that his life might be taken because he had seen and faced enough.    But while there in the wilderness, God came to him and asked why he was there. Elijah answered, “I alone am left; and they seek to take my life” (19:10). When God came to him again in the still, small voice and again asked why he was there, Elijah gave the same dejected answer: “I alone am left; and they seek to take my life” (v. 14).    But God had an answer for that, too! He revealed to Elijah, “Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him” (v. 18). And today, many Christians feel this sense of discouragement, thinking they are "alone" in a world of ungodliness but, once again, God has an answer. Just remember there are many today who have not "bowed the knee" to worldliness and who are faithfully serving God where they are. Whatever situation we may face — even if it seems like we have lost all hope — there is no reason to remain discouraged. Remember God is near, and in His Word we may find hope again http://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. James 5:13 Always talk to God about all your struggles. He understands unlike any human can and He is always there for you. Always! In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge. The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, To turn one away from the snares of death. Prov 14:26-27 When the dark hours come, take refuge in the Lord and refresh your mind with the fountain of life. It is there to aid you in your struggle. Optimists, for example, tend to do better than pessimists when coping with stressful situations. They are more likely to put a positive spin on stressors, look for ways to make the best of a bad situation, and use problem-solving strategies to tackle difficulties. Some studies indicate that optimists often fare better physically, too. A long-term study of more than 830 Mayo Clinic patients published in Mayo Clinic Proceedings in 2000 found that those classified as pessimists had a 19% higher risk of mortality over the course of 30 years than those who were optimists. A 10-year study of 1,300 men based on data drawn from the Veterans Affairs Normative Aging Study was reported in Psychosomatic Medicine in 2001. It suggested that a sense of optimism may protect older men against developing heart disease. If you're not a natural optimist, this information could merely fuel your pessimism. Don't let it. Take a deep breath and relax. Evidence suggests avoiding pessimism is more important than boosting optimism. It's true that there are people with naturally sunny natures, but it's equally true that the way you handle yourself emotionally owes a great deal to nurture. With practice, your current outlook and behaviors can change for the better. www.everydayhealth.com I had the privilege of meeting Fran Liggin a couple of years before she passed away -- we had some great conversations about her livng with being bipolar. She was a spiritual woman and no matter how deep our conversations went, because of her great sense of humor, we always ended our talks with laughing. Majoring in Minors Mary M. (Fran) Liggin I'm convinced that the catharsis for sadness and depression is gratitude. Gratitude in the life of a Christian is not optional. We re taught by command to be grateful. In 1 Thessalonians 5:8 the apostle Paul wrote, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." We are also taught by example to be grateful. Jesus was thankful: Matt. 11:25-27; Mark 8:6; John 11:41. Other great characters of the Bible had thankful hearts -- David: 1 Chron. 16:7-36; Psalm 100. Daniel: Daniel 6:10; Anna: Luke 2:38; Paul: Acts 27:35, 28:15; Philippians 1:3, 4:6. Often we get so caught up in our misfortunes or "how bad" we feel that our whole life begins to revolve around these negatives. We even date matters from a given tragedy, "That happened the year hurricane Opal hit" or "the year I nearly died of pneumonia." We need to major on our blessings and minor on our troubles. This is not an easy thing to do but it is something we MUST do. If we are not careful while we walk the pathway of life, we will never pluck a rose, see its beauty, nor enjoy its aroma. Instead, we will pluck many thorns and wear them in our hearts. Because she did not major on her troubles Fanny Crosby, who was blind, could still write "with numberless blessings each moment He crowns" in her wonderful hymn, "A Wonderful Savior." In fact, when we learn how to be truly grateful, we will learn how to be grateful even for our troubles and our so-called inconveniences. "One little boy was thankful for his glasses for they kept the boys from fighting him and the girls from kissing him," (Heart Diseases and Their Cures, by Wendell Winkler, pg. 22). How can a Christian learn to be thankful, even for their troubles? He must firmly believe that "all things work together for good to them that love the Lord," Romans 8:28. Many times we are so thankless because we are so thoughtless. We must train our thinking so that we become aware of every blessing, even the ordinary and commonplace blessings of life. One way to do this is to stop taking the commonplace things of life for granted. We must learn to express our gratitude by our lives as well as with our lips. And we must always express our gratitude for our spiritual blessings -- they are the blessings that count! Perhaps the following authentic Kentucky recipe, with original spelling, for washing clothes as contributed by a reader to the Colorado Interstate Gas Company magazine, will help us to be appreciative of commonplace conveniences that we are so prone to take for granted: 1. bild a fire in back yard to heat kittle of rain water. 2. set tubs so smoke won't blow in eyes if wind is pert 3. save one hole cake soap in billin water; 4. sort things, make three piles - 1 pile white, 1 pile cullord, 1 pile work britches and rags 5. stur flour in cold water to smooth then thin down with billin water 6. scrub dirty spots on board - scrub hard, then bile; rub cullard but don't bile - just rench and starch 7. spred tea towles on grass 8. hang old rags on fence 9. pore rench water in flower bed 10. scrub porch with hot soapy water 11. turn tubs upside down 12. go put on clean dress -- smooth hair with side comb -- brew cup of tea -- sit and rest and rock a spell and count blessings. Life Is So Daily Days seem sad Nights seem long! Keep on trying, Try to stay strong. Life is so daily! Lots of disappointments, Folks let me down, Keep on smiling, Try not to frown. Life is so daily! Keep on walking, Straight to my goal; Heaven for my home, Saving for my soul. Life is so daily! Wonderful peace, No pain and n sorrow No more night; Sunlight tomorrow. Heaven will be so daily! by Mary M. (Fran) Liggin For our mental health, we need to remember our purpose in this life. For those of us with ongoing physical and/or emotional trials we may get so caught up in our struggles that we forget why we are here. Disease, grief, and organic depression are selfish; they try and take up all our mental energy and while we do have to give in to their demands at time, we can continue to try and stay focused on our purpose. This effort will help us to persevere and triumph over these trials. Our Purpose In Life by Kent Heaton In October of 2005, C. D. Moore of Bell, Florida offered a prayer at a gathering of saints at the Cherry Sink Church of Christ. In the course of the prayer he offered, he made the following statement: “Lord, help us to remember what our purpose in life is – the privilege to serve the Lord.” Few thoughts sum up the total of man than the truth of how privileged we are to be considered worthy to approach the throne of God. Men in their pride and arrogance have slain those who would dare enter their courts without permission (Esther 4:11). People of God have a Father who entreats His children to come into His presence to lay their anxious hearts before Him (Philippians 4:6,7). Those who follow the Son of God have a single purpose in life: to serve the King! What a imposing thought to consider in the mind of man. We stand before the “King of Kings and Lord of Lords” (Revelation 19:16) to serve Him and to obey His every command. As servants of the Most High God we have dedicated our lives to follow Him who rides upon a white horse whose name is Faithful and True (Revelation 19:11-16). Jesus Christ is our King and His Father is the Almighty whom we find the summation of our life filled within our breath. It is a privilege to serve Him. It is an awesome thing to consider Him we serve. Moses said, "Who is like You among the gods, O Lord? Who is like You, majestic in holiness, awesome in praises, working wonders?” (Exodus 15:11). The mercy of God has allowed us to have this benefit - this blessing. Mortal man has been given the opportunity to serve the immortal Creator of this world who holds our breath in His hand (Daniel 5:23). We serve Him because He loved us enough to give His only begotten Son to die for our sins (John 3:16). Our allegiance is borne upon the blood given at Golgotha (John 19:17). The servitude we offer to God is only dust on the debt of redemption. God has allowed in His infinite mercy to seek men to worship Him and by His grace we are allowed to enter into His holy court. Our purpose in life is not about my needs and my wants. The reason behind our motives, our wants, our needs and our course of life is