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Practical
Suggestions for
Safeguarding Your Marriage
To protect your marriage as the years pass, practice the principles that social scientists
have found in lasting marriages: • Treat each other as best
friends. Just as you overlook irritating traits in a friend, look past your partner's flaws and focus on his
or her endearing qualities. Have fun with your partner, laugh together, and share your thoughts and feelings. Give your love
freely and unselfishly -- without keeping score or feeling that you're sacrificing. As you do, you will encourage loving
behavior from your spouse, creating a cycle where giving love creates love. You may find yourself surprised and delighted
to discover a fresh perception of your beloved, which inevitably develops when you love freely. •
Unite as allies.Years of companionship tend to ease sharp differences between spouses, making it easier to
feel like a team. Even when differences still come up, they feel less threatening because love and commitment have grown.
Spouses now enjoy one another's different strengths and divergent perspectives. They've learned that with their spouses
complementary traits, they can reach difficult goals they couldnt achieve on their own. Value, enjoy, and build on this unity. • Treat intimate knowledge with care. The intimate knowledge of one
another that spouses gain over the years creates a strong, enduring alliance. This intimate knowledge, however, must be used
only in loving service of one's partner. If it is ever misused, the sense of violation will go deeper than in a younger
marriage, creating more damaging resentment, sadness, and disappointment. Thus it becomes even more important in older marriages
to admit wrongs, apologize when necessary, and change behavior as needed. •
Continue personal development. Individual interests add needed freshness to a marriage. Separate friends
and activities help each partner continue personal growth and keep a healthy network of support. This balance between individuality
and togetherness can be delicate. As you pursue interests, keep your spouse as your top priority and maintain a loving awareness
of his or her needs. A good golf game with buddies can be renewing, but not if it's at the expense of time with your spouse.
Personal growth can benefit both spouses if it's kept within reasonable boundaries. Karen, for example, decided after
29 years of caring for her family that it was her turn to follow interests outside her home. She chose valuable pursuits,
but one evening she looked across the room at her husband and realized she was neglecting him and their marriage. She reworked
her priorities, deciding to continue her new interests by putting her husband back at the top of the list. • Have faith in God. Researchers have found that personal commitment
to religion tends to increase marital commitment and even improves couples communication and problem solving skills. But statistics
alone don't tell the full story. When two people rely on God to help them overcome the inevitable challenges of living
together, marriage becomes a deeply spiritual commitment where partners, separately and together, are fortified by the strength
and power of their Creator. • Increase flexibility.
During later life, new challenges often arise, including career changes, older children, retirement, and health issues. As
these challenges make new demands on your marriage, be flexible and willing to adjust. -selected
Families Reunited
After
Military
Deployment
Many of our families in the United
States and other countries around the world are military families, with one or more members of the family serving in the middle
east or other distant places where a spouse and children cannot accompany them. Usually these tours of
duty run for about a year, but sometimes more. Such separation and the changes it brings about can create
strong – and what may seem like conflicting – emotions in those who must go away, as well as in those who stay
behind. Almost everyone recognizes the pain and fears that are present when a family member leaves to serve
his country in a war torn land. However many do not realize that there are stresses that often affect families
once the tour of duty is ended and the military member is reunited with loved ones, or returns to jobs back home.
When my husband had to leave me and our three children behind for just four months while he reported for duty to Clark
Air Base in the Philippines and made arrangements for us to follow when housing was available – it
was a stressful time for us. We had never been separated before. He was responsible
for a wife and children ages one year to four years.
I was raised in a small
town, had never lived on my own before, and I was unfamiliar with many military procedures. Managing doctors, shots for travel,
passports, household expenses and maintenance was very stressful for me. After putting the children to
bed each night, I found myself crying as I wrote to him, longing for the time when we could join him again. Learning
to manage all of these things on my own was a learning experience, but it was also a cause for much anxiety for me.
