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NEW DRUG DEALERS...YOUR MEDICINE CABINET
Studies show that more teens abuse prescription drugs than
any other illicit drug, except marijuana; more than cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamine combined. Every day, 2,500 kids age
12-17 abuse a prescription painkiller for the first time and more people are getting addicted to prescription drugs.
Teens are abusing prescription drugs because they are widely
available, free or inexpensive, and they believe they are not as risky as street drugs. The majority of teens who abuse these
products say they get them for free, usually from friends and relatives, and often without their knowledge. Because these
drugs are so readily available, teens who otherwise wouldn’t touch street drugs might abuse prescription drugs.
• Seventy percent of people who abuse prescription pain
relievers say they got them from friends or relatives. (NSDUH, 2007)
• Sixty-four percent of teens (12-17) who
have abused pain relievers say they got them from friends or relatives, often without their knowledge. (NSDUH, 2007) • Nearly half (46%) of teens say they got prescription pain relievers for
free from a relative or friend. Eight percent say they bought pain relievers from a friend or relative, and another 10 percent
say they took the drugs without asking. (NSDUH, 2007) •
About two-thirds (64%) of teenagers who have abused prescription stimulants report getting, buying, or stealing them from
friends or relatives. (NSDUH, 2007)
• The majority
of teens say they abuse prescription painkillers because they are not illegal (51%). They also believe there is less shame
attached to using them (33%), and parents "don’t care as much if you get caught" (21%). (PATS, 2006) • More than three in five teens say prescription pain relievers are easy to
get from parents’ medicine cabinets; half of teens say they are easy to get through other people’s prescriptions;
and more than half (52%) say prescription pain relievers are "available everywhere." The majority of teens (56%)
agree that prescription drugs are easier to get than illicit drugs. (PATS, 2006)
More teens abuse prescription drugs than any illicit drug
except marijuana. • • • The
majority of teens who abuse prescription drugs get them easily and for free, primarily from friends and relatives. • • • Teens are also abusing some
over-the-counter (OTC) cough and cold remedies to get high, which is especially troubling given teens’ easy access to
these products. • • • Many
parents are not aware of teen prescription drug abuse. Teens say their parents are not discussing these dangers with them,
even though research shows that parental disapproval is a powerful way to keep teens from using drugs. • • • Parents are in a unique position to immediately reduce
teen access to prescription drugs because they are found in the home. • •
• Teens are abusing prescription drugs because many believe the myth that
these drugs provide a "safe" high and they are easily available. •
• • There has been a dramatic increase in the number of poisonings and
even deaths associated with the abuse of prescription and OTC drugs. • •
• The prescription drugs most commonly abused by teens are painkillers, prescribed
to treat pain; depressants, such as sleeping pills or anti-anxiety drugs; and stimulants, mainly prescribed to treat attention-deficit
hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). • • • Some teens use prescription and OTC drugs with alcohol or other drugs, which could lead to dangerous drug interactions
and other serious medical consequences.
Prescription
drugs that are most commonly
abused include three classes: painkillers (opioids), depressants, and stimulants.
that are most commonly abused include three classes: painkillers (opioids), depressants,
and stimulants. • Painkillers (opioids) are
prescribed to alleviate pain, such as those drugs prescribed after surgery. These drugs are also referred to as narcotics,
or prescription pain relievers. Examples include oxycodone (OxyContin), propoxyphene (Darvon), hydrocodone (Vicodin), hydromorphone
(Dilaudid), and meperidine (Demerol). • Depressants
slow normal brain function and are used to treat anxiety and sleep disorders. In higher doses, some depressants can become
general anesthetics. Tranquilizers (benzodiazepines such as Valium and Xanax) and sedatives are examples of depressants, as
are barbiturates (Amytal, Nembutal, Seconal, Phenobarbital). •
Stimulants increase alertness, attention, and energy, which are accompanied by increases in blood pressure,
heart rate, and respiration. Stimulants are prescribed to treat narcolepsy (a rare form of sleep disorder), attention-deficit
hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and depression that has not responded to other treatments. Examples of prescription stimulants
include amphetamines (Biphetamine, Dexedrine), and methylphenidate (Ritalin).
