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My Search for Self Pat Gates
I
found myself at 39 years old. I had been a Christian since I was 12 and, while not sinless, I was faithful
in morality, in study of God's word, and in attending worship service. As I grew, I learned to serve the church
in teaching children's classes, in having get-togethers, in visiting at times and in providing my home for visiting preachers.
I was a good mother, decent wife, and got together with Christians on a regular basis. So what was the problem? Had I not
found myself in Christ? I always felt lost. Not lost in the
sense of being away from God, but I always felt like I didn't have any identity. I felt less of a woman. I compared
myself to other women and always felt lacking. I did trust my Bible knowledge and my service to the church and I felt
confident in that (I'll say more about this illusion in a minute), but I was always wishing I had a better personality,
a better house, better clothes, etc. etc. I felt awkward, shy and intimidated by women who I thought had it all together,
and I continually cut myself down. My problem with self-identity lay in the fact
I always looked too much at what I lacked (whether it was reality or an irrational mind) and I was constantly comparing
myself to other women. I didn't like women, overall. I felt too intimidated. And the dislike of women only added to my
guilt and self-abasement. In reality it was my dislike for myself that blinded me from appreciating the talents and goodness
other women possessed. What changed? How did I come to find myself? When I was 37
years old I became (mostly) bed-bound and had a great deal of time to think. A lot of meditation and prayers went
on during that time as well as an abundance of rational self-examination. I saw my trust
in my outward service to the church, and found myself lacking in my service to Christ. I trusted
in my works and lacked true faith, hope, and love. When I could no longer trust my body as the weakness left me bed-bound
for two years, I was forced to continually go to God and my dependence on Him grew. I also came to know sisters in Christ
who had chronic medical problems and, by their example, they taught me to know and understand love in Christ. I no longer had hope for the things in this world as they were of no use to me at that time, therefore
my hope was in God (thus the idea of the title of this publication). I began to realize I didn't like women and people
in general because I didn't know love, as I was too busy looking at what I thought I lacked in comparison to others. These
destructive thoughts no longer bothered me as I saw, in comparison to having almost no body function, these physical things
were meaningless. I no longer felt intimidated by the possessions, the looks, the personality, or the talents of other women;
all these things seemed so trivial at the time. My life was over (at the time I had thought so as each month I was ratcheting
further and further down physically) and all I could think of was how I had wasted my time of health in concern about so many
things that just didn't matter. After 2 years I met Christian women via letters
and emails and their genuine care for me by their example of love taught me how to love. I found myself loving these women.
I found myself loving all women and appreciating their talents and personalities. I found myself loving God more and more.
I had developed a relationship with my Father and my Savior that I had never had in the past. Because my body could hardly
function, my spirit began to soar! I found Truth. I found humbleness. I found love.
I found forgiveness. I found strength. I found self. My self was not in all the material things I looked for; I was not found
in possessions, talents, nor personality. I wasn't found in the works of service I had done as there was so much
self-deluded pride in these works. I was found in Christ and in His love. Love taught me what was important for it is not
self-seeking, but rather it looks to God for purpose, for life, and for hope. And love manifest itself in serving others because
there is a need, not for the reason of self-glorification or obligation. I apologize
if the above paragraphs sound like I am bragging on my spirituality, as I'm not meaning to sound that way. Those
years were very painful spiritually - it was extremely difficult to see my true self, but it was profitable in that it
emptied me to allow me to look for identity in Christ, instead of trying to find it in myself. As more function returned to
my body, old temptations and some insecurities raised their ugly head once again, but while I continually struggle with the
mental and physical temptations this world presents, I no longer feel lost. My identity is in Christ. When I battle old habits
of irrational thinking and learned behaviors, I have Christ to bring my thoughts back to and I find reality and self-control.
I know who I am.
Our thinking may get lost in this world, not in the sense
of thinking immoral thoughts, but in the sense of discontentment, fear, and self-deprecation. Living in
Christ helps us to find ourselves, to know who we are, why we are here, and to see ourselves as God sees us. When
we are found in Christ, all the fleshly ideas we get caught up in begin to vanish because we finally understand we do
not find ourselves in these things. The truth about self-identity does not lie within us, but rather in our relationship
with God in Christ.
, 4-Part Series:
Discussion of "Finding Self" from physical perspective - The Vanity of "Finding Self" in pleasing the flesh (book of Ecclesiates)
- Finding Self in Christ
- Nothing Can
Take Our Identity Away
"Finding Self" from physical perspective
When we speak of "finding self" those of us
who are baby boomers will immediately think of the '60s with young people leaving home to live a life of unrestrained hedonism
or of women influenced by the woman's liberation movement to leave husband and children in search of independence. As Christians
we know these examples were only an excuse for selfish indulgence and we winch at the term "finding self" as
just another invention of man's futile mind. For now, let's get this self-seeking
way of life out of our thinking and focus in on a group of people who have learned a dysfunctional way of behavior that may
have originated in childhood or young adulthood, and for whatever reason, has prohibited them from a rational self-awareness.