Once our family was reunited, we were ecstatic but the changes that had necessarily become part of our lives were suddenly
subject to changes, while adjusting to a new country and customs, and there was some readjusting to merging our new skills
and routines to those of all of us being together. That was when I realized how frightening it must
be to be two separate family units for a whole year, and then readjusting to each other and changes at the end of that time.
Cindy
The following article is adapted from Welcome Home–A Guide to a Healthy
Family Reunion, which is provided free of charge by the American Red Cross Armed Forces Emergency Services.
The document is intended for the military member returning home, but there clearly are applications for those
who have been keeping the home fires burning. Cindy
Making Life “Normal” Again:
Where do you start?
How do you begin making life normal again, when “normal” now means something completely different than
it did before you left? You are not the same person you were before you left, and neither are the people
you love and work with.
Begin by
realizing that your reunion is more than just coming home; it’s a major event in your life and for those around you—maybe
even bigger than the separation. In fact, research shows that reunion can cause more stress in people’s
lives than deployment. That’s not to say that returning service members and their family and friends
aren’t happy about the homecoming—they’re usually ecstatic. The stress comes from the
changes that have taken place and concern about what life will be like after you have been separated.
Stress is normal, but if it goes unrecognized and unmanaged, it can lead to serious physical and emotional health problems.
If handled correctly (which really isn’t very hard), it can be turned into a source of energy and enthusiasm
about starting a brand-new life with your family.
Changes to Expect:
More Independence: Those at home were forced to become more independent in your absence.
They’ve taken on new responsibilities, made their own decisions, and set their schedules. As
a result, they’ve become more confident and proud of their accomplishments—you might even feel hurt that they
did so well on their own. Try to feel proud of their growth, acknowledging it with positive words.
New Rules: Things have changed at home while you were gone,
including the rules and procedures the family uses to keep things going. Some were temporary “amendments”
to the old rules to compensate for your absence, while others arose because the needs of your family changed.
In either case, don’t rock the boat. The rules that are no longer needed will fade away and
those that stay probably have a good reason.
New Roles: Those at home had to take on your roles, and reversing
them immediately to the way they were before the deployment isn’t easy or even advisable. Take some
time to renegotiate the roles that each of you play in the family relationship.
Find out what new skills everyone has learned: Make a point to learn
how everyone has grown during the deployment—and use it as a starting point for new personal relationships.
Be Patient: Starting over will be difficult for everyone.
Mixed Feelings:
Separation and the changes
it brings about can create strong—and what may seem like conflicting – emotions in you and those you love.
You may feel complete happiness about being home and at the same time worried that you might not fit back in.
Those at home might be extremely excited about having the family together again; even though they’re worried
you might resent some of their growth and accomplishments and try to “take over” everything.
These mixed feelings are normal, healthy responses to separation and reunion, and usually
require nothing more than a little time to sort out.
Common Coping Strategies:
Every individual and family
will have a unique situation to address. Some of you are returning to spouses, to children, to parents,
to civilian jobs, or to all of these things. There are some common strategies you can use to ease this
period of transition, regardless of your personal circumstances:
Arrange
quiet time: For the first month or so, set aside a regular time (perhaps
over dinner) to discuss the past few days and any questions or concerns that have come up.
Stay Positive: Keep criticism to a minimum; if it can’t be avoided,
keep it constructive. Even if you don’t agree with decisions that were made during your absence,
remember that you probably don’t know all of the circumstances, and that these decisions were made under a great deal
of stress. Remember, wisdom is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy, without
partiality or hypocrisy (James 3:17)
• Don’t expect old problems to have gone
away: If you were having difficulties with
family members before you left, it’s not likely that your being away solved the. On the other hand,
being away can give you a chance to look at things from a new perspective. The growth that you and those
around you experienced during the deployment may better equip you emotionally and psychologically to face old problems.
If you or someone you know is interested in Welcome Home–A Guide to a Healthy Family Reunion, it
is available from the American Red Cross Armed Forces Emergency Services. For our purposes in Our Hope Online, I have
taken the liberty of adding Scriptures where appropriate and making small changes in wording, where necessary to adapt the
material to our readers.