Some signs that your teen might be abusing
prescription and/or over-the-counter (OTC) drugs include constricted pupils, slurred speech, or flushed skin. Parents should
be alert to the following: personality changes, mood swings, irritability, excessive energy, sleepiness or avoiding sleep,
sweating, loss of appetite, forgetfulness, or clumsiness. Watch for signs around the house such as missing pills, unfamiliar pills, or empty cough and cold medicine bottles
or packages. If your teen has a prescription, keep control of the bottle. Be alert to your teen running out of pills quickly,
losing pills, or requesting refills. Other
signs might include secretiveness, loss of interest in personal appearance, borrowing money or having extra cash, skipping
classes, or not doing well in school. There
are varying short- and long-term effects associated with different types of prescription and OTC drugs.
My Child Was Lost and is Found
Joe R. Price
The news of the recovery of fifteen-year-old Elizabeth Smart from the clutches of her kidnapper a few days away brought
joy to all who heard it. The news that she was alive was so unexpected and startling, that when I heard it my mouth literally
dropped open in amazement. “They found her! Alive? Really?” It was unbelievable. We are truly happy for the safe
return of Elizabeth to her family. One striking thing that caught our attention throughout this terrible ordeal for
the Smart family was the fact that they never gave up hope. They expected her to return, to be found alive and come back home.
We admire their resolve even in the face of bleak circumstances. It reminds us of the story of another
child. He was not kidnapped; he freely left home. He was not threatened and manipulated; he chose his course of action. Although
free to act, he became bound by a power greater than an abductor: sin. And, I believe it is safe to say that his father never
gave up hope that one day he would return home. Of course, we speak of the lost son in Jesus’ parable,
Luke 15:11-32. Leaving the grace and blessings of his father, this son demanded his inheritance and traveled to a country
far removed from home where he “wasted his possessions with prodigal (“wasteful,” jrp) living” (Lk.
15:13). Finally, “he came to himself” and returned to his father seeking mercy as a servant in his father’s
house. Instead, the father, with great compassion and love, rejoiced and celebrated his return: his son “was dead and
is alive again; he was lost and is found” (Lk. 15:24). If you are lost in sin you can go God and there find
mercy and the joy of heavenly celebration. God has not given up on you. He has sent His Son to live and die, to arise from
the dead and ascend to heaven. He has given us all a word of truth, which is able to save the soul. Through His gospel He
calls you home. If you are lost, be found today. (1 Cor. 15:1-4; Rom. 5:6-11; 6:16-18; 1:16; Mk. 16:15-16).
A very encouraging note I
received. The emphasis in red were made by me. Thank you, sister, for your encouragment. -Pat
 I hope that this will give some encouragement to any woman
with a husband who is not a Christian. My husband was baptized 33 years after we married! Our
2 daughters and I have attended services faithfully throughout the years, and he has attended with us most
of the time. I knew that he believed everything he read in the Bible, but I just couldn't get him to take that step. Finally,
when he retired, he made the decision to be baptized. There sure were a lot of tears shed from a lot of people that evening
when he walked down that aisle! He has devoted many hours in the past few years to help out whenever there is a need at our
congregation. I think he wants to make up for lost time! Don't give up or quit praying.
I have personally known several men who never attended services with their families when the children were growing up,
but as they got older the influence of their families changed them, and they
became faithful Christians. Stay strong and show by example how wonderful the Christian way
of life is. -anonymous
"My
husband is not what he appears to be.
Any advice?"
"My husband is a hypocrite. He attends services and projects
the kind, Christian husband image he has built for himself for the public. At home though, he has let it be known he will
not study or read because he is a "good person" and does not need to improve. He makes threats when he
doesn't get his way when he wants it because God's says he is the head of the family...and so on and so on.
Very twisted and manipulative, uses scripture to twist his way etc....He is very unapproachable. I can not talk with
him, no matter how respectfully, about anything he needs to examine about himself because he does nothing wrong; it is
his "job" to be right, and everything is all my fault.