As Christians we tend to immediately get impatient with these "quirks" and in exasperation shout out, "Just
get over it! You're a child of God. Quit thinking so much and just live a righteous life." While it is possible for this
group of people to get there and finding self, in Christ, is a necessity, the self-awareness journey may not
be so easy and may take some work. There have been years of habitual learned behavior to overcome, even to the degree
that knowing how to overcome may not be apparent as the individual was never taught by word or action to honestly look at
themselves as an individual with acceptable emotions, ideas, and identity.
It is my belief that raising a child without allowing self-expression
of ideas, thoughts, and emotions, in a proper manner of course, can be inhibitory to a proper awareness of self that may not
only contribute to difficulties in personal relationships, but even to the degree of a personal relationship to God. It is
also my belief that as adults all can learn to be more aware of self in the sense of personal thoughts,
feelings, and faith, and gain confidence in such. This
article is NOT for anyone with organic mental illness due to disease or brain damage who may have inability in the understanding
or expression of self.
We do not need to go on a hilltop
and meditate to find ourselves. We do not find ourselves
through any other person. We do not find ourselves by comparing
ourselves to other women's talents, possessions, personality, and circumstance in life and find ourselves "lacking,"
and making it a goal to have what they have. If we don't, we are nothing. We do not find ourselves in the work we do whether it be jobs or doing for others. We do not find ourselves by seeking destractions from ourselves. We do not find ourselves by ignoring our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. We do not find ourselves by purposely placing ourselves in the position of always
having to give of self and feel if we aren't actively involved in someone else's life, we are no one. We do not find ourselves by continually tearing ourselves down as we shake our heads
and say, "I don't know who I am."
Before we move on, let's stop and ask ourselves,
"Who am I?" Don't read anymore until you answer that. I'll wait................................................. Did you answer it? If not, please do it now.
One of Three Things Just Happened
1) You didn't bother answering the question for whatever
reason. 2) You answered the question without any hesitation, thoughts flowed freely,
and you are satisfied. 3) You may have began with stuff like: "Wife, mother,
Christian, daughter...." and then you felt uneasy because your list stopped there and you felt like there should be more.
You feel there should be a distinguishing marker that sets you apart from everyone else and makes you, you. You don't
know what that is and you feel troubled. You feel less of a woman, less of an individual, a person with no identity and no
self-awareness.
"Who am I?" What Does Not
Define us.
- We make a mistake and believe our circumstance in
life is who we are: rich or poor, healthy or ill, mother or childless, young or old, beautiful or average looks, etc. etc.
- We make a mistake and believe our talents are who we are: We can sew, we can't. We are a great cook,
we're not. We can teach, we don't know how. We can do crafts, we've never tried. Etc. etc.
- We make a mistake and believe our personality is who we are: We are outgoing, we are quiet. We have
a great sense of humor, we like jokes but can't come up with any. We are intelligent, we are average in intelligence.
We are sociable, we are shy.
None of these categories make us who we are.
They do contribute to how we interact in this world. Our circumstance in life may make life more enjoyable or more painful.
Our talents may help us keep busy but talents can be learned so they don't really identify us. Our outward personality
is often mistaken for who we are but whether or not someone is described as "funny," "quiet," or "smart"
isn't really something we must search for in order to find ourselves. We may not be satisfied with being shy but that
is something we can work on. The point is, for right now, you may be shy and later, you may be sociable. Does that mean you
didn't have identity when you were shy? Was "finding yourself" a matter of turning sociable? No, that isn't
the answer to finding self. The problem in our thinking is that we interpret "finding
ourselves" with finding what makes us happy. Remember Solomon? He searched and searched for what would make him happy.
He had all the wealth and opportunities to do anything he wanted, possess anything he desired, and be anything he wanted
to be. None of these things satisfied him. He did not "find himself" in entertainment, possessions, personality,
or circumstance.
Learned Behavior You Must Let
Go Of, in Order to Find Self
- You must quit comparing yourselves with others.
You will not find yourself in what other women possess.
- You must quit constantly
cutting yourself down, whether it's vocally or in your own private thoughts. You are lying to yourself. No one is as bad
as you are making yourself out to be except for the wicked. If you are wicked, prove you are sinning by God's word, repent
and change. Otherwise, think rational about yourself.
- You must learn to examine
your negative thoughts. Some children were taught not to look at their negative emotions and thoughts and were told to
"think positive" as life should be fun fun fun. Some parents may discipline their child and teach them that
all negative thoughts and feelings are wrong. Other chidlren may have been ignored when they were sad,
angry, confused, etc. and therefore they learned to keep these feelings inside. If you were one of these children and always
pushed away negative feelings without examining them, this will get in the way of finding yourself.
- Some children were not taught to think for themselves. Their upbringing was shallow as they were taught do this,
do that, without any explanation. Punishment may have been strict or there may have been a lack of punishment as well as a
lack of discipline in teaching why something is wrong or why it is right. Others may have had proper discipline, but conversations
were shallow, without effort made into teaching children to express their thoughts. This may be due to busy parents or parents
who never learned to express their own ideas, thoughts and feelings, therefore did not teach their children to.