Next
month we will continue discussing families being reunited after military deployment – specifically being reunited with
children they have not seen for a year or more, or coming home to babies who were born while they were deployed. Cindy
Families Reunited After
Military Deployment
(part two)
The following material is adapted
from Welcome Home–A Guide to a Healthy Family Reunion, which is provided free of charge by the American
Red Cross Armed Forces Emergency Services. The document is intended for the military member returning home,
but there clearly are applications for those who have been keeping the home fires burning. This is part
two which deals with military members who are returning home to children, including those who were born while the military
member was deployed. Your letters about last months questions are included at the end of this article. Cindy
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RETURNING HOME TO CHILDREN
Those returning to children probably had a homecoming picture in their minds of their
toddlers running toward them shouting “Daddy” or “Mommy,” or of their older kids huddling closes and
begging for field stories. Those with “perfect pictures” may have been disappointed by what
sometimes happens – an initial display of happiness followed by sulky, withdrawn, or even hostile behavior.
To understand
why, you must first realize that even just a few months seem like a lifetime to a child, and that children instinctively adapt
rapidly to new situations. Their behavior doesn’t mean that they’ve stopped needing or loving
you. They just need some time to adjust to having you around again. Obviously, the reactions
of your child will depend on his or her personality, past experiences, and relationships with other family members.
To some degree, the situation will be further influenced by whether the parent deployed is a mother of father but there
are several things that all parents ought to keep in mind:
- Children have the same confusing feelings
adults have: worry, happiness, fear, excitement, etc. Make sure they know how happy
you are to see them again.
- They’re unsure what to expect from the returning adult. Because of their
brief memories, you might seem like a complete stranger. They may even fear that they will be punished
for x number of months’ worth of bad behavior. Put their minds at ease by praising them for helping
out while you were gone.
- Change is just as stressful for children as it is for adults – probably more so because they
have so little experience in coping with it.
- They’ve grown physically, emotionally, and socially while
you were gone; this is not the same child you left, so don’t expect the same behavior.
- There will be a readjustment
period (usually four to six weeks) for the whole family. You can make this easier by reviewing schoolwork,
family scrapbooks, or asking about their activities.
- Children don’t know how to deal with the stress they’re
feeling. They may exhibit unacceptable behavior as part of their reaction. Remember
this before you punish a child for acting up.
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Do not
be quickly
provoked in your spirit
(Eccl. 7:9)
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NEW FATHERS RETURNING
HOME
If you are a father who was deployed at the time your son or daughter was born (or
for a good part of the child’s first year), you are coming home to a completely new family. There
are some obvious changes to the family in these cases, and each of the situations described earlier applies to you, but there
are subtle – yet important – dynamics to be aware of as well:
- Baby’s needs
come first, and they’re expensive. Be prepared for a much tighter budget.
- Other
children might feel "lost" with the changes and may need help coping with the transition.
- You may feel jealous of the attention given to the infant or guilt for being away during
the pregnancy. Accept two facts: The infant’s needs will demand attention, and
the separation was inevitable. Take an active role in caring for the child as soon as possible.
SERVICE
MEMBERS
WHO ARE SINGLE
Those returning to parents or to lives on their own will face many of the same problems described earlier, only in a slightly
different context. The same messages apply, whether dealing with spouses and children or your parents,
siblings, or roommates. Focus on communicating, being patient, recognizing and adapting to the changes
that have taken place, and not rushing the necessary transition period. Because single service members may not have a convenient “support system” of
close family or friends immediately upon return, it’s important that they make extra efforts to plan a relaxed, comfortable
return back to their community. Some Tips:
Go slowly: You deserve a good time after these months away, but trying to fit
too much into your plans too soon only adds to your stress level. Spend time with your family: One
of the most heartbreaking things in the world is for a parent to lose a child, and your parents have been living in fear of
this possibility for the past several months. Make a special effort to either spend time with them or,
if geographically separated, call frequently to support and reassure them. Watch what you spend:
The “urge to splurge” now that you’re back will be strong—don’t
make any purchases you can’t afford. Set long- and short-time goals: Coming
home marks a new beginning for you. Now is the time to start making plans for tomorrow and ten years from
now. Make a list of all the things that have to be
done in the next few weeks, such as banking, making living arrangements, contacting friends, relatives, and reestablishing
your habit of attending worship regularly, and your association with local Christians.