My concern is the impact it has on my kids. They
see the double standards, inconsistencies, selfcenteredness and have grown bitter toward him as privately as possible. They
work very hard at showing proper respect for him as God has commanded. I really worry I will lose my son, spiritually,
due to the anger and the lack of positive relationship with his father and the toll it will have on him. Any advice?"
--anonymous
RESPONSE FROM PAT:
Thank you for
writing. Before I begin with giving advice, I realize I don't know the whole situation and what you and your family are
going through, but I'll try and respond the best I know how. Anytime I receive a letter like this I'm always
aware I may give advice that doesn't necessarily apply to the writer's situation, so if I make any suggestions that
either don't apply or you are already doing it, just keep in mind it's ignorance on my part. Any of
you who would like to give our sister any advice, please do so. This note did come in anonymously and I don't know who
wrote it.
Your situation is a very difficult one. I have seen these personality traits in Christians (not just
husbands) and I would imagine it takes a great deal of wisdom and self-control in your thoughts as well as your speech. I'm
going to list some things that may be helpful to all in a similar situation; you may feel like you're not the one that
should be making all the effort, and while that is true, you are the one who is seeking advice on how to help your children.
In helping your children, you may have to do 100% of the work, without regret, because one parent giving their all is much
more helpful to children than neither parent willing to work.
1. The first and foremost
help your husband and your children need is for you to keep a close relationship with the Lord, in humbleness
and complete submission and dependency on Him. This attitude will help you to begin the day with prayer for you and your family,
pray for wisdom and with faith and knowledge of His word, and you will make better choices and endure in patience. "Patient in tribulation; continuing stedfastly in prayer;" (Rom. 12:12)
2. As I already said,
you have to make an agreement with yourself that you are willing to do 100% of the work to help your family,
even if you feel you are the only one making the effort. "If it be possible, as much as in you
lieth, be at peace with all men," (Rom. 12:18) If you aren't willing to do this, without bitterness, than
your efforts will fail because they will end in frustration. If you make it your aim to give it your all, you are not alone,
as the Lord sees, He knows, and He will strengthen. Eventually good will come from your work, but you may have to wait to
see the fruit from your labor.
3. Let it go. It's best to not
try and change your husband by pointing out what he needs to examine about himself. Husbands don't want their faults pointed
out by their wives and often they will react in a defensive mode and will continue in their bad habits (or sins) and
maybe even increase them, because they are not going to have their wives tell them what to do. Now I do recognize there may
be some circumstances that may require talking to your husband, in a submissive manner, but overall it's best to remain
silent and remember 1 Peter 3:1-2: "Likewise
you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by
the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear."
4. Love your husband. Even when he acts in such a way that it is hard to like him, he is the
one you made a covenant with, before God, "for better and for worse." Love his soul, pray for him, and do good
to him. "Overcome evil with good," Rom. 12:21. Respect what good he does do and try and
build that up in him. Even though he is being a hypocrite he is, at least, meeting with the saints and allowing his family
to. It will take a great deal of self-control not to dwell constantly on his faults but work on looking for the good in him.
5. Close your mouth. I put that very bluntly because, to me,
other than dwelling on his faults, that would be the most difficult exercise of all, but it is absolutely necessary. Not only
for your marriage sake, but for the sake of your children, keep your mouth closed and do not roll your eyes or sigh in exasperation.
"Bless them that persecute you; bless and curse not," Rom. 12:14. You don't need to point out
to your husband and your children that you disagree with his action or speech. It is evident when your husband has said or
done something wrong; he knows it and your children know it, but if you feel you need to point it out then you are placing
a further wedge between you and your husband and your husband and your children. And a word of warning: Your displays of displeasure
about your husband may backfire and as your children get older they may switch over to dad's side in defense of him.
I've seen wives who keep quiet and wives who don't. I've seen good results in marriages and in children
when the wife would remain silent and not retailiate or try and change their husbands...sometimes it took years, but the end
result was worth it. I've also seen wives who would make it clear, by either their speech or by rolling their eyes, that
they continually disagreed with their husbands and thought they were foolish. These marriages, as well as the relationships
with their children, always ended badly.