- You must quit searching this world and worldly things to find yourself. You won't find yourself
in anything of a material nature.
- You must not think you are not worth finding.
- You must not believe you can't find yourself. Every human being on this earth
has identity.
We are spiritual in a physical world
The problem in our thinking is that we mistakenly
interpret "finding ourselves" with finding what we desire to be, in a physical sense, whether it be personality,
property, or unique talents. Remember Solomon? He searched and searched for what would make him happy. He had all the wealth
and opportunities to do anything he wanted, possess anything he desired, and be anything he wanted to be. None of these
things satisfied him. He did not "find himself" in entertainment, possessions, personality, or circumstance. Searching for happiness in physical things will not make us know ourselves
any better because God didn't create us to be found in the physical, but rather the spiritual. It is our spirit that lives
for eternity. Our spiritual man is who we are and if we are searching to find ourselves, we need not go out into the world
to seek for self, for we are who we are in the spirit.
The Lost There are people who never find themselves as they are lost
in this world, seeking for satisfaction in physical things. Christians can become lost when they feel discontentment and search
for happiness in material things. Some Christians may have learned behavior carried over from younger years which may get
in the way, at times, of living in their spirit when they allow the flesh to rule. We'll discuss some of these behaviors
in the next issue and what to do with them. The Found The simple answer is, we are found in Christ. "For in Him, we live, and move
and have our being." You say, "Well, I know that, and I am a Christian but I still don't know myself."
We are not found in just wearing the label "Christian," but in thinking godly.
Aside from organic mental illness, our thinking gets so lost in this world, not in the sense of thinking immoral
thoughts, but in the sense of discontent, fear, and self-deprecation. We will discuss how living in Christ helps
us to find ourselves, to know who we are, why we are here, and to see ourselves as God sees us. When we are found in Christ,
all the fleshly ideas we get caught up in begin to vanish because we finally understand we do not find ourselves in these
things.
Know thyself!
A maxim as pernicious as it is ugly. Whoever observes himself arrests his own development. A caterpillar who wanted
to know itself well would never become a butterfly. ~Andre Gide
For
our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our
lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all
things to Himself. Phil. 3:20-21 ...and yet we
keep searching for ourselves in this body and in this world.
. Finding Self The vanity of finding self in pleasing the flesh (Ecclesiastes) Pat Gates
WHO ALL MANKIND IS: We are all spiritual beings wrapped in a physical body, functioning in a physical world. All babies grow into adults with a personality that was formed by a combination of their genetic code as well as
the environment they grew up in. Their talents will be gained by what they were exposed to as well as some innate,
natural talent. Their physical possessions are gained either by inheritance, work, marriage and, with some, through criminal
acts. Humans have walked this earth for centuries, living and dying, continuing in
the same basic pattern since time began: (1)They are born (2) They grow into individuals with personalities and strive
daily to meet their physical and emotional needs (3) They die. Every (most?) individual has at least one earthly
possession, even if it's just the shirt on his back. Every person has a personality and is an individual, even the most introverted.
The poorest people on this earth strive to meet their physical needs and so does Donald
Trump; the results may be different, but the need is the same. And in the end, all will die; the Donald Trumps of this world
and the lowliest begger will come to same end.
SPIRIT OF MANKIND NEEDS MORE: While all of man basically goes through the 3 steps above, the spirit of man searches for more than
just the physical and this is true with all people. With most people, the problem begins when the spirit mistakenly believes
that when the physcial man is fulfilled, the spirit will be content and self-idenity will insue. The spirit of man searches
for "truth" and self-identity in philosophies and concepts of man which please the flesh and ego and it craves
for acceptance from family, friends, and mankind in general. For those who believe they have grown beyond the need for approval
from anyone (not sure if that is ever really the case) they still seek self-approval and feel spiritual successful
when they are successful in physical ways. Solomon speaks of the futility
of searching for self-fulfillment in pleasing the flesh and the ego.
SOLOMON'S SEARCH (I realize some
may question Solomon's authorship but I'm going to stick with Solomon):
While Solomon may not have had a problem with identity, he
did desire pleasure from the very things many people get caught up in when they try to "find self." He told himself
he wanted to see "what was good for the sons of men to do under heaven," Eccl. 2:3. Search for self in stimulants: "I searched in my heart
how to gratify my flesh with wine," Eccl. 2:3. Solomon sought to gratify
his flesh with wine as many seek today. Young people as well as older people get caught up in either trying to find their
identity in a group of peers, believing acceptance from others will satisfy self-identity. They may very well be accepted
into drinking parties and the drug crowd and may find temporary pleasure in the physical feeling alcohol and drugs produce,
as well as the fact they are no longer alone, but surrounded by other humans. Search for self in comfort. "I made my works great, I built myself houses, and planted myself
vineyards. I made myself gardens and orchards, and I planted all kinds of fruit trees in them," Eccl. 2:4-5.