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Ways We Can Help
By Cindy Granke
The
last two months we focused on the expectations and challenges of military families who are reunited after a deployment to
a combat area. This month we want to turn our attention to the rest of us, and how we can encourage the
military member while he is away, and his family who waits back home. We asked you, our readers, to tell
us what you think is the most difficult challenge for a Christian deployed to places like Iraq or Afghanistan. Your answers consistently were that, except for the physical dangers involved
in such situations, the most difficult challenge a Christian faces is finding other Christians with whom to worship.
In spite of the Internet’s faults, there are many blessings
that it has provided for the family of God. When have we ever had instant access to other Christians all
over the world, through email? News of our brothers and sisters in every country is readily available.
Needs and prayer requests are immediately sent across the world in times of sickness or other difficulties.
When a local Christian is moving to another location, it is quite easy to locate a church in the new area. In
addition, when our military men and women are deployed to remote places we can instantly go online to locate other Christians
who may be in the same location. Yet it is possible that our loved one may find few or no other Christians
in their area. If they do find other Christians, they may find themselves separated from each other because
of their duties or operations which take them from place to place.
What can we do to encourage and help
the military member? Here are some ideas.
First of all it is a good idea to ask the military person’s spouse or parents to let
you know what their loved one is doing regarding worship or Bible study and how you can help. There are many religious journals or periodicals published every month, and sending the current issue of one of those
along with your personal mail or care packages will give him something which is easily folded to read and study in his free
time. These can also be shared with others with whom he may be studying. Most of all, pray for the military member, that he may find others
of like precious faith.
Loneliness and
homesickness are always major challenges for anyone who is far away from home. Perhaps this is even more
so for military people who are living under extreme stress and dangerous conditions. It must be a sobering
thought for military personnel when their commanding officers have them make out a will and other such documents before leaving
on an assignment.
What can family, friends, or other brothers
and sisters in Christ do to assuage the loneliness and homesickness?
Reminders from home are foremost in
the minds of service men and women deployed from home. They are comforted by news and
well wishes from family and friends. If your loved one has access to email, that’s a wonderful way
to be in touch. And many have taken their personal cell phones with them on assignments. However,
that may not be feasible in some areas. Here are some other possibilities.
From
Family:
As we mentioned
above, letters from home are one of the biggest morale boosters you can provide. Please don’t write
about all of the deaths, illnesses and discouraging things going on back home. Send cheery news, funny
articles from magazines like Reader’s Digest humor pages. Pictures
of the children, or parents or siblings. Instead of sending a large number at one time, send one or two, but often.
It’s always a wonderful surprise to open a letter and find a picture or two enclosed.
From Friends:
Greeting cards signed by everyone
in the service person’s Bible class at church. These might include a group picture taken at a recent
get-together of congregation members. An envelope filled with short notes written by
children in various Bible classes at church. Or pictures drawn by younger children in the local congregation.
(Note: Letters written by children expressing appreciation for defending our country and it’s
way of life, and our liberty can be especially encouraging. Service men and women know if the the children
say it, their parents are saying it, too. And it’s a great way to reinforce patriotism in children,
as well).
- If you have a computer and are able to print up business cards, why
not use that size card to print up encouraging Scriptures or verses which the loved one can tuck in his pocket and keep with
him?