6. Be the example of a true,
faithful, unhypocritical Christian. You may feel like it takes both parents to create a faithful, believing
child and while I'm sure statistically speaking, the odds go up dramatically, it is still possible and very probable for
a child to become and remain a faithful Christian if raised by one parent who lives and teaches God's commandments. Timothy
is a great example, but I'm sure we all have seen this in other families where the father was unbelieving or hypocritical,
yet the mother's influence and teaching led the child to a fruitful life in the service to the Lord. "Having
been reminded of the unfeigned faith that is in thee; having dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois and in thy mother Eunice;
and am persuaded, in thee, also," 2 Tim. 1:5.
In some cases a child may have to live with verbal
abuse and being put down by their father and this makes for a very difficult situation and may have lasting scars on the child.
This is when they need a mother's good example more than ever. They will need her praise and encouragement and they will
need a mother with wisdom who will know how to build them up without tearing down their father. Even in this scenario,
a child can learn the truth and how to act in the way God would have them to, by the example of their mother. If
they live with a mother who feels free to verbally reprimand the father and put him down (even if he is at fault)
the child will learn this attitude and will incorporate it in his/her own life; a mother's anger only increases the child's
anger.
7. As you seem to be doing, keep teaching your children to respect and obey
their father, in the Lord. For the rest of their lives they are going to meet and have to work with unreasonable
people and the early teaching of reacting in the right manner to the wrong reaction from others will help them throughout
their lives. God teaches respect and obedience to authorities, not only to righteous authorities, but to all. "Servants
be in subjection to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward," 1 Peter 2:18.
8. Encourage and praise your husband. This is a toughy, especially
if your husband never sees the wrong in himself, you may feel like he doesn't deserve praise and, besides, he gives himself
enough praise as it is. The idea of praising your husband, I mean genuine praise, is for three
reasons: (1) If you will practice this spiritual exercise it makes you look for the good in him; this will help you to
respect him and will fight the battle of bitterness. (2) He needs reinforcement when he does indeed do good works and he will
appreciate the fact you noticed. This builds up a healthy recognition in him of what is good and it will help him to know
you still respect him. (3) It will teach your children to respect his good deeds as well and it will help them to see that
you still respect and care for him. This is so important for the children to see this. If they see that you've given up
on him and have no feelings but resentment they will eventually either give up as well and rebel, or may even begin to resent
you. No, that doesn't seem fair, but believe me, there's a good chance that may happen. "In honor, preferring
one another," Romans 12:10
9. Be in subjection to your husband.
He's right, God has given him to be head of the house. No, God has not given him the right to abuse that position and
he will stand accountable to God for that, but wives need to still remain in subjection even with unreasonable husbands, as
long as they aren't disobeying God's law.
10. Get strength from your spiritual
family. If you need to talk to someone, afterall there are times you may need help and comfort,
only speak to someone who is wise, knowledgeable of God's will, who will not gossip, and who will not treat your
husband badly to avenge you. If you find you are sharing your feelings with a woman who just wants to hear all the dirty details,
without trying to strengthen you spiritually, and you find it just turns into a put-down-husbands conversation, then perhaps
it's best to refrain from sharing your life with this woman.
I appreciate you sharing your concerns with us.
My heart, and other reader's hearts, surely goes out to you. Some of the most difficult times in my life with some of
my greatest temptations have been ones when I've had to deal with various personalities that don't take
on responsibility, make excuses for themselves, and refuse to see the wrong in themselves. Often I failed to be that gentle
woman of strength because I either failed to use self control in my thoughts or in my tongue, or both.