Solomon sought out comfort in great houses and pleasure in the beauty of gardens and fulfilling his flesh with all manner
of fruits. Today, so many humans evaluate their worth in the size and comfort of their home and gardens and mistakenly come
to the conclusion their self identity lay in the rewards they can provide themselves. Search for self in modernism. "I made myself waterpools from which to water the growing
trees of the grove," Eccl. 2:6. Solomon sought out the most modern forms of industry. If he lived
today he would on top of the latest technology as so many today believe they can't live without, even if they can't
afford it. Not doing so might distance themselves from their friends who always have the latest and the greatest,
therefore losing the self-identity they worked so hard to have. Search
for self in possessions. "I acquired male and female servants, and had servants born in my house. Yes, I had
greater possessions of herds and flocks than all who were in Jerusalem before me," Eccl. 2:7. Solomon had
a great deal of property, on top of what was inherited from his father, as he "acquired" more and more, more than
his great father, King David. Often, humans "find themselves" in comparing their self with others. If they come
out on top, their self identity is secure, if they fail to do so, they must keep searching for that which will place them
on top. Search for self in the security of possessions.
"I also gathered for myself silver and gold and the special treasures of kings and of the provinces," Eccl. 2:8.
Humans, overall, love possessions and the more precious the possession, the more pride and feelings of self-worth.
Some may fill our houses with valuable antiques or artwork. Others may have several savings accounts, retirement funds,
IRA's and so forth and this gives them self-satisfaction in their wisdom and knowing their future is secure. Their self-identity
is intact in their possession of treasures. Search
for self in entertainment. "I acquired male and female singers, the delights of the sons of men, and musical
instruments of all kinds," Eccl. 2:8. There are some human beings who don't necessarily delight in gaining
physical possessions, but their interest may lay in entertainment; they live for their nights in front of the TV or their
weekends when they attend concerts or ball games, movies or whatever, as long as they are being entertained. They identify
self with being a "football fan" or fans of certain kind of music and gain much self-satisfaction in their devotion
to their source of entertainment. Search for self in
greatness. "So I became great and excelled more than all who were before in Jerusalem," Eccl. 2:9.
This is twice in this chapter Solomon mentions being greater than "all who were before him" in Jerusalem; the first
time in verse 7 where he mentions having more possessions than all who were before him and now in verse 9 as being greater
and excelling more than all before him. Solomon had some big shoes to fill in following his great father, King David, and
it sounds like he may have taken much pleasure in excelling beyond him. Many people today and throughout history want
to be the best in what they do. They want to be the most intelligent, the most beautiful, the richest, the most noble, the
most talented, or even the most humble and gracious of all individuals. Their self identity lay in the striving of being the
best. Search for self in self-indulgent pleasure
as a reward from labor. "Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I did not withhold my heart
from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor; and this was my reward from all my labor," Eccl. 2:10.
What pleasure to strive diligently and reap the pleasurable rewards of hard work! It gives the satisfaction of self in
knowing "I deserve pleasure for my efforts, therefore there is no holding back, for pleasure I will get." SELF: In Solomon's search
of what was good for the "sons of man under heaven" there is one common denominator and that is self. Everything
involved in Solomon's quest to find the wisdom in man's occupations, it all involved self from self-indulgeance in pleasing
the body to the accumulation of treasures and reaping the reward of hard work and finally self-pride in everything accomplished. Today, when people search for self they too look for self in what would please the body, the emotions,
and what will bring about self-pride. Even if they are not searching for self-indulgeance in pleasing the body, the thought
is, I need to find something for self that will set me apart...something that I can be proud of and others can recognize
this is who I am. With many individuals it amounts to acceptance and admiration from others and the desire is a better
personality, a better house, clothes etc., and just plain happiness. Some may be bored and feel this is because they do not
know who they are as they seem to always be caring for others and always working and never time to do what they want to do.
LIFE
"UNDER THE SUN": In all of Solomon's search
for the wisdom in the tasks and pleasures of man he concludes that all was vanity, grasping for the wind, and there was no
profit in possessions and in experiences. The first section of Ecclesiastes gives a depressed feeling that
life is just a waste of time, however, there are 2 phrases we need to keep in mind that Solomon repeats,
"All is vanity," and "Under the sun." Solomon is saying that all
we do on this earth that is just of a physical nature doesn't last and in the long run as far as eternity goes, doesn't amount
to a hill of beans if that is what we are living for and seeking pleasure in. When we die, it all goes away and eventually
even the memory of our presence on earth will be gone. This indeed would be depressing if this wasn't something more... if
there wasn't something available to us that is "over the sun."
SOLOMON'S CONCLUSION: 1) "There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and that his soul should
enjoy good in his labor. This also, I saw, was from the hand of God. For who can eat, or who can have enjoyment, more than I (correct translation is without Him or
apart from Him)? For God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy to a man who is good in His
sight; but to the sinner He gives the work of gathering and collecting, that he may give to him who is good before God."