governed by the humble realization that we serve a risen Savior. We did not earn this right. There was nothing we could do that would offer this entrance before God. The Jews proved it could not be done by the written law and the Gentiles showed it could not be done as a law to themselves (Romans 2). Paul told Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:9 that God “has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity.” Glory to God for this rich blessing of being able to serve a loving Father. Children of God serve the Lord through the blessing of the grace of God. When it enters the mind of men to forget this grace, lost is the blessing of God. All that we are and all that we can become will only be found in the knowledge that our purpose in life is a single thought: the privilege to serve the Lord. When our life ends and we are ushered before the great and holy presence of Jehovah, these words will ring in our hearts throughout the eternal ages: “Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:23). http://lavistachurchofchrist.org Read this quotes in line with our purpose in life is to serve the Lord Jesus: ♦ Purpose serves as a principle around which to organize our lives. ♦ Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes. ♦ The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. ♦ How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world. ♦ People do not lack strength, they lack will. How do we serve Christ when we are depressed, lonely, scared, sad, and struggling just to survive? Read the word of God. Make a mental list or write down your blessings. Pray: Praise God, offer thanksgiving, pray for self, pray for the church, pray for the world, pray for enemies, pray for friends, pray for rulers, pray for all men. Talk to a trusted friend. Get mind on something positive. Do something for someone else. Don't give in to Satan in thought, word or deed. Keep your armor on, even when if you begin to feel it's weight. Persevere and the sword and shield will get lighter and lighter. Don't give up! Don't give in! Know there are others who are like you out there fighting the same spiritual battle. You are never alone. Others are with you in spirit. The Lord is with you. Force rational thinking even if you are thinking and feeling irrational. Force into your mind what God tells us in His word. Even if the sadness and negative thinking remains, allow the Truth of the Word to stand as a spiritual, mental guard, not allowing the negative thinking to take over. This light is pushing the dark thoughts and feelings back into a corner, not allowing them to consume your spirit. When you begin to feel battle fatigue remember, if you don't give up, God, in you, will always be victorious. Keep telling yourself these feelings will not last. It will get better. Keep the goal of heaven in your mind. Think of its glory, its comfort and everlasting peace. Don't give up! Could you deal with the topic of loneliness. Could you deal with the topic of loneliness? Each time I begin to tell of my situation, I feel I shouldn't. It seems so petty when I put in in writing but the depression and loneliness I'm dealing with doesn't seem petty going through it each day. There are no Christians in my area and it seems people are so busy they don't have time to be friendly. Another topic I would like to see would deal with new people, and/or Christians, moving into the community. I've experienced this and it seems so many times no one reaches out in friendship.  When others never leave home and have their family, friend and neighbors surrounding them, they may not think how lonely it gets for those who have relocated.  --anonymous rrrrrrrrr I am so glad you wrote. Your depression and loneliness is not at all petty, proven by the fact it doesn't feel petty as you go through it day after day. You don't have to be experiencing serious illness, grief, or some great tragedy in order to have a trial that is important enough to recognize and discuss. Some of our greatest trials are in the mundane day by day living. Loneliness is one of those trials that can affect everyone, no matter the age, financial status, health, or even the degree of faith one has. Of course faith is a great strength and help during these times but Jesus Himself understands loneliness as all forsook Him. Loneliness  Pat Gates  Wow! I just learned something about loneliness I hadn't realized - it's right up there with depression when it comes to people's attitude towards it. I've been looking at religious and non-religious articles about overcoming loneliness and I'm finding out that the normal response to someone asking for help is: It's the lonely person's fault because they are self-pitying and not friendly themselves, they need to seek professional help (what?!), they need to realize God is always with them (true and good point but God also created friendship and the need for people to have other people). No wonder we don't like to admit we are lonely at times, we are judged to be the one with the problem and it's our own fault we are lonely. Yes, in some circumstances it is the person's fault for being lonely when they are self-centered and choose not to be friendly, when they are so hard to get along with they cut themselves off by their bad attitude, when they are overly sensitive and get their feelings hurt too easily, when they are so picky about who they want to be friends with that they limit their own friendships, and being too shy to speak to others. However, there are people who long for friendships and can not help their loneliness as one who has moved into a new area, homebound people who try their best to reach out and still don't get response, people confined to hospitals and nursing homes, a person who may be surrounded by people but do not have anyone likeminded, especially if the person is a Christian and living, working, or going to school with those in the world.  While there are many aspects of loneliness, in this article we are going to focus on the loneliness that occurs when one moves into a new area. We'll look at it from the standpoint of the newcomer, how she feels and what she can do, and we'll also look at how we can help those who have recently moved into our area. Being the New Kid on the Block Whether or not we have chosen to move or if it is forced on us, after the excitement of getting settled in we find ourselves having to adjust to a new routine, a new environment, the loss of having close friends and family nearby and stepping out of our zone of comfort in order to make new friends. It is a stressful time as we may feel disconnected, uncared for, feeling left out, and feeling different from others without a common bond.   Here are some suggestions to help with the loneliness involved in moving to a new area. PRAY:  In order to feel comfortable talking to God about your loneliness, you must realize that if you are experiencing pain and anxiety, then this trial is not petty, but is important enough to bring before God. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything let your request be made know to God." Our Lord understands loneliness more than anyone who walked this earth: In John 16:32 Jesus told His disciples, "The hour is coming, yes, has now come, that you will be scattered, each to his own, and will leave Me alone." In the prophecy of Jesus in Isaiah 53:3, it states, "He is despised and rejected by men." God created man to interact with each other and receive support from one another as it is good for our emotional and spiritual well-being. BE PATIENT: Patience is absolutely necessary as it takes time to develop friendships. "Waiting on the Lord," is active, not passive. It is working towards your goal as God provides in His will and wisdom. Sometimes we may discover someone so like-minded we become close in a relatively short period of time, but usually friendships develop over time. While the waiting period may not always be easy, patience is the key to make it easier to endure. REALIZE IT'S OK TO BE ALONE: Feelings of loneliness when you first move into an area are normal and natural. While we prefer to get to know others and form close relationships right away, it doesn't happen like this, so we need to be patient and go ahead and stay busy, get out of the house and enjoy being alone with ourselves. There is a difference between being alone and loneliness. FIGHT FEELINGS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM: We must be friendly in order to have friends, but if we tell ourselves we don't have anything to offer and no one really wants to get to know us, then we must expect loneliness. A low self-esteem as well as fear because of shyness limits our conversations and time spent with people. Fears are social barriers; fear allows us to lie to ourselves (we are not interesting) and it influences us to judge others (they don't want to know us). This brings me to the next point:  DON'T WAIT ON OTHERS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE: Many times we will visit a new congregation or move into a new neighborhood and wait for others to introduce themselves to us, and while the proper and good thing is for the "oldtimers" to welcome us, often that isn't the case in this day and time. Instead of waiting for others to speak, you be the one to initiate conversation. "I've just moved into the area and I'd like to introduce myself and meet you..."  