Finally, be ye all likeminded, compassionate, loving as brethren, tenderhearted,
humbleminded: not rendering evil for evil, or reviling for reviling; but contrariwise blessing; for hereunto were ye called,
that ye should inherit a blessing. For, He that would love life, And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips that they speak no guile: And let him turn away from evil, and do good; Let him seek peace, and pursue it. For
the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, And his ears unto their supplication: But the face of the Lord is upon them that
do evil. And who is he that will harm you, if ye be zealous of that which is good? But even if ye should suffer for righteousness'
sake, blessed are ye: and fear not their
fear, neither be troubled; but sanctify in your hearts Christ as Lord: being ready always to give answer to every man that asketh you a reason concerning the hope that
is in you, yet with meekness and fear: having a good conscience; that, wherein ye are spoken against, they may be put to shame
who revile your good manner of life in Christ. For it is better, if the will of God should so will, that ye suffer for well-doing
than for evil-doing. Because Christ also suffered for sins once, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us
to God; being put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit. 1 Peter 3:8-18
I will put you and your family in my prayers. Please
don't hesitate to write again and I do hope you don't take offense to what I said; I'm not blaming you, I just
want to reinforce the armour you need to battle the temptations Satan is surely throwing at you.
To sum it all
up, you are your children's best hope for them remaining faithful. You can not change your husband, he must change
himself. However by your good example and remaining in silent submission, you may win him by your conduct and your children
will learn from you. May God bless and strengthen you in your work ahead.
Should church discipline be pursued
by the wife of the "hypocritical husband"?
Pat Gates
I received the following email in regards to the response
I gave to the sister in last month's issue, "My husband is not what he appears to be. Any advice?" (Scroll
down to view the article.)
Pat,
there is some Biblical advice you neglected to give: Matt 18. A husband or wife who is living sinfully (dominating,
yelling, provoking, refusing to study, etc.) is subject to the same confrontation and church discipline as anyone else. The
spouse should confront them, then take witnesses, then take it before the church.
Thank you for writing. This has turned into an interesting study for
me. I've come up with a rather long response, so please bear with me. --Pat
There
are several relationships between people spoken of in the word of God: Husband/wife; Parent/child; brother/sister; spiritual
brother/sister; Christian/unbelievers. God has given us instruction in our interaction in these different relationships,
some instruction is the same in each case, while some differs according to our associations. There are obligations a
wife has to a husband that she does not have to others, as well as a child to a parent, and these God-given commitments must
be met. In all relationships God expects wisdom to be used.
Let's look at the verses you mentioned in
Matthew 18:15-17:
"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go
and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if will not hear
you, take with you one or two more that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he refuses
to hear them, tell it to the church."
THE PASSAGE IN CONTEXT: In reading
over the entire chapter of Matthew 18 we see Jesus answering a question put forth by some disciples (18:1), "Who then
is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" Jesus proceeds to answer that question by setting a child in the middle
of them and explaining how they must have a child-like humbleness. They must act in a manner that would not cause
one of these little ones to stumble. They must not despise these children, nor this humble attitude that is represented in
this child. He continues to explain that temptations will come and if they want to become great in the kingdom
they must cast off those temptations. The Son of Man did not come to glorify man, but to save mankind in his lost state. In
verses 12-14, he uses a shepherd seeking after one lost sheep as an example of the Father's desire that no "little
one" should perish, further instructing us in the importance of a child-like, humble attitude. This attitude is
displayed in the Lord, Himself, as Mark points out that as Jesus placed the child in the middle of them and had taken
him in His arms, He said, "Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives
Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me," (Mark 9:37). Christ did not even seek His own glory.
Jesus continues in answering the question, "Who is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?," in verses 15-17, as He
says, "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you,
you have gained your brother...etc." (see verses above in blue). What do these verses have to do with who is greatest
in the kingdom of heaven? It's continuing with the thought of having a child-like humble attitude. Perhaps Jesus knew
the heart of these disciples and their misuse of handling their relationship with their brethren and proceeded to discipline
them, or maybe Jesus brought this up because He knows how difficult it is for man to have self-control and the right
attitude when wronged by another. A child is a perfect example because if someone wrongs a child, whether it a fellow
playmate or a parent, the child is so forgiving and seeks again the relationship he has with the individual.
If
we read other verses related to Matthew 18:15-17, we can better understand how these verses are connected with having a humble
attitude. In Deuteronomy 17:2-7, Israel was instructed to put someone to death for idol worship on the testimony
of two or three witnesses, not on the testimony of one. And the one who first accuses the guilty of sin has
to be the one to initiate the death penalty. This law made sure there were be no false accusers. It keeps a check on pride
when anger can tempt a man with vengeance or tempt him to misjudge the one who wronged him.