Eccl.2:2-26 (NKJV) "I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives,
and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor--it is the gift of God." Eccl. 3:12-13 While all the work of man is temporary and is "like a vapor that vanishes;" when death comes,
another will take what the individual worked so hard for, or in life thieves may steal it, as well as in today's
situation, stock-markets crash and recessions come. All work of man is temporary, if for no other reason, "the earth
and its works will be burned up." However, Solomon does shed some light on man's work in that work and the reward of
labor is a gift from God. While it is temporary, it is good for man to stay busy, to support himself and his family when possible,
and to enjoy the good things that God would have man to enjoy in this life. There is a difference in enjoying what God has
created for man and living for these things. Without God, everything under the
sun is vanity. 2) "Let
us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man. For God will
bring every work into judgment, including every secret thing, whether is it good or whether it is evil." Eccl. 12:13 Fearing God and keeping His commandments is what makes life "under the sun" have worth and
causes man to experience joy and contentment.
SELF IDENTITY: The truth about self-identity does not lie in us, but rather it lies in our relationship with God. Although our true self is not the physical, our true self does manifest itself in physical ways. And
while we do not find ourselves in the physical, the physical often shows who we are. NEXT MONTH: FINDING OURSELVES IN CHRIST Next
month we will talk about finding ourselves in Christ and how the interaction between the spiritual and the physical gives
us identity.
. *
Before you read this article, I encourage you to read the Our Hope in Christ page. Without belief that Christ is the son of God and is our Savior, without repentance of our sins, and without
obeying the gospel and being placed in Christ, by coming into contact with His saving blood in baptism, everything else said
in the following article is meaningless. Life is meaningless.
. Finding Self in Christ Pat Gates
Perhaps you have read the title of this
article and you immediately think, "I am a Christian, I was baptized into Christ, and I've tried to be a good person
but I still feel like I don't know who I am. I feel as if I don't fit in. I understand being in Christ is the most important
thing in life, but we still have to live in this world, and I feel as if I have no identity."
(1) HAPPINESS:
The problem in the majority of people's thinking is that they
interpret "finding self" with searching for what will make them happy. Solomon searched and searched for what made
man happy; he had all the wealth and opportunities to do anything he wanted, possess anything he desired, and be anything
he wanted to be, however, in the end, he concluded all these were a waste of time. . (2) INDIVIDUALITY: People
today still search for self in what would please the body and the emotions. Even if they are not searching for self-indulgence
in pleasing the flesh, the thought is: I need to find something for self that will set me apart...something that I can
be proud of and others will recognize this is who I am. The results of this way of thinking may bring temporary
pleasure and temporary contentment with one's self, however, it won't last. The individual will continually be wasting
her energy with trying to remain on top and continually searching for that distinctive quality that will give her recognition.
Emotional exhaustion, discontentment, and a wide range of social problems will occur as setbacks will surely come and the
unthinkable will most likely be the end result: The individual never found that one unique quality that will set her
apart. . (3) CONFORMITY: On the opposite extreme, some women search for identify by wanting to conform
to a group of women they would like to be identified with or they have set up a standard by which they believe women
should meet and until they fit into that standard they have no identity. . (4) CONTENTMENT WITH ONESELF: This sounds good unless the person is lazy, evil, ungodly, immoral, unfaithful,
etc. etc. . (5) ????????? Some have no idea how to answer the question of
who they are because they have been confused by society's confusion of self-identity.
The problem in the
majority of people's thinking is that they interpret "finding self" with searching for what will
make them happy or finding that unique quality or talent that sets them apart from everyone else.
Why is self identity so important? It's not, if we are talking about identifying with things in this world. As far as living in this world
and identifying with anything in it, it is all temporary and completely "vanity" (as Solomon would say). Sure, we
may be "gardeners," "mothers," "school teachers," "artists," and so on and that's
perfectly fine to list these things as part of our lives but these things should not define
who we are in this earthly life. They are compartments we have placed ourselves in but they can be taken away in an instant
by illness or some outside force beyond our control. If we have defined ourselves by these things then we will feel completely
lost if we no longer have these in our lives. We are
spirits and our identity is spiritual We must not be blinded by this world's
thinking and what this world has to offer, for then we are acting like "mere men" (1 Cor. 3:3). I like that description
"mere men" because in Christ we are so much more than just flesh with fleshly thoughts and desires. If
we are baptized into Christ (see Our Hope in Christ page), then we have put on Christ, we walk in Christ, and we think as Christ. First and foremost we are spiritual beings
found in Christ's family, in His body, the church. We are God's children, holy priests, set apart to serve Christ, continually
looking for our true home, our spiritual home in heaven. We live in this world, but our identity is above this world; not
that we puffed up because of our greatness but because our Lord is great and has provided a way for salvation by
His love, mercy, and power. The fact is, we have no true, lasting identity without
Christ. And with Christ we have the only identity that matters in this world and out of this world. In Christ, we empty ourselves
of identifying with the world and the things of the world; when we do so, we can have the blessed peace of truly knowing who
we are and why we are here. We are not found in just wearing the label "Christian," but
in living and thinking Christ-like. Often our thinking
gets so lost in this world, not in the sense of thinking immoral thoughts, but in the sense of discontentment, fear,
self-deprecation, and the longing to fit in. Living in Christ helps us to find ourselves,
to know who we are, why we are here, and to see ourselves as God sees us. When we are found in Christ, all the fleshly ideas
we get caught up in begin to vanish because we finally understand we do not find ourselves in worldly pursuits.