Again, you don't have to wait for others to invite you to dinner, go ahead and invite them. If you live a good distance from them and you think it may create a hardship on them if they were to take the drive to your house, then invite them out to eat. What I mean by hardship is, for instance, if there is an older couple who may have difficulty with driving, otherwise go ahead and invite them to your home. You can also meet others half way at a restaurant if it is during the week, or go on a picnic together if there is a park that is convenient to you both.   FIND A NEED AND FULFILL IT: Pay close attention to announcements on Sunday and mid-week Bible classes and do something for someone in need whether it's sending a card, visiting them, or preparing a meal. It doesn't matter if they know who you are, or not, they will after you do something nice for them. They will always remember your kindness. The same holds true in your neighborhood.  VISIT OTHER CHRISTIANS. Perhaps you can ask another woman to go with you so you can get to know the Christians better, or if your husband is a Christian (or not) perhaps he would be willing to go with you. SOCIALIZE VIA THE INTERNET.You don't want to become completely reliant on the talking with friends online without putting forth effort to meet new people face to face but it will help with your feelings of loneliness. You may find someone who is homebound or bedbound who uses the internet on a daily basis and needs encouragement. DETACH YOURSELF FROM THE FEELINGS OF LONELINESS. This isn't easy, but try. While loneliness can be a trial, try not to view it as such and indulge it by continually dwelling on it; keep your mind busy with other things and realize you are not alone in these feelings. Everyone, at some point in their lives, feels lonely and goes through periods of loneliness. It will get better. GET YOUR MIND ON BEING A WORKER FOR THE LORD. He will provide. I sat in Sewell Hall's Sunday morning class, recently, and one of the trials in the lesson happen to be this very topic. He used Priscilla and Aquilla as examples of having the mindset of a servant, a worker for the Lord whenever and wherever we have to move. Having our minds fixed on service and looking for and making opportunities to serve no matter how "small" will always, without fail, fill the void of loneliness. HAVE A MINDSET OF SERVICE, INSTEAD OF BEING SERVED. In other words, often we Christians move into a new area and think what can the church do for me, rather than what can we do for the church. This could hold true in our neighborhood and work place. I am afraid being too busy is a sign of the times. I long for the days when I was a child when all the neighborhood kids would be outside playing and the moms were home. We knew our neighbors, all our neighbors, on our block and there was some daily interaction between us. Sigh. Well, there's no use dwelling on that because those days are gone and we adjust to the life that now is. The best thing to do under the circumstances is to look for opportunities to get to know your neighbors and maybe even creating those opportunities. I got to know a woman down the street who would walk right after supper time when people are outside working in the yard. This woman was so nice and friendly and she didn't just say hi, she proceeded to welcome us to the neighborhood and asked us questions to learn more about us. I also remember, not too long ago, when Christian women would get together in the morning for a Bible study, have lunch together, or go visiting. While some still do, more and more are working outside the home and the women still at home find themselves with a lot of time to fill alone. Loneliness can easily kick in so it's important for them to stay as busy physically and mentally, as they can, especially in service to others. The Welcome Committee Remember Welcome Wagon? A representative would come visit soon after moving in and would give little gifts and coupons. Even though this was an advertising ploy for local businesses, it was a nice feeling of welcome to the neighborhood. I didn't think Welcome Wagon existed anymore, but they are on the internet, complete with online coupons. Why would we get any comfort from a business visiting us that was by no means personal? It is because we feel alone in a new neighborhood and friendly contact with others are important to us; a Welcome Wagon gave a sense of feeling welcomed by a friendly representative who gave gifts, expecting nothing in return. Moving is often a traumatic event. No matter where you move, even if its only across town, you can't help feeling disconnected, disoriented and just plain adrift for a while. It is important for us to make others feel welcomed and help them in their transition. How to Make the Newcomer Feel Welcomed In the church: ALWAYS WELCOME VISITORS. Get rid of fears, the visitor is more important than your fears. At the very least, all you have to say is, "I'm (name), so glad to have you with us today." To add a little more would be better: "Are you from this area or traveling through?" And then go from there. It is sooooo lonely not to be welcomed and, more importantly, it may make all the difference as to whether or not the person comes back and if he/she is not a Christian your unfriendliness may have turn one away that might have a willing heart to hear the gospel. DO NOT BE PARTIAL IN YOUR FRIENDLINESS. "If there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, "You  sit here in a good place," and say to the poor man, "You stand there," or, "Sit here at my footstool," have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?" (James 2:2-4) BE HOSPITABLE. Invite newcomers for a meal, preferably with other Christians so they can get to know more families. Invite them out to eat or to some other function during the week. VISIT THE NEWCOMER AT THEIR HOME: Wait until they are settled in their new home (at least time for them to unpack) and be sure to ask them if a visit is OK and to let them know when you'll be there. The last thing they need is a surprise visit and embarrassment. HAVE EMPATHY. Remember when you have been uneasy in an unfamiliar place or when you've have times of loneliness. Put yourself in their shoes and give them what you know they need and want. DON'T MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR FRIENDS IN FRONT OF NEWCOMERS...when you aren't involving them. I've been there and it is such an awkward feeling, like you are in the way but you don't feel comfortable just walking away. INTRODUCE THEM TO OTHERS CHRISTIANS AND TO YOUR FRIENDS. INVITE THEM TO A HOME BIBLE STUDY. GIVE THEM A BULLETIN AND A DIRECTORY: This simple gesture is saying I accept you into our family here and recognize you are a part of us. The problem with fancy directories is that due to the cost we hesitiate to hand them out if we're not sure if the new family is here to stay or we have already run out of them. If we have more expensive directories then it would be a good idea to make a sheet of the names, addresses, and telephone numbers of the members to give to new Christian families that have moved into the area. When I visited my son's congregation last year one of the ladies handed me a directory (one sheet of paper) in case I needed anyone in regards to my children. It was nice of her to provide that. DON'T BE FRIENDLY ONE TIME AND THEN IGNORE: I moved into a new area one time and the members were very friendly and stayed friendly until we announced we'd be worshipping with them on a regular basis. Some were still friendly but others changed dramatically; it was as if they did their duty in recruiting us and now that they have us they can relax. LOVE: And that's the entire answer, love does not seeks its own but the good of others. Love overcomes all fears, even our own shyness. In the neighborhood. The following is selected off the internet: Give your new neighbors maps of local parks and hiking trails. Put these, along with plastic dishes, sparkling juice and some nice picnic foods inside a small picnic basket. Make an activity box for the children. Include things such as crayons, markers, coloring books, puzzles and juice boxes. These items will keep them busy while the parents unpack. Make a list with all of the neighbors' addresses and phone numbers (with their permission of course) and put it in a three-ring binder for the new folks on the block to use as a reference. You could also make a similar binder that lists important local phone numbers such as civic agencies, municipal, schools and healthcare facilities, for example. Put together a packet of takeout menus, local club information, library locations, community education booklet, garbage and recycling information, etc Bake a casserole that can easily be frozen or refrigerated for dinner that night or next week. Put it in a disposable aluminum tray so they don't have to worry about returning your dish. Or you could include a new dish as a housewarming gift. Let them know resources for neighborhood snow removal, leaf removal and local babysitter. Bring over a small welcoming gift. Giving a coffee cake, homemade cookies, or even some fresh fruit or vegetables from your garden is a thoughtful gesture, and a great way to break the ice. If you have an extra phone book for your area, offer it to the new neighbors along with bus or train schedules and a list of