Care
Packages:
Once again - find out from
your service member what he needs, wants, and what he is able to take with him. I understand that Iraq
now has a number of P/X (Post Exchanges) that sell many of the items servicemen may need. But not all servicemen
are near these. So be sure to ask your love one. Keep in mind your loved
one may not have much personal space to store things. Again, if you’re unsure about anything, ask. Also
check with local post office to find out about any restrictions on packages to a particular location. No Large Shipments - especially during the holidays.
Send small boxes – 10 lbs. or less Here are some of the most requested
items from soldiers in the Middle East.
Pocket comb Toiletries
(tooth brush and paste, dental floss, soap, etc.) Chap Stick Sun
Screen Q-Tips Foot Powder Baby
Wipes Body Powder (sample size) Newspaper from
home (especially the sports section or front page news) Magazines (Reader’s
Digest is a good size with articles for everyone) Writing Tablets and pens Batteries
(AA and AAA) Pocket size games like Yahtzee or Solitare (from Wal-Mart or K-Mart
toy sections)
Neosporin Cough
Drops Socks Midol or Sanitary Items Dried
Fruits Nuts Cup O Soup Powdered drink
mixes - single sizes to add to bottled water (Kool-aid, Gatorade, etc.) Sugar packets
- singles Chewing gum Granola Bars (or other energy
bars) Crackers Tums Hard
Candy (Avoid Chocolate bars or things that melt) *
Cookies
* Due to concerns for health and safety of the
service members please send home-baked things only to your own relatives or friends. Soldiers are told
to throw away anything that is not in a factory package if it comes from someone they do not know
A note about
packing homemade cookies. Only send homemade baked goods to relatives or friends.
For safety reasons service members are told not to eat homemade items from someone other than family or friends.
When I ship home baked cookies, I use a sturdy box, line it with aluminum foil long enough to close over the top when
the cookies are packed. Star with a single layer of unsalted popcorn and layer cookies
and popcorn alternately until box is nearly full, ending with another layer of popcorn. Then wrap the aluminum
foil around the cookies securely. The popcorn provides padding to help keep the cookies from breaking,
and also keeps moisture out so the cookies stay fresh. I’ve used this method for years and it works
great. cg
Some additional suggestions from readers about helping
service families waiting back home:
1 - Invite
them to join in any and all family activities. Become a substitute papa or grandpa to the children. Offer to help with
homework. Take them on outings. Encourage the wife with cards, and include her in things women do together. Offer to baby-sit
2 - A phone call, offer to take
the kids for an afternoon so Mom (or Dad) can have a little time to herself. An encouraging card. When Mom is at services
with her hands full of wiggling children, offer to take one to sit with you. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and PRAY again for her and her
family!
3 - Always keep that family in mind when planning get togethers. Offer to babysit kids
at anytime. Take kids on outings with your own family. Be sure they have plans for holidays and include them in your own.
Offer to run errands. Take the wife out for a beauty day or massage. Treat them as you would like to be treated if your husband
was gone for a long time.
Here are some thoughts from a reader whose father returned home after World War II with
serious injuries and emotional scars.
I was born in WWII, my father was very seriously wounded
when I was 3 months old. This has been told to me so many times it feels like my memories. When he first saw me, I was 9 months
old and I wanted nothing to do with this strange man with his arm stuck out to the side with a stick and a body cast. I regret
not liking him, but kids get used to familiar faces. It must have been terribly hard on my mother but she managed to
raise me and take care of my father with his horrible memories of WWII. There were lots of troubling times since he was in
and out of the VA hospital for years.
My parents were not
Christians. It was after I married and had children I obeyed the Gospel.
Always be supportive of the situation and do the very best you can when the person returns. Letters were the only form of
communication in WWII - now to have Internet and cell phones. Just to get a quick message is wonderful and to hear their voices.
The returning person is scared of reentering the world back home as you are of having them home. Work together
for the good of the family. Above trust in the Lord and pray, pray some more. Read your Bible it will guide you. The
returning person is filled with horrible memories - some unspeakable - maybe physically wounded himself. Remember they may
not talk about what has happened to them as my father did, but their nervous reactions to thunder, lightening, loud vehicles,
or suddenly being next to them can be very frightening. It has been compared to walking on egg shells. This may never happen
to you, but be prepared for whatever may happen. Be flexible, loving and a good listener is they want to talk.