Our Identity in Christ: What greater identity can we
have? We live in Christ, in the spirituality of faith, even while living in the flesh. Amazing thought! There are many many scriptures I could have chosen where God tells us who we are in Christ; I have selected
a few for us to consider:
And
God has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed
times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him
and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being..." Acts 17:26-28.
Behold
what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us that we should be called the children of God; and such we are (1 John
3:1). (Our God and Father desires us to be
identified with Him; He doesn't care about our looks and status in this life. He doesn't need us, but He knows we need
Him. We need His love and wisdom to give us direction and purpose in life, thus giving us self-identity.)
Let
us hear the conclusion of the whole matter; fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man. For God will
bring every work into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil." (Ecclesiastes 12:13,14)
(This is our purpose to fear God and keep His commandments. What we so often don't realize, is that
this very idea of fearing God and keeping His commandments is suppose to be interspersed in everything we do, even in the
most mundane thoughts and actions. We'll talk more about this in the next issue.)
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ
living in me: and that life which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, the faith which is in the Son of God, who loved
me, and gave himself up for me. (Gal. 2:2) And we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an understanding, that
we know him that is true, and we are in him that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God, and eternal
life. (1 Jn. 5:20) Or are ye ignorant that all we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized
into his death? We were buried therefore with him through baptism unto death: that like as Christ was raised from the dead
through the glory of the Father, so we also might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with him in the likeness
of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection; knowing this, that our old man was crucified with him,
that the body of sin might be done away, that so we should no longer be in bondage to sin; for he that hath died is justified
from sin. But if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him; (Rom 6:3-8) Let
us walk becomingly, as in the day; not in revelling and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and jealousy.
But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof. (Rom 13:13-14) And
they that are of Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with the passions and the lusts thereof. If we live by the Spirit,
by the Spirit let us also walk. (Gal 5:24-25) But God, being rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, even when
we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace have ye been saved), and raised us up with
him, and made us to sit with him in the heavenly places, in Christ Jesus: that in the ages to come he might show the exceeding
riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus: for by grace have ye been saved through faith; and that not of
yourselves, it is the gift of God; not of works, that no man should glory. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus
for good works, which God afore prepared that we should walk in them. (Eph 2:4-10) Be
ye therefore imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, even as Christ also
loved you, and gave himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for an odor of a sweet smell. (Eph. 5:1-2) For our citizenship is in heaven; whence also we wait for a Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: who shall
fashion anew the body of our humiliation, that it may be
conformed to the body of his glory, according to the working whereby he is able even to subject all things unto himself. (Phi
3:20-21) For in him were all things created, in the heavens and upon the earth, things
visible and things invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers; all things have been created through
him, and unto him; and he is before all things, and in him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church:
who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence. For it was the good pleasure
of the Father that in him should all the fulness dwell; (Col 1:16-19) Having been buried
with him in baptism, wherein ye were also raised with him through faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead.
And you, being dead through your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, you, I
say, did he make alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses; (Col 2:12-13) As therefore ye received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and builded
up in him, and established in your faith, even as ye were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. Take heed lest there shall be
any one that maketh spoil of you through his philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of
the world, and not after Christ: for in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily, and in him ye are made full, who
is the head of all principality and power: (Col 2:6-10)
. Christ
is All and in All Colossians 3:11 We are everything in Christ. Our Lord is our Savior, our example, and our identity.
When we believe and obey the gospel and are baptized into Christ, we put on Christ (Gal. 3:27). We
now have identity. We know we serve the Lord when we do for others because our identity is to serve Christ. This is
who we are: Col 3:23-24, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that
from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ." We serve out of love,
not for self-glorification or for an identification of self-worth. Gal 5:13, "through love serve one another." We do not seek praise or self-worth when we serve others
as we are "unprofitable servants" only doing the work God has called His people to do. "So likewise
you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, 'We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was
our duty to do.' " Our identity
is not found in comparing ourselves to others or in what others think about us. Our
identity is found in Christ and His will. It is proper to see good examples in others and allow their good way of life
to influence us in a positive manner, however, when we continually compare ourselves to others and seek approval
from others we will always end up feeling like we are lacking and it is a wasteful, self-demeaning way of life.
"But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."
