Weeping may
endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalm 30:5)
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When Sorrow Turns to Self-Pity
Gary Henry
“And Cain said to the Lord, ‘My punishment is greater than I can bear!
Surely You have driven me out this day from the face of the ground; I shall be hidden from Your face; I shall be a fugitive
and a vagabond on the earth, and it will happen that anyone who finds me will kill me’” (Genesis 4:13,14).
ALL WHO LIVE IN THIS WORLD WILL HAVE
TO DEAL WITH SORROW. It is inevitable. In an environment where sin is a reality, the temporal consequences
of sin are unavoidable — and since sorrow is one of those consequences, we shall have to deal with it sooner or later.
The only question is HOW we shall do so. It’s important to keep our sorrow from turning into what is called “the
sorrow of the world” (2 Corinthians 7:10). This is the sorrow that wallows selfishly in its own misery. It does
not confront sin in a godly way.
Two
things are needed to keep our sorrow from turning into self-pity: REVERENCE and GRATITUDE. When we are passing through any
bitterness of spirit, we must maintain a humble respect for the greatness of God as our Creator, and we must not cease to
thank Him for all that is right, despite whatever has gone wrong. Even when the sun is shining, we find it challenging to
be as reverent and as grateful as we ought to be. However, when the darkness closes in, keeping our thinking clear about God
can seem so difficult that we despair. We give in to the “the sorrow of the world.”
Failures of reverence and gratitude should be seen as failures of perspective.
When pain focuses our attention on some small part of reality, we tend to lose touch with the larger truths. This is no trivial
thing, however. If we refuse to acknowledge the WHOLE truth about God, that refusal can cost us our souls (Romans 1:18-21).
God is greater than our woes, and whatever the immediate cause for our sorrow, we simply can’t afford to forget the
clear tokens of God’s greatness and goodness in the wider world.
Edmund Spenser wrote of the miserable fellow who finds himself “dying each day with
inward wounds of Dolour’s dart.” The sorrow of the world is deadly because it indulges in self-justification.
It fuels resentment and resistance to God. Like Cain, the self-pitying soul feels no genuine remorse for evil. He merely whines,
“My punishment is greater than I can bear!”
“He
lies pitying himself, hoping and moaning to himself; he yearneth over himself; his bowels are even melted within him, to think
what he suffers; he is not ashamed to weep over himself” (Charles Lamb). v
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And the Lord said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you
as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren."
(Luke 22:31-32)
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Be sure to read the response
that came in to our question of what grievers are often overlooked (below, left column).
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Do we tend to overlook some
grievers?
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. 1.
Some people who may be overlooked in their grief are:
those
who are stoic and suffer silently.
those who are emotional, because it might make us uncomfortable (shame on us!)
those who "wear a mask," feeling their faith will be considered weak if they allow others into their pain.
2. How we can help: No matter how great our faith
is, pain is pain. so please let's don't assume the person who does not speak of his/her pain or is more upbeat is not suffering.
ALWAYS acknowledge the pain/grief/loss of others. "Weep with those who weep." it's in The Book.
Thank you for these good thoughts! -Pat
. Past submissions to this section can be found on the
"What I wish others knew about living with loss" page.
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Ladies, do you know that sharing your sadness
or loss not only helps you, it helps others who are hurting? Consider these losses. Are any of these yours? - Death or Terminal illness of family member (spouse, child, parent, grandparent, sibling, niece or nephew). Also death of
a close friend, neighbor, or co-worker. All of these cause great sadness and sorrow.
- Loss of loved ones due to Suicide, Murder or Violent Accident.
- Paralysis due to accident or illness.
- Loss of a limb due
to Diabetes or Accident, or Crime.
- Loss of mobility, or inability to care for self due to Parkinson's, Multiple Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Stroke, etc.
- Grief over the loss of independence due to your illness:
Cancer, Alzheimer's, Aids, or any debilitating illness.
Any of
these things cause a sense of loss and sorrow. Even if you have never written an article before, you can simply
write a letter to us. Use the box below to
tell us about yourself and your own feelings of loss. Or simply write a letter to either of us: . Cindy at cgranke@yahoo.com Pat at ourhopeonline@gmail.com Tell us how you are coping with your grief. Or tell us
if you need to hear from others about particular feelings, and how they are coping or have coped with similar situations.
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