things like trash pick up or recycling days and which day the street sweeper comes by so they will know not to park on the street. If a block party, or other neighborhood/community event is coming up, invite your new neighbors and let them know when and where. If your new neighbors have children, you might want to bring your kids along and introduce them to the new kids, or let them know that there are other children in the area close to their ages. Inform them where the local playground is, when school registration begins, or share other pertinent information. Here's some more advice taken from the internet emphasizing not to come on too strongly: Give people their privacy A surprisingly easy way to help newcomers feel relaxed is to just greet them with a smile and a friendly hello at the outset. People who are moving in are often on edge, tired and very much involved in what they are doing. For those hours when they are actually moving in, their friends, relatives and all their "stuff" is on display for anyone pushy enough to just show up. So you can be a good neighbor from the outset by just letting people move in with dignity, respect and a whole lot of privacy. Drop off some food or a small toy if children are involved Once folks are settled in, sometimes the 24 hour rule is appropriate , you can make a point to stop by briefly with some small gift of food and perhaps a small toy if you have noticed that children are part of the picture. Two points to remember if you decide to welcome new neighbors in this way. First it may be best to plan on just going as far as the front step or doorway. People just moving in are likely to have clutter all over the place and there is no need to add to their stress level by eyeballing their house or apartment in total disarray. Secondly make sure that your food offering is something simple, possibly a portion of what you had made for your own home. For example a half batch of cookies can show you were thinking of the new neighbors. A three course meal can say I plan to be your new best friend whether you like it or not. The simpler your little welcoming gift the better. Invite to some event of mutual interest As time goes by and the newness wears off you may stop really giving any heed to the new neighbors at all. What started out as a kindly effort can get old fast . The thing is, the neighbors may still be very unsure of themselves and may welcome your occasional and not over the top efforts to help them as they transition to a new place. If you feel there is a enough of a comfort level established you may want to take the initiative to invite your new neighbor to an event of mutual interest. Just consider how difficult it would be for you to go to this event if you didn't know a soul who was going to be there. That should get you up and out the door to visit your neighbor and tender an invitation. Introduce to someone else in the neighborhood What is way to easy to forget when we are trying to help a new neighbor settle in is the fact that we are not the only people in the neighborhood. There may very well be someone down the street who happens to have children the same age as the new neighbor's kids. There could be someone at the corner who enjoys golf just like the new neighbor. Just because you might have been the first person to welcome the new person to the neighborhood that doesn't mean that you own them or vice versa. One of the ten best ways to welcome a new neighbor is to keep them and their interests cataloged in your mind so that you can take advantage of the opportunity to introduce them to someone else in the neighborhood who has common interests. As Christians, we are promised never to be left alone...    "...and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."       - Mt 28:20    "For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake       you.' So we may boldly say: 'The Lord is my helper; I will not       fear. What can man do to me?'" - He 13:5-6 The age of "hysteria" is over. It's time for us to move out of the dark ages into the 21st century. Psychology and neuropsychology are as legitimate to the Christian as biochemistry, microbiology, physiology, anatomy, pathology, and pharmacology. We must rid ourselves of the ignorance of the past and recognize the awesome creation of the brain and be thankful God has given man the ability to study the nature of brain diseases and disorders, and the structural and functional changes produced by them. Christians need not fear the science of psychology and neuropsychology. True science of the brain does not contradict the Bible. The brain and its function (which includes emotions) are a beautiful part of God's creation that is to admired by His people, and like the rest of the body, it is subject to disease and various disorders. IS IT A SIN FOR A CHRISTIAN TO TAKE ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND BE INVOLVED IN PSYCHOTHERAPY? The following article is written by a faithful Christian who is a doctoral candidate in the field of neuropsychology. He addresses the issue of Christians and depression, the use of antidepressants, and psychotherapy. Treatment of Depression: Biology and Behavior Beyond Bias As a doctoral student of Clinical Neuropsychology, I am often asked by Christians unassociated with the medical field to give my opinion concerning the frequency to which psychopharamacological drugs are prescribed by physicians. The question usually goes as follows: "Don't you think doctors these days are over-prescribing [antidepressants, anxiety meds, Ritalin, etc.] drugs for the treatment of [depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc.], and that the real problem is [SIN, self-pity, guilt due to a lack of focus on God, bad parenting skills, etc.]?" Most of the time it seems as if the individual asking for my "educated opinion," has already formulated their opinion and is not really interested in hearing a neurobiological-behavioral perspective. I must admit my frustration with individuals taking such a limited and naïve view of psychological illness/disturbance. Yes, it is true that sin can lead to guilt, which may lead to feelings of depression; however, the inverse of this linear function is not always valid. That is to say, clinical depression can not be automatically traced back to guilt resulting from sin. Most often, as hard as it may be for some to imagine, clinical depression is the result of disturbances in the normal working of the biological brain. The underlying neurological mechanisms that mediate depression and/or anxiety are as ingrained in the human brain as other basic functions like the regulation of body temperature. Emotions are a fundamental tool for human interaction within its environment. Sometimes, the environment (internal or external) may tax the biological system to the degree that it does not function normally. Reliable scientific studies have shown metabolic (i.e., cellular activity), chemical, and electrical differences in very specific brain regions among depressed individuals compared to non-depressed individuals. Research has also shown that brain function for depressed individuals can change and become more similar to non-depressed individuals after antidepressant and/or psychotherapy intervention. The brain regions involved in depression play an intimate role with normal cognitive and regulatory functions. Depression can disrupt processes that seem unrelated to feeling sad. Difficulties in attention, concentration, decision making, sleeping, eating, and sex are common, as well as social isolation and irritability. These difficulties arise because the brain areas involved in depression are either directly or indirectly linked to brain regions involved in other cognitive and regulatory processes. Many of these brain regions are also chemically linked. The same neurotransmitter(s) (chemicals that allow brain cells to communicate to other brain cells) that antidepressant medications target also mediate behaviors like those mentioned above. Therefore, antidepressants are prescribed not only for symptoms of sadness, but for symptoms unrelated to sadness. It is unfortunate that individuals who do not experience depression make comments to the effect that people suffering depression just "need to get over it." Others may even imply that the suffering individual may not have enough faith, or do not pray about it enough. Comments like these can be quite damaging and are the result of ignorance and misjudgment. The truth is that it is not easy for people to simply "get over it." Significant difficulties, e.g., decline in the level of attention and concentration, directly resulting from the depression make "getting over it" very difficult. Antidepressant medication helps ameliorate some of this mental fog, as it were. However, let me be clear that medication is not the final answer. In fact, medication may not work for some individuals. Experts agree that the best treatment for depression is a combination of antidepressant medication along side specific forms of psychotherapy. No, I'm not referring to the type of therapy involving a bearded man with a couch (although, it wouldn't be surprising if the psychologist had a beard). There are very specific and reliable forms of therapy developed through rigorous scientific trials. Therapies usually target the underlying cognitive features of depression, such as those