Your Advice to Military Wives and
Friends of Military
Families:
(1) Pray and pray some more for their safety and
for the knowledge and strength to do what is needed at home - be it woman or man at home. I was a Army wife during the Viet
Nam time, lucky he was not sent over there, but did have to go on manuevers in the US which was stressful and plain scary.
Lived with the fear he would be send to Viet Nam. Thankful he was not. The Army tried
to get him to stay in the Army with all kinds of promises of OCS, helicopter school, his choice of European postings next.
Ha Ha - I said take their offer and your next post will be Viet Nam and I am too young to be a widow and
your son needs a father. He opted to get out of the Army.
(2) Mine is an open letter, not only to military
wives, but to everyone who knows or will know a military wife.
It's not an
easy life. Be prepared for everyone to ask you "how is your husband doing" and if you've heard from him and
"what is he up to," but not "how are you doing," how are you coping? "what can I do to help you?"
People will seem so preoccupied with your spouse that you will feel unimportant and that they think you are not going through
anything.
I don't know why this is, but I've had other wives tell me the same
thing. People seem to think that the spouse that is deployed is the only one going through something huge, when in reality,
what the wife who is left at home goes through is much harder than what the husband is going through. He is there and he is
focused on whatever his job is. Sure he misses his family and can be in harms way, but his wife is having to deal with being
a single parent, doing all of the household chores, taking care of the kids, buying the groceries, doing the yard work, fixing
broken toilets sinks and busted pipes, getting the kids to school, practices and games, taking them to the Dr., taking care
of the pets, paying the bills, working outside the home. She is trying to keep her kids lives normal while calming their nerves
and worries, and having no one there to comfort or console her. Life doesn't stop when a husband gets deployed, it goes
on like normal, but his wife doesn't have her husband there to help. It's like having your spouse die, but not having
the support people would give to a widow.
It is especially hard for wives of a military
reservist. She doesn't have the support of living on or near a military base and all that that entails. All of your neighbors
aren't going through or haven't gone through what you are going through, when you don't live on a base.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a military spouse, and I wouldn't trade it or my husband
for anything in the world, but it is one of the hardest, most thankless jobs around.
So
remember that and let those wives know that you are there for them and keep our husbands and us in your prayers.
We’re going to talk more about that last sentence next month. If you haven’t already taken
the opportunity to add your input to that subject in the question boxes above, please do so before leaving this page.
Your suggestions and thoughts are very helpful to our readers with husbands who are deployed in Iraq and other combat zones. Cindy
(3) About readjusting after the military member comes back home:
The re-adjustment period took about the same period of time that he was gone. My
husband was gone for a year and a half and it took about that same time period for life to get back to "normal,"
for both of us. He had nightmares for about that long too, almost every night. For me my husband had to call me when he got
to work so that I knew he was there and okay, and then he would have to call me when he was coming home so that I would know
about what time he would get home.
Another difficulty I know a lot of families have, is
re-adjusting to him being "dad & husband" again and letting him back in on disciplining the kids and letting
him help make decisions with you. You've had to do everything for a long time and it's hard letting that go, but they
need to feel a part and feel needed. They need to know that you can make it without them, but they also need to know that
you can't make it without them. That they are a needed part of your family.
(4) A word of caution: I have
a comment that doesn't respond to what you are asking but rather something to be aware of and warned about. Years ago
I was part of a congregation where an army recruiter attended -- I can't remember if he was a Christian or not. He was
very active in recruiting and a few of the teenagers joined the military; at least two were females. Fortunately one got out,
but it wasn't long after the other joined that we were praying for her and for other young people that they would not
be sent to war --- the Gulf War had just begun. My advice is for parents to be aware of the influence of these recruiters
and while I'm not speaking for or against the military, we just need to be aware that our young people understand the
whole story about joining the military -- it's not just getting a free education and getting an opportunity to see the
world, there are serious responsibilities and adjustments.