2 Cor. 10:12 Self-Identity isn't
a matter of our greatness, but rather the mercy, grace, and love our Lord freely bestows on us to the point
that Christ died for us. Greatness lies in the fact we are hidden in Christ. "Set your mind on things above,
not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Col. 3:3 To continue in self-identity in Christ we need to continually examine
our thoughts, opinions, feelings, and emotions in light of God's word, to assure ourselves these are
align with who we are in Christ. 2 Cor 13:5, "Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test
yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?" Self-identity is never found in continual self-abasement. All of us will make mistakes
and sin. We must not ignore these sins, but rather repent, and then have confidence we can be forgiven. If we examine
the mistake we made and learn from it, rather than continually tear ourselves down, we try again, knowing God gave us examples
in His word of righteous people who sinned, repented, and persevered. Rom 3:23, "For all have sinned and
fall short of the glory of God." Self-identity is not found in
forcing our way in other people's lives, but rather our identity in Christ teaches us to be
quiet, work with our own hands, and not become busybodies. 1 Thess 4:11-12, "That you also
aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may
walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing." 1 Peter 3:4, "...the
incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." Our identity is to please Christ, not others. While
we will please others by living a righteous life, God's word tells us not everyone will accept us. We are told others
may misjudge us or speak ill of us. This happens to everyone. Luke 6:26-28, "Woe
to you when all men speak well of you, For so did their fathers to the false prophets. But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those
who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you." Eccl. 7:21, "Do not take to
heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even
you have cursed others." ********* Next month I'll continue with the thought
of who we are in Christ by looking at specific personality types and situations that tempt us to feel we are lost in this
world without self identity. I'll focus on how Living in Christ does identify us, no matter what condition or situation we
find ourselves in.
. In Him we live and move and have our being.
Pat Gates
The truth about self-identity
does not lie in us, but rather it lies in our relationship with God in Christ. We are all spiritual beings wrapped in a physical
body, functioning in a physical world and, although our true self is not the physical, our true self will manifest itself
in physical ways. In this case, however, the physical manifestation of our selves will not be fruitless nor will we live in
vanity and "grasping after the wind" as Solomon worded it. I made the following
chart to give the example of who I am. This is my true identity. I am in Christ. I have been saved by His mercy in His shed
blood. I came in contact with His blood in baptism and was raised to walk in newness of life. I was raised to be identified
with Christ. Notice I didn't describe myself as shy or outgoing, ugly or pretty,
talented or not. It doesn't matter. While I could have added some other things to my list, this is the basic description of
the parts of me that function on a daily basis in this life. The light of Christ should permeate through each, and my beliefs,
thoughts, and actions should stem from my identity in Christ. I live as a wife, mother, friend, Chronic Fatiguer, etc. and
as I function in these roles, I need to allow myself to be identified as living in Christ. I should allow Christ's example,
His word, and the hope through Christ to direct my thoughts and actions. Instead
of getting hung up on what I have or don't have physically (including personality), if I allow my true identity in Christ
to lead me, I won't care about the things of this world that don't matter and that aren't eternal. I will find myself being
content, but not stagnent.
In order not to be a hypocrite, I'm ashamed to say I don't
always live up to putting Christ in every part of my life, but I will work on it. This chart was not created to show
how Christ-like I am in all my walks of life, but rather an example, how Christ-like I SHOULD be and that Christ's light shining
in our thoughts, words, and actions is who we really are.
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. In Christ
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Wife
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Mother
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Grandmother
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Sister
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Daughter
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Friend
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Sister in Christ
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Aunt
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Patient
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Caregiver
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Woman with CFS
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Editor of Our
Hope
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Neighbor
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Customer
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Acquaintance
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In order to know myself, I must allow Christ to permeate
every part of my being. My outlook about myself and others must be based on how Christ sees me and how He teaches me to see
others. My day to day thoughts and activities must be Christlike. My attitude, my speech, my beliefs, my decisions should
all be directed by Christ's word.
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Situations and experiences
that may tempt us to forget our true identity in Christ. .Some experiences we have in this life, even good ones, may tempt us with the
thought that we have no self-identity, but we must remember nothing can take us away from the love of Christ
and our true identity through Him.
Introvert, quiet, shy.
One thing I wish parents would teach their children is that being quiet is OK. I was terribly shy when I was young and I would
hear about it from everyone, like I had some sort of disease that I needed to rid myself of immediately. How many times do
you hear people try to get their children to talk and say to them, "Quit being so shy," or they get embarrassed
and say in front of the child, "Sorry, she is just so shy." How is this going to help? It's not. It creates a lack
of confidence in self, to the point the child may grow up believing if they are quiet they are not worthy and have nothing
to offer anyone, therefore, no self-identity. The truth is, being more quiet than some is perfectly fine and, sometimes, more
desirable. If a child feels shy around strangers, that's normal, but if we constantly harp on how shy the child is, she
(or he) will feel embarrassed, believing she is abnormal and has nothing to offer. If you grew up believing that, get over it. Your identity is who you are in Christ and being quiet is admired, however,
if you use the excuse of shyness to not work for the Lord and to help others, then you are losing your identity in Christ. While
you may need to take steps to overcome any shyness that my be preventing you from serving the Lord, remaining
a quiet woman is acceptable and a "gentle and quiet spirit is precious in the sight of God." In
the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they
may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment
must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden
person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
1 Pet. 3:1-4 If you believe you have no self-identity because you are
quieter than some and perhaps don't have such snappy responses as others, then you are forgetting who you really are. In Christ,
a meek and quiet spirit is what our identity is and this applies to those who may not be as talented in conversation and for
those who are. A talented conversationalist is not what defines us, but rather do we "speak as the oracles of God"
(1 Pet 4:11), in truth, kindness, meekness and love. Lack of
wealth and possessions: Don't be fooled by Satan's lies that identity equals our possessions.