mentioned above, and more importantly, the interaction of emotion and cognition. Therapists are also equipped with strategies for dealing with interpersonal and intrapersonal struggles that many find themselves in, such as those concomitant with bereavement. It is important for readers to know that it is not a sin for Christians to undergo psychotherapy. It may be intimidating, but no more intimidating than exposing oneself for a physical examination. However, comfort can be taken in that the therapistclient relationship always remains confidential. Although psychopharmacological and psychotherapeutic interventions are important for the treatment of depression, support and understanding rendered by loved ones is, perhaps, the most important element in treating depression or other psychological disturbances. It is essential that loved ones become educated about the symptoms of depression and the difficulties individuals with depression deal with. Likewise, it is essential that the individual with depression understand how this illness interacts with their interpersonal relationships, while keeping a realistic perspective. This is best accomplished through open and empathic communication, and never by false presumptions or condescending attitudes. A good therapist will attempt to educate the family and help develop clear roles, reestablish previous goals, or develop future goals for the family. If this is not available to you, smaller nonprofessional support groups may be found in your area, or through the internet (e.g., ”Our Hope” ); however, you must be aware that groups focusing only on telling stories about their difficulties are very damaging, and much research has corroborated this. Groups that have a willingness to support and help individuals with their strategies to overcome the disturbance are more likely to benefit individuals wishing to get better. Of course, you cannot end a discussion on treatment without acknowledging the greatest therapist. If you have initiated a true relationship with the Omnipotent One, you have no fear that He will misjudge you, or belittle your struggle. This is the same All-Knowing being that created the brain to work in all the ways mentioned previously. The Bible shows that He did not want people to have pain, yet this was one result of the initial, and perpetuated, transgressions of humanity. However, the pain a mother feels in labor is not due to her sin, and most often, the pain someone with depression feels is not due to sin. Use this eternal well of therapeutic intervention far more than any other mentioned above, and you will begin to master life with or with out depression. NOTE FROM PAT: I believe that any effective counseling or therapy has a firm foundation already established in the word of God, whether the therapist realizes it or not. Now let me explain so you do not jump to the conclusion that I believe there should never be outside therapy for mental illness other than read the Bible, because that isn't what I believe. I would not place an abused child in a room and just start quoting scriptures, nor would I do that to an adult. I wouldn't do that to a stroke victim, an Alzheimer patient, nor anyone dealing with any type of depression. What I am saying is that effective counseling will not contradict any of God's word and the tools that good therapist give will only enhance what the Word of God has already stated. The following are examples of therapy that has its basis in God's wisdom: Examining self (but it doesn't stop there!), keeping hope before you, thinking positive (howbeit being realistic), putting thoughts on others, unselfishness, recognizing and confessing sins, getting busy with work to distract the mind, and many other "tools" that we will talk about from scripture. It is my belief that the Bible is a useful therapeutic tool for any disease or disorder of the body, from cancer, heart disease, schizophrenia, arthritis, bipolar disorder, etc. to any emotional and stressful turmoil the individual has gone through. Reading the Bible may not directly cure disease, but it gives hope and strength that will aid in a cure or in alleviating some of the discomfort of the illness and encourage perseverance. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. Prov 13:12   IT'S NOT JUST PSYCHOLOGICAL Traumatic stress, such as that caused by childhood sexual abuse, can have far-reaching effects on the brain and its functions. Recent studies indicate that extreme stress can cause measurable physical changes in the hippocampus and medial prefrontal cortex, two areas of the brain involved in memory and emotional response. These changes can, in turn, lead not only to classic PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) symptoms, such as loss and distortion of memory of events surrounding the abuse, but also to ongoing problems with learning and remembering new information. These findings may help explain the controversial phenomenon of "recovered" or delayed memories. They also suggest that how we educate, rehabilitate and treat PTSD sufferers may need to be reconsidered. -J. Douglas Bremner, M.D. Departments of Diagnostic Radiology and Psychiatry, Yale University School of MedicineDepartments of Diagnostic Radiology and Psychiatry, Yale University School of Medicine "Popular attitudes toward the mentally ill are deep-seated and can be seen in the stigmatizing language that is often used to describe people who are mentally ill—"nuts" and "psycho" for instance. Some people still refer to psychiatric hospitals as "nuthouses" or "loony bins." Can you imagine referring to a facility for treating cancer patients in such an insensitive manner? Words like these hurt, and they reinforce the stigma that already surrounds the mentally ill. The truth of the matter is, these are people living with an illness that can be extremely painful. -selected Why is it Christians who believe psychology is wrong recommend Christian therapists to couples with marital problems? I've seen it happen many times: Christians who can't say one good thing about psychology recommend troubled couples to go to a Christian therapist they know or have heard of. If they don't believe in psychology why tell them to see a Christian who is a therapist? Can't an elder or faithful brother or sister help them with their problems? I, myself, believe they can, but my point is to show the inconsistency I've witnessed in those who don't hesitate to condemn all psychology, yet recommend a Christian therapist. What does a Christian therapist offer that a Christian non-therapist can't? Psychology. Now, I do believe if the therapist is a faithful Christian and is mature in knowledge and wisdom he may be able to help in some ways the rest of us can't. How? He has studied human thinking and recognizes similar patterns that couples go through when they have material stress. He has skills to know how to get the couple to see the problems in themselves and may be able to suggest trigger points to watch out for and avoid in order to bypass future negative situations that may arise. Would I recommend a troubled couple to see a therapist who doesn't believe in Christ's teachings? No way. In the case of marital problems, unless there is an organic disease involved where they need professional help in dealing with the disease, the Bible is all we need to heal a broken marriage. However, if there is a faithful, wise Christian who has been trained to help couples communicate then by all means, he would be helpful. If you are a Christian who says psychology is wrong, yet you would recommend a Christian (a true N.T. Christian) therapist, ask yourself why. Could it be that men's study of the brain and behavior isn't all together wrong? Could it be they have discovered some truths that may be helpful? Don't we all use psychology at times when we don't recognize it as such? Don't we notice patterns of behavior in others that may concern us? We recognize something is wrong because their speech or action is typical of a person who is having problems. There are characteristics that are common to all; we know this and recognize it in individuals because of long-standing observation. Psychologists have observed common behavior in people with particular problems and have learned to recognize signs and symptoms of disorders, whether physical or emotional. If, what they have discovered, does not contradict the word of God, why not accept their findings? This is exactly why you recommend the Christian therapist; you trust they will not contradict God's word as they use their skill in human behavior. Do you believe all psychology is sin? Not if you have recommended a Christian therapist for a troubled marriage. Let's be rational and consistent in our thinking. --Pat Gates The Other Half - Spouses of Bipolar Sufferers by Natasha Wiebe Spouses of bipolar sufferers often are the caretakers and care givers of the relationship. They are expected to hold everything together when emotional hurricanes hit their families. They hang on in spite of everything that is flying around them just waiting for the calm. Many people close to them expect them to be strong and almost heroically brave, when sadly, they, too, have weaknesses and fears. So many people in their community are focused on the well-being of the bipolar person that they forget about the spouse. It can be very difficult to be the other half