My thanks to all of your ladies for sharing your thoughts and advice with other readers.
This type of discussion and sharing of experiences is invaluable to our readers. Please send us your thoughts by using
the comment boxes above, or by sending an email directly to me at cgranke@yahoo.com Your
name or email address will never be used without your permission.
When you were just our little boy, on
many a night we crept
Unto your cot and watched o'er you, and all the time you slept.
We tucked the covers round your form and smoothed your pillow too,
And sometimes
stooped and kissed your cheeks, but that you never knew.
Just as we came
to you back then through many a night and day
Our spirits now shall come
to you— to kiss and watch and pray.
Whenever you shall look
away into God's patch of sky
To think about the folks at home,
we shall be standing by.
And as we prayed and watched o'er you when
you were wrapped in sleep,
So through your soldier danger now the old-time watch we'll
keep.
You will not know that we are there, you will not see or hear,
But all the
time in prayer and thought we shall be very near.
The world has
made of you a man; the work of man you do,
But unto us you still remain
the baby that we knew;
And we shall come, as once we did, on wondrous wings of prayer,
And you will never know how oft in spirit we are there.
We'll stand
beside your bed at night, in silence bending low,
And all the love we
gave you then shall follow where you go.
Oh, we were proud of you
back then, but we are prouder now;
We see the stamp of splendor
God has placed upon your brow,
And we who are the folks at home shall
pray the old-time prayer,
And ask the God of mercy to protect you with His
care.
And as we came to you of old, although you never knew,
The hearts of us,
each day and night,
shall come
with love to you.
~ author unknown
(from a book of "Poems
of Patriotism" from
the 30's and 40's )
Make Bible story mobiles. Pick a story, draw and color
or cut out pictures that go with the story. You and the little one can draw these or cut pictures out of magazines or copy,
paste and print pictures off the internet, and glue on cardboard. String them and tie them to a coat hanger at different places
and different heights. (As always the more the child works on a project, the better it will be, keeping in mind, IT DOES NOT
HAVE TO BE PERFECT, and praise them for their work.)
NEVER BE TOO TIRED TO CHECK ON WHAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE WATCHING or HOW MUCH THEY
ARE WATCHING! (When we are so fatigued, it may be tempting to let the TV babysit for too long, as well as not keep an eye
on what the children are watching.)
ABUSE AND SUFFERING
WIVES
(Part 1)
Joanne Beckley
(My aim in this study is to help us consider any scripture that will shed light
on our concern for suffering wives. Whatever conclusions I have drawn should not affect your willingness to study. Each of
us must face our own beliefs and actions. It is my prayer that we continue to place God's Word far above our own personal
suppositions and conclusions.)
INTRODUCTION
He pushes, shoves, slaps, kicks, chokes
you.
Locks you in or out of house or car.
Threatens you with a gun, knife.
He accuses, insists, and
criticizes you sexually.
Withholds sex and affection.
Forces unwanted sex.
Uses pornography.
He
ignores, ridicules, disapproves of you.
Criticizes, calls you names, or shouts.
Refuses to work, or won't share
money.
Lies to you.
"Obey me - God said so!"
Threatens to kill himself - or you...if you leave.
Our subject this morning is one very close to our hearts and lives. We may be presently suffering, or have a family
member suffering, or know of a sister in this congregation or another who is seeking help. Statistically every one of us has
a suffering wife sitting next to her or in the next row. Shocking, isn't it? Why so many? Because the words "suffering"
or "abuse" are both subjective words. That is, each one of us has a personal definition for how we understand what
suffering or abuse is in a marriage.
I am also suggesting it is very likely that the abused woman you presently
have in mind is a Christian or was raised in a home that claimed to serve Christ. She will likely bring this background influence
of values into the present - and it will therefore not only ba physical and emotional crisis but also a spiritual crisis.
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