We identify with Christ, who put the greatest possession aside (heaven) to come to earth and live among men. Have
this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality
with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of
men. Phil. 2:5-7 We should never view ourselves as nothing because we
have not achieved financial success or have possessions that equal other women's. Too often we women compare ourselves
to other women and judge how worthy we are by other women's talents, personality, looks, and possessions. This is
harmful and wrong. We are spiritual people and we need to remember who we are in Christ and place our identity there;
the rest will take care of itself as our priorities will shift. No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else
he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.
Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will
eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are
you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing?
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all
his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is
thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matt. 6:24-29 And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests,
but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” Matt. 8:20 Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have
treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” Matt. 19:21 But recall the former days in which, after you were illuminated, you endured a great struggle with sufferings: partly
while you were made a spectacle both by reproaches and tribulations, and partly while you became companions of those who were
so treated; for you had compassion on me in my chains, and joyfully accepted the plundering of your goods, knowing
that you have a better and an enduring possession for yourselves in heaven. Heb. 10:32-34 Caregivers: There
comes a time in many of our lives where we are in a situation of caring for loved ones due to old age or illness. This may
consume all our time and energy and we begin to be tempted with the thought that we have lost ourselves because our lives
have turned into a daily ritual of caregiving. We need never believe this lie as we are living our identity
in Christ by caring for others, especially those in our own household: But if any provideth not for his own, and
specially his own household, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Tim. 5:8 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but
does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says
to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the
body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. James 2:14-17
Abused: If you are
a woman who was verbally, emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as a child, or even now as an adult, don't allow Satan
to tempt you with the thought you are nothing and you have lost your identity for ever. Being in Christ is what identifies
you. You are not invisible and while your flesh has been abused, NO ONE and NOTHING can
take you from the love of Christ. You have the greatest and most profound identity in Christ. You can hold your head up high
as a child of God by bending it low to the Almighty God who knows all, sees all, and loves you with absolute purity and gives
you the greatest hope of life eternal with righteous men and women who had lived on earth wanting nothing but good for
others. You will be enfolded in the comfort and love of God, even as you are now. Housewife/Young mother: Don't ever let this world tell you, you don't have identity or worth unless
you have a career. You have your identity in Christ and it is the Lord's will for all women to be "workers at home."
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching
what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure,
workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Titus 2:3-5 Many women have no choice but must work and the majority of these women would rather be at home
taking care of the needs of their family. There is glory in caring for the home, no matter what the woman's situation is.
If you are a woman who has to work and whose time is limited, do what you can with the ability you have. If you are a woman
who doesn't work outside the home, be grateful you can stay at home and use your time wisely and enjoy the work you have.
Young mothers, it gets difficult at times in caring for little ones day and
night. Be thankful if you are able to be at home full-time with your children; many women wish they could. Know these years
slip away in the blink of any eye; enjoy them, understanding this is part of your identity in Christ,
to raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord
Homebound/Bedbound: Don't believe
Satan's lies that your identity ISsickness and that's all there is to you. I realize it may seem that way,
at times, but the beauty about being in Christ is that your identity is spiritual and if your body no longer functions, your
spirit can soar, as you now sit in heavenly places in Christ (Eph. 2:6). Keep your thoughts and attitude in line with
Christ's and you have more identity than those who have physical health, but do not live in the spirit
CONCLUSION: If you are placing your identity in the flesh, most likely you are having problems "finding yourself."
If you are in Christ and live in the Spirit, you will know yourself. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according
to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those
who are in the flesh cannot please God. But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells
in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because
of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in
you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to
the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body,
you will live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. Romans
8:5-14
NOTHING
Can Take Away Our Identity in Christ!
What then shall we say to these things? If
God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for
us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God’s
elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore
is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate
us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril,
or sword? As it is written: “ For Your sake we are killed all day long;We are accounted as sheep for
the slaughter.”
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I
am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,
nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus
our Lord. Romans 8:31-39
- Abuse
- Persecution
- Misjudgment
- Child rearing
- Homekeeping
- Illness/Disability
- Old
age
- Poverty
Can NOT take your identity
away that you have in Christ. Nothing else matters in eternity. If you are a child of God you are blessed with the only identity
that matters in this world. No one's mistreatment of you can take that way. Recessions, illness, caregiving, and old age can
not take your identity away. The only person or thing that can steal your identity
is YOU. If you continue to search outside Christ for self-identity you will lose. If you think there HAS to be more, you will
live in discontentment. If you allow fear, anger, and shame to be prominate in your life, you will not know who you are in
Christ. If you believe in the word of God and repented of your past sins, if you
have confessed the Lord to be Christ and have been baptized, being buried with Christ, coming in contact with His life-giving
blood, and raised out of the watery grave to walk in a new life in Christ, you have identity. Appreciate it and thank God
for it and walk in love. Love prevents punishing yourself and others as it takes away discontentment, anger, and shame. Let
go of self-deprecation and know who you are in Christ. You will find yourself and be content.
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