of a partnership in which someone is chronically ill. The spouse feels like all he/she ever does is put up and put out and that they never get anything back in return. It can be emotionally and physically draining when your spouse is continually the one that is the focus of your combined attention. The spouse often forgets to acknowledge his/her own needs and wants because their attention is so completely funneled to their partner. They may long for someone they can confide in, someone to listen to their concerns. Sometimes, the spouse can become resentful of the bipolar sufferer, and then, unfortunately, the relationship hits the rocks. Not all relationships involving bipolar sufferers and their spouses are doomed to fail. In fact, I can think of at least three at this moment that are flourishing. The relationships involving bipolar sufferers and their spouses survive because the two people involved are fully aware of the illness they share. That is right, share. They see their situation as a team effort. They make every effort to learn about and understand this disease together. They have established limitations and boundaries that must be respected in order for the relationship to exist and prosper. Honesty and a willingness to be open about the issues involved with manic depression is vital. And, most of all, they focus on the fact that they love each other enough to commit to the relationship in the first place. Why should that change now? Keep that love in the forefront of your mind. As the spouse of a bipolar sufferer, you may be called upon to do things you never thought you would ever have to do. You feel the ups and downs almost as painfully as they do. You are the one expected to be strong, take care of matters at hand, and then desperately try to steer your household back from the brink. You are someone to be admired, you deserve admiration. My husband is my hero. Not just because he does heroic deeds once in a while, but because he also shows me his tears. We cry together sometimes. He shares his fears with me and tells me his weaknesses. It always amazes me that after all we may go through, he can still muster a smile and hold me tight in his big, manly arms. It feels good. It also feels good to know that we are one in this big old mess of mental illness, not two alone in this freaky universe. Some Coping Techniques for Spouses of Bipolar Sufferers You may dearly miss the person you fell in love with; keep in mind that with proper treatments and your support that person will come back to you. Find your own therapist; you may need a professional to help guide you through the hard times. Look for a support group for partners of bipolar sufferers.  If there isn't one in your area consider starting one up. Go with your spouse to a few of his/her therapy sessions and talk to their therapist.  Ask questions, listen to the therapist's conclusions or views on your spouse's care; try to be interactive in their care rather than inactive.  Don't be overwhelming though. Find time for yourself with such things as hobbies, walks, jogging, sports and writing.  Sometimes it helps to vent a bit of frustrated energy; you can go for a vigorous walk and clear your head. When your partner is in a healthy mental state talk to them about your needs and hurts.  Don't be confrontational; don't blame, just gently tell them how you feel about things from your prospective. Remind yourself continually throughout the day that there will be better times ahead.  Make it a mantra. Allow yourself to reminisce about the good old times when you were both happy and give yourself hope that the good times will come again.  Look through photographs of better days, read old love letters and watch family videos.  Spend time with the kids talking about funny family stories. Research and find reading material about mental illness.  Get to know what you and your spouse are battling against. View your spouse's illness as something you both have to fight as a team. Help monitor your spouse's medication so that you can be aware they are taking the prescribed medications or not.  You don't have to be a nazi about it; just let them know you are keeping track. If you have family spend time with them. If your spouse is hospitalized ask family and friends to help out with the children, housework, cooking and even with visitation.  (Sometimes, for what ever reason, you just cannot get to the hospital.)  Ask for help; this is very important. Treat yourself ever so often.  Allow yourself to sleep in one day a week or take a long hot bath. Have a good cry once in a while; you don't always have to be the strong one. When your spouse is enjoying good mental health spend pleasurable time together.  Go on a date, spend time with the children, go for walks, etc. Try not to take unpleasantness personally.  It is not your fault that your spouse is depressed or suicidal for that matter.  They may be emotional powder kegs ready to blow at any moment; irritable beyond belief; even spiteful.  You must remember that most of the time it is the illness talking, not them.  I know, this is easy to forget. Learn to relax when you don't have to be on guard.  If stress is physically manifesting itself as backaches, sore and stiff muscles, or general aches and pains, consider going to a massage therapist. Let the people around you know when you are going through an especially trying time.  If possible, take some time off work. Don't argue with your spouse when they are in a deep depression or manic.  It is of no use.  They will not be able to see your point of view and it will just cause more tension for everyone. If your spouse is hospitalized, talk to their nurses about their progress.  It is a great way for you to get daily updates on your spouse's condition. If it is hard for you to visit a hospital, ask if you can have an off ward pass for a few hours.  Take your spouse to a nearby park or restaurant and visit with them there. Don't have high expectations of someone in poor mental health.  You are setting yourself up for disappointment. Do not turn to drugs or alcohol to take away your pain and frustrations.  You need to be strong for you and your spouse's welfare. Laughter is always good medicine.  Rent a few comedies one evening and invite a few good friends to come down and watch them with you. Laugh. If you have become so resentful and angry at your spouse that you have begun to experience marital problems, consider visiting a marriage counselor when the spouse is mentally stable. Don't blame everything on your spouse; it is not their fault that they are ill. Don't blame everything on yourself; that is not fair. Try to focus on what is best for both of you. Don't get muddled up with all that is wrong with your spouse, instead look for the person trapped deep inside; the one you dearly love. Sit down and take stock of your life; what is important and what is not. There are a lot of motivational self-help books out there; go find a few and read them. used with permission http://www.mymentaltrampoline.com/ Living with a Family Member who Suffers from Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression) by Joanne Beckley  Up, up, up Hey!  Look at me! I want your attention!  Don't you understand?  Can't you see what a wonderful world this is? I think it is wonderful!  I think you are wonderful!  I think God is wonderful!  And I feel wonderful!  Everything is wonderful! Why aren't you as excited as I am?  Isn't your world wonderful?  Can't you see?  I pity you.  Let me help you out.  Let me share my joy with you!  Down, down, down The darkness is closer.  My body is weary, so heavy each task.  I find myself sleeping (oh, blessed sleeping)  And working furiously to keep thoughts controlled. I try to keep thinking of things that are worthy  (The true, the honorable, the pure and the lovely), But I fight constant thoughts of how I am wicked. And I find myself backing away from all others For every look, every word confirms what I know:   My shame and my worthlessness bow down my soul.  I grew up in a seemingly normal home environment with a mother and father, two sisters and a brother. We were poor but we didn’t know it because we had food on the table, a roof over our heads and love in our hearts for each other. What I didn’t know – nor at the time did anyone else in my family – was that my sweet mother suffered from bipolar disorder. Her diagnosis wasn’t made until I was already married and had my own babies.   My parents strove mightily to keep an emotional balance in our home but this terrible disorder took its toll on all of us. Even after Mother was finally diagnosed with an inherited mental disorder, my father never could come to grips with the true nature of the two cycles, manic (a person exhibiting extreme excitement, delusions and over-activity) and depression (severe despondency and dejection). Mother never knew when she was acting “normal” or when she was going to flip from one extreme to the other. She suffered terribly, thinking she was indeed an unforgiven sinner, not understanding why she didn’t seem able to control her emotions and thoughts. Even after her death a few years back, every one of her children had to work through left-over pain caused by this disorder, times when Mother had been unable to control herself. Truly, to be able to forgive is a beautiful gift from God.  