In Deuteronomy 19:15-19,
again the law mentions the mouth of two or three witnesses is needed to confirm a man's iniquity. If a false witness rises
against a man then both men in the controversy shall stand before the priests and judges, then the false witness must be punished.
Again this law keeps pride and vengeance in check.
So Jesus is telling His disciples that when they accuse someone
of wrong they need to be sure their complaint is accurate, not based on emotion or vengeance, and their accusation needs to
be with the right attitude that it is for the good of the individual, "If he hears you, you have gained your brother." LAW AND WISDOM WORKING TOGETHER IN THE DECISION OF USING MATTHEW 18:
There is law and there is wisdom; these are not contrary to one another, but rather are to be
used together. The use of law with experience gains wisdom that enables discretion to be used. "Who is wise and
understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom...the wisdom that
is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and
without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace," James 3:13,17-18.
An example of wisdom and law being used together is the fact of eating of meat. Eating meat offered to idols is
lawful for a Christian because a Christian understands the idol is nothing and the meat is just food to be consumed. However,
if eating the meat causes one who is weak in the faith to stumble, then the "meekness of wisdom" will prohibit the
eating of the meat (1 Corinthians 8:4-13). Law and wisdom are not contrary to one another, but rather they are to be used
together for the good of all.
In the case of the wife using the law of Matthew 18:15-17, she will need to use God's
wisdom in whether or not she will take advantage of this law or the law and wisdom given specifically
to wives of husband who do not obey the Word. I'll discuss this further in the next section.
If the wife with the "hypocritical husband" chooses to use Matthew 18:15-17 in her response to
her husband's actions, she must have the right attitude; an attitude of having child-like humbleness. She must confront
her husband with desire to help "gain him," and she needs to be sure her accusations are absolutely correct,
not in any way colored by anger or vengeance. She will also need to be prepared for the negative situation that will most
likely occur in this situation.
If the
wife is prepared to bring accusation, will she be prepared for the possible consequences?
1) Will she be prepared for her shortcomings/sins to be exposed? Proverbs
25:8-10 states, "Do not go hastily to court; for what will you do in the end, when your neighbor has put you to
shame? Debate your case with your neighbor himself, and do not disclose the secret to another; Lest he who hears it expose
your shame, and your reputation be ruined." Will her indictment of her husband, indict her? Will the wrong
she has done be brought up by her husband? Is she prepared for her faults to be laid open for all to see as her husband, in
defense, brings out her shortcomings and possible sins? Because the husband gives an appearance of righteousness to the church,
the burden of proof that he is contrary to what they see on Sundays, falls on the wife. Often what goes on in the privacy
of a home is not easily proven when it is hidden from the view of others
2) Is
the wife prepared for her husband's response to her accusation and bringing the church into this?
"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Like an earring of gold and an ornament of
fine gold is a wise reprover to an obedient ear," Proverbs 25:11-12. Right words at the right time are invaluable.
Will "words fitly spoken" always bring the accused to their spiritual senses? Not if they are a scoffer: "He
who reproves a scoffer gets shame for himself, and he who rebukes a wicked man gets himself a blemish. Do not reprove a scoffer,
lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you," Proverbs 9:7-8. Is the husband a scoffer? What will
be the outcome when a wife reproves her scoffer husband? Will he hate her? Is the wife ready to take that chance, especially
when she has seen, many times in the past, that her husband refuses to be corrected?
(3)
How can she prepare for the last statement? "If he refuses to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a
tax collector. What would that mean for the wife? Is she to withdraw from him? Is she not to keep company
with him and not even to eat with him? (1 Corinthians 5:11).
As I said to begin with, a wife has responsibilities
to her husband unlike that of brothers and sisters in Christ:
• Matthew 19:5-9
"A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh...therefore what
God has joined together, let not man separate... whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another,
commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." A wife can not separate from her
husband in a state of withdrawal. If the husband's sin is apparent to the church and if the church decides they must withdraw
from the husband, the wife should support the church's decision without prejudice, however, she still has responsibilities
given by God that she needs to keep in regards to her husband.
