Caregivers

In the last issue of Our Hope I included an email from Jim Lamberth that was forwarded to me. I don't know how long brother Lamberth has been sending these emails as he sat by "Miz Beth's" side, but one thing for sure, the list of friends who have received them have been greatly blessed with spiritual thoughts and a model of true lasting love between a husband and wife. I am impressed with Jim's sense of humor, positive outlook, and reaching out to the needs of others as he himself is in such need of comfort. I'm sure as he writes he is comforted in the knowledge of friends, blessings in the Lord, and the peace that passes understanding in the knowledge that the angels will carry his best friend and loving companion to everlasting peace with the Lord.

I am saddened to say, I just received an email from brother Lamberth telling that his lovely Beth has gone home. I've included that email, along with two others he previously had sent out.

Janelle, thank you for introducing me to this wonderful couple and, brother Lamberth, my prayers of comfort are for you and my joy is shared with you in the indescribable beauty Miz Beth is now experiencing. While I know Sister Beth is no longer physically with you, I know in your heart, it will always be "Mr. Jim and Miz Beth Lamberth."  --Pat 

Date: Mon, 7 Jul 2008 17:55:28 -0500
Subject: Miz Beth "went home at 2:53 P.M. Monday, 7/07/2008

It was a very fitting occasion. We sang songs to her. I called the ones who were not here so they could talk to her on my speaker cell phone. Destin, our first grandson was holding her right hand, Shawney, his younger sister was talking to her on the speaker phone and I was holding her right hand when she left this home she had lived in since March 24, 1936, The Hospice nurse provided by VistaCare was here being sure that she was not suffering. Fortunately for all of us standing by she had a very peaceful passing.
Many prayers were answered at this time. I feel sure that she does not have a vision problem any more. I kept assuring her that I would be all right. That is a commitment that I plan to keep for her.
Our association with the over 100 of you who will get this e-mail has been such a blessing. I will probably send some more as time passes. I appreciate every one of you.
It is now just Mr. Jim Lamberth

A nice email from Jim Lamberth that had been sent previous to sister Beth's passing:

July 6, 2008

The Hospice nurse encouraged me to go to worship services this morning so I did. When I returned this afternoon I saw some further "decline" in her situation. She is a "very strong lady" but it appears that her "rally abilities" are losing some ground.

The "question" we all share is, "How long will it be before she departs for her "long home" (Eccl 12:5 KJV) where she will not have a vision problem or pain to suffer?" I truly believe that she will take a lot of love into Heaven with her (1Cor 13:13) because she had so much of it here on this earth.

While I have tried to "stay close by" over the past three months I have been away from her to take care of some things I feel she would want me to attend to. I only hope she has never felt that I have "deserted her" except for short periods of time. I guess that is another "question" I won't know the answer to in this life.

In answer to the "question" I am sure all of you want to ask, "Yes, I am still doing all right." As time passes I have to go out and "have a talk" with that pecan tree in the back corner of the yard a little more often. Me and the "tree" get along best when no one else is around. That tree, VistaCare and you people who are supporting me with your prayers and comments are doing a pretty good job "keeping me going". Of course, most important is the family members that Miz Beth and I have, surrounding us with their love, prayers and support. Then, on top of all that is Jesus Christ who came to this earth to suffer and die that we all might have "hope" of being with Him and our love ones in Heaven. I want to remind all of us that this "hope" is based on us "doing His will" while we are still alive. Again, I would remind us all that the only way we can "know His will" is to read it for ourselves, This is too important for us to depend on "hear say" or "I feel like" or "I think", etc.

I had the blessing of recently talking to a person who said they "felt like" if they kept the "ten commandments" faithfully they would be all right with God. During a long discussion I think I convinced them that since they were not Jews, even if they had lived when Moses received the Ten Commandments they would not have been "subject to them". Since there is so much controversy over the Ten Commandment plaques and memorials these days I am concerned that this person is not the only one who needs to study God's word in this area. Once I thought that I had convinced this person that there was a lot more to the "Law of Moses" than just the Ten Commandments I then tried to explain that when Christ said that he did not come to "destroy the Law of Moses, but that He was the "fulfillment" of that Law. (Matt 5:17) In other words, according to what I understand, The Law of Moses was "introduced" to "protect the lineage of Jesus Christ". Once he was born, crucified and rose, it had served its purpose and was no longer needed by God. We now live under Christ's "law", the Gospel that was delivered to us by the apostles.

Well, here I go again, Miz Beth is laying over there in the bed asleep and I am just setting here "pushing my thoughts through this keyboard". Remember, these are my thoughts as I understand things. If any of you feel that I am "misunderstanding" God's word, you would do me a great favor by helping me "get it straight". To quote a well known preacher in the Houston area, "If you miss Heaven, you have missed it all!" I want to "join Miz Beth" there some day. I realize we will not be there as "husband and wife" (MK 12:25) but I definitely feel we will know each other.

Use this form to add something to the "What I wish" list. I wish others would understand: What I Wish Everyone Knew About Being a Caregiver I have been trying to help a first cousin with dealing with her mother's situation of being in a nursing home and not being well mentally.  I have been down that road with my mother's mother and my mother.  It is hard to write what to do. But they are a long distance from where I live.  I have told my cousin to put on a happy face when visiting the nursing home, cry on the way home if