Yes, we kids were protected. I thought we lived in a normal happy home. In fact, because my father became a pro at making our breakfasts (Mother’s nights were often sleepless), I was amazed to discover when I got married that husbands do not normally fix breakfast! Yes, we knew Mother was often unhappy, sometimes desperately so, but we never truly understood the necessity of the song and dance our parents had to contrive in order to protect us. Mother would often “disappear” into her room whenever she felt herself going out of control – or when depressed and felt the need to hide. My father also did his own “hiding” at times, lost in how to help her. Those two carried so much pain in their hearts for and toward one another, yet their love for each other did indeed find a way to carry their burden. We just never knew the extent of their grief.  I continue to retain many beautiful moments from childhood. My sisters and I still maintain a very close relationship with each other and our father, but my mother is now at peace, no longer troubled with this terrible disorder. Sadly, because this disorder can be inherited (as Mother did from her father), one of my sisters began developing the same symptoms in her teenage years. She began suffering early, so the disorder was and is much more severe. Thankfully, her husband is another wonderful man who not only remained with his mate (not many do), but learned with her how to live with bipolar depression. They also learned to educate other Christians so as to increase their support systems. Bipolar depression was and never will be mastered (as in straightening a broken leg), but love grows and their hearts are knit tightly together. They have reared two beautiful sons who continue to work for the Lord in His kingdom along with their father. They are not looking backward, but forward with His help.  I have described all this to help you respond positively to anyone who suffers from bipolar depression or any other kind of clinical mental imbalance. Perhaps I could suggest to you some ways that my family found to be helpful, not only in parenting, but also to Christians who want to help those who suffer.  To the family:       Today, bipolar disorder can be identified and there are many medicines that are now available for the sufferer. It is important to seek a physician who understands this disorder and appreciates the dynamics of juggling the necessary medications. He also needs to understand the complex family problems that are created by this disorder. The healthy spouse should keep in mind that the family member that has the disorder will have great difficulty reasoning adequately if the doctor offers unscriptural advice. Note also that children will not necessarily have the same symptoms as exhibited by an adult.       Spouses, talk to each other. Trust one another’s perceptions until proved incorrect (Luke 6:31), for it is difficult for a person to admit to such delusional terrifying feelings. Gradually help the sufferer to understand fact from fantasy.  The key is to listen! Be compassionate. Physically hold them close while they endure their terror.       Learn to identify indications of moods and mood swings. Praise each other. Love each another. This love requires that you will have to reassure your suffering mate over and over and over and over that you love her/him.       Talk to your children about how bipolar depression affects the mind and why mommy acts like she does. Try never to criticize or to tear down either spouse’s efforts to control self or to make parental decisions. You are to be seen as one, united, working together for the common good of the family (Eph.5:31). Train your children to give of themselves in the family (Luke 6:38). Everyone needs to do their part to develop and maintain a godly home. This is never more true than when a parent suffers from this disorder. Children too must learn and practice loving patience and more loving patience. Mom can help by describing how she feels and what she needs. Dad can demonstrate his willingness to give what should be given and stand firm whenever necessary for the good of the family (or the other way around, if the father is the one suffering). Children learn by the example of their parents’ active love. Parents, make it your mutual goal to provide a home that is as stable and nurturing as possible (Eph.6:4). Do not burden a younger child with what he is not capable of carrying. Your children are not your support. They need YOU to provide support and stability for them.       Accept that your family will not be “normal” as the world expects. It cannot be. Don’t make the disorder the monster that has invaded your beautiful dream home. It is YOU who will determine whether your children benefit and remember a good and happy home.       Educate the grandparents, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles. Allow them to be a part of your family. Help them to understand why your wife/husband cannot visit with them at certain times. Be willing to protect the needs of your suffering spouse or child.       A congregation of God’s people needs to know what is going on in your family. Be realistic. People do not automatically understand why a wife/husband/child simply cannot cope with being around other people. Provide information to those who are concerned and would be willing to help others who do not understand. (One of the things a congregation did for my sister that proved very helpful was to provide a classroom for her, complete with a speaker, when she wanted to be present and worship God, but unable to face others.) Your brothers and sisters in Christ are not the enemy! Nor is bipolar depression something to be ashamed of. Do not close the door to possible help. Keep love in your heart toward others when they inadvertently say hurtful things because they misunderstand the true picture. Love indeed can cover a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8).  To every Christian:        For the rest of us who want to help, we must assume we know less about the mental disorder than the sufferer or his/her family does. In fact, we must TRUST what we are being told to be truth, otherwise we will never be able to be a sister or brother for them.       We need to learn all we can concerning bipolar depression. Use the internet! Accept that this disorder is indeed a real disorder of the brain. We must help those who suffer by accepting this fact. Be aware that many Christians (perhaps even in your congregation) who have been diagnosed with this disorder will hide from you because mental illness still carries the stigma of disgrace and shame. Sufferers fear your disapproval.       People who suffer from mental disorders fully appreciate the need everyone has to be loved, to be offered joy and laughter. In turn, they offer the same to you unstintingly. Love them with humility in your heart. Their burden is so great. Explore ways to relieve some of their stress. Make time for their children. Seek ways to support the framework of their family. Pray for them. Love them.  My family beat the odds and remained intact. We not only survive but rejoice in the lessons we have learned. God and His reassuring Word helped ALL of us to have hope – now, and one day in that better land. Our faith grew stronger and we helped each other. If you are one who suffers from manic depression (bipolar disorder), you are not alone. There are Christians just like you and striving to conquer through Jesus Christ   Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. 1 Cor.15:58 THE STRUGGLE BETWEEN SUBMISSION AND RESPONSIBILITIES WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS BIPOLAR A NOTE FROM THE MAIL: My husband and I are both devoted Christians and were both raised by Christian parents.  I am also his primary caregiver as we struggle with his often unstable bi-polar condition.  He has been rapid cycling (at LEAST a few times a week) for a few years.  I struggle daily with the balance between caregiver and wifely submission.  There is the dream for those "ideal" Christian roles that sometimes seem so far out of reach.   When he is unstable and it is necessary for me to manage everything, he sometimes angerly dismisses me as never submitting.  I try to encourage him that I am acting as the helpmeet God wants me to be for him.  I try to approach this caregiving and role-balancing struggle in the manner of being a helpmeet, but know I often fail.  We have young children and I am also constantly concerned for the impressions made on them.  It is unsettling for them when daddy is acting "strangely". They look to me for stability when daddy is not.  Unfortunately the rapid cycling creates an atmosphere of uncertainty that leaves the head of the home feeling undermined.  