• 1 Corinthians
7:3-5, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife
does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his
own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting
and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Again, here is a responsibility given by God that is for the marital relationship only.
•
Titus 2:4-5, "That they [older women] admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed."
This command is not just for well-behaved, wise Christian husbands, but for all wives married to all types of personalities
* 1 Peter 3:1-2 Being won by the conduct
of the wife
Wives are told in 1 Peter 3:1-2 how to deal with husbands who are not obeying the Word, "You
wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be
won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct, accompanied by fear." This verse is
direction for the way wives are to teach their husbands: Not by word, but by their conduct. While it may indeed be all right
for a wife to discuss a problem with her husband, submission, meekness and a gentle spirit, respect, and wisdom
must always be used. (I do feel the sting of my own weakness in this area.)
• Wives
are to be submissive to their husbands, whether they are obeying God's word or not.
•
Wives are to teach their husbands by their chaste, fearful conduct (respect of God, as well as God-ordained respect of
her husband). Men do not like to be taught by their wives, preached to, nor faults pointed out. God gives women wisdom in
how to handle their husbands who do not obey the word: Teach by chaste, fearful conduct. Herein is the combination of law
and wisdom.
• Wives are not to be overly concerned with their outside appearance, but with
the hidden person of the heart, with a gentle and quiet spirit. "For in this manner, in former times, the holy women
who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah, obeyed Abraham, calling him
lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror," 1 Peter 3:3-6. Sarah, who did have
a believing husband is our example of being in submission to our husbands, using respect, doing good and not being fearful,
as she is trusting in God and His direction.
That very important word, "likewise":
Notice how 1 Peter
3:1 begins with he word is "likewise." This word means "in like manner" or "in the same way"
wives be in submission to your own husbands. "In the same way" as what? What is the wife to be like in submission
to her husband? We must go back into the last part of 1 Peter 2 to find the answer.
1 Peter 2:13: "Submit
yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake..." Goes on to speak of obeying our government, honoring
all etc...
and 1 Peter 2:18-25:
Servants, be submissive to your masters
with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh. For this is commendable,
if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are
beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is
commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example,
that you should follow His steps:
" Who committed no
sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth"; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered,
He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body
on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. For you were
like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
"Likewise, you wives, be submissive
to your own husbands..." We are called to be like Christ, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered,
He did not threaten." We are to be submissive to our husband even as a servant is to submissive to masters who are not
only good and gentle, but also to the harsh. God knows there are harsh husbands out there, He knows
there are some who do not obey the Word, and in His wisdom he tells wives to be gentle, submissive, having conduct that emulates
Christ for the saving of the husband's soul, as well as her own.
Is any of this fair? Why should the
woman carry the burden? God's laws are always fair and both husband and wife carries the weight of making their marriage
work according to God's plan (how much lighter that weight becomes when the husband and wife are obeying God!). God gives
responsibilities to the husbands and holds them accountable if they do not love their wives as Christ loved the church
and gave Himself for it (Eph. 5:25) and to love their wives as their own bodies (Eph. 5:28). However, even if the
husband does not love his wife as God directs, the wife is to be submissive and obey her husband, in the Lord.
I asked a friend of mine about his thoughts on the wife practicing
Matthew 18 in regards to her husband and he said the following: (Keep in mind this is a preacher who I know is faithful in
all things and has no problem with obeying God's commands on discipline.)
"Care should be taken to avoid seeming to advise
others to resort to the arm-twisting approach. Seems to me that, if the original sister's situation is not already
intolerable, without great care, bringing the matter to the attention of other brethren is more likely to harden
her husband's heart, make the situation worse, and possibly even destroy the marriage, than it is to bring her
husband to repentance.
When there is more than one tool on the rack, God's workman must exercise care
in selecting the right one for the task at hand. Does this job call for a sledgehammer, or a tack hammer?
The motto of a wise physician is, "First, do no harm."
I don't want to finish this response with the impression
that I believe a wife should never, in any circumstance, bring her husband's sin up to the elders or any brother or sister
in Christ. I was responding to what I believe would be the best thing in regards to what I know of this specific case.
There could be much more to this situation than was told.
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