My dear sister, I am so glad you wrote. I admire you for your desire to please your husband and to please God. I appreciate your concerns about your children, as well as not wanting your husband undermined. I'm glad we are your "support group" -- makes me feel good you said that because that's exactly what I want this site to be. I wish you had another Christian woman to talk to who has the same experience and can help and encourage you. Hopefully some one will read this and be willing to respond to your letter. Since your letter was anonymous and because it was going to be published I went ahead and shared it with a friend who has family members who are bipolar. Her husband is not, but she does understand this illness and she understands the role of a Christian wife and submission. This is what she wrote: Roles of necessity are reversed much as when a husband who develops Alzheimer's disease. Neither man is willing to give up control, for leadership is what identifies him. On the other hand a wife must continue her responsibility of nurturing in all areas of need in her family, including finding ways to support his attempts to lead. (Ephesians 5:22-24; Col. 3:18) But, when leadership suffers, threatening the ability to put food on the table and a roof over the family's head, her responsibility contains an added dimension. The crux of the matter is her attitude, even when angered and feeling helpless of the ongoing situation. (1 Peter 3:1-4) Balancing joyful submission with tough love is difficult at best. But it can be done. I do know that because her husband is a rapid cycler, like one of my family members.  It causes a real rollercoaster of the whole fabric of the family. Even during manic times, the leadership is not ideal and non-existent during depression. SOMEONE has to support the family. (1 Tim. 5:8,14 -- I was asked to add scripture and I chose this one to show that we need to take care of our family if it is within our power to do so, not to imply anyone is worse than an unbeliever, if they have an illness that prevents them doing so. pg) SOMEONE has to create stability in order for the children to grow up to be useful citizens and servants of God. (1 Tim. 5:10; Eph. 6:1-4) SOMEONE has to oversee dispensing the medications. SOMEONE has to love her husband, whether he recognizes her love or not. (1 Tim. 2:4-5) Tough love. Until he can admit to his limitations and she to control her own emotional reactions, they will suffer terribly. Truly, the healthy mate who remains is an amazing wife or husband. A Christian who remains and maintains a good and healthy attitude is to be highly praised. You might ask one of your contributors to write an article about dealing with a husband with early stages of Alzheimer's, how they developed ways to work with their suffering husbands. I've seen her pain in other women, and I hear her cry for even just an understanding ear. As she faces one day, even one hour at a time that seems so overwhelmingly insupportable, it makes the rest of us feel unworthy and unable to help in an adequate way. I'm glad she has found your site. Truly, any wife submitting in any less than ideal circumstances is difficult, but bipolar depression is one of the worst illnesses to face and work with. The one ill faces fears unimaginable. The other married to him/her simply cannot know that fear, yet the fabric of life continues, ever striving for the hope God has given us of a better land and time. I agree with the response above and the sister who wrote it is well aware of the difficulty to follow through with this. Taking care of responsibilities is as God-given as being in submission and I believe as difficult as it is, it is proper to do both, if your attitude of submission remains intact. I know God understands you -- you can be assured He knows your heart. I always take comfort in knowing He knows the real me when others may not understand. As your children grow you can continue to teach them about the illness and why Daddy reacts in the way he does. Like the sister said, above, they do need your stability, and when they are old enough to understand, you can explain to them about submission and responsibility and the part illness plays in that. They will see your desire to please your husband and especially to please God. The sister who responded mentioned the same problem may occur in a family where the husband has Alzheimer's. Actually there are a number of illnesses that may cause personality and cognitive disorders where the wife must take on the responsibility of making decisions and paying bills because her husband may not to competent to do so. Or he may be weak and fatigued and procrastinate (this is my problem). I'm not comparing these illnesses to bipolar disease as they are a great many factors you and your family have to deal with that these families may not, however, role reversal is common in families who live with illness. As an example of this, in the first three years of my illness, my husband worked full time, he had to do most of the child-rearing, often had to cook dinner or bring dinner in. He had to take care of the housework as well as the yard work and all the other responsibilities he had. I was unable to get out of bed except for short periods of time. No one would argue that he was doing wrong in taking care of the wife's responsibility. In fact, he was and should be praised for it. Times when illness interferes with the wife taking care of her responsibilities, we all recognize that the husband has to pitch in and it is not the wife's fault, nor the husband's. If the wife was bipolar, the same thing holds true. We women are told to take care of our home, but if a bipolar wife can not, does her husband sin if he takes over for her? No, we all know that. Now, if his attitude is hateful and he complains constantly and punishes her for what he has to do, that would be a sin. But doing the woman's work is not. I'm not trying to over-simplify your problem, I'm just looking at your situation from a different angle. If it is not wrong for a husband to take over his wife's duties when she's ill, then the same must hold true if the husband is ill: it is not a sin for the wife to take over his duties. As was mentioned, it all comes down to attitude. If you set yourself up as head of the family and undermine your husband intentionally, then there's a problem. I don't see that in your letter, however, and I appreciate your humbleness and your sincere love and respect for your husband. With prayers and gratitude for you, Pat Why aren't we studying the Bible with our sisters who are suffering? Pat Gates Note from a sister who is bipolar: "How come no one wants to spend time reading the Bible and talking about it, but rather, wants to know more about "me". Gossip is always a temptation, reading the Bible and praying together is the best thing in the world to encourage and comfort me or anyone else." Good question! We can apply that same question to all the other trials we go through as well. Why is it, as children of God, as sisters in Christ we aren't offering to read the Bible and pray with another sister who is undergoing difficulties. Let's look at some reasons why we don't offer to read the Bible and pray with another sister who is suffering from physical and/or mental illness and let's discuss what we can do to change that. It doesn't come into our mind to offer. Let's work on getting into the habit of using God's word throughout the week and truly learning to use it for our guide and comfort. I need to work on this as well. We don't feel capable. This excuse should never be, because all we need to do is open the Bible with our friend and just read. The capability is in the Word. If you still are unsure, ask another woman to help. And, the one who is suffering is capable as well, unless she is a new Christian and unfamiliar with the Bible. We are embarrassed to do so. If this is the case, we really need to work on this one. What are we embarrassed about? If we are afraid of "bothering" the other person, we need to get that thought right out of our head and if we feel she will wonder about our intention (which is legitimate under the circumstances), tell her the intention, to encourage and strengthen through her trials. We come to our own conclusion the suffering one doesn't want it. But what if she does? Look what you both miss out on by not asking. And if she doesn't, you've done the good, caring thing to offer and she'll know it. We aren't interested ourselves in doing this. If this is the case, all I can say is that's a shame. However, if we are incapable due to legitimate reasons, then find a woman who can do it It is true, we're more interested in what's it's like to have bipolar disorder than helping the person through it. There are unlimited sources on the internet to find out all you need to know, except for the fact if the suffering one is a Christian, you may not understand the extra burden that comes with that in the sense of having to miss services and get togethers and to have insensitive things said from brothers and sisters in Christ. We're afraid she'll know the real reason we are asking: we don't believe in bipolar disorder because God has given us "all things tha pertain to life and godliness" and if we tried hard enough we wouldn't suffer these things. If this is what we are thinking then we first need to hit the internet and learn about living with bipolar, soften our heart and study the Bible with the sufferer not because she needs to repent, but because she needs strength to go through the down times of this disorder. It's not true with some of us. We are interested in understanding more about bipolar disorder so we know how to help and, we would love to study the Bible with the sufferer because we care. Because a woman doesn't ask to study, doesn't mean she doesn't want to and often it boils down to fear of asking or thinking the sufferer doesn't want it and, as mentioned above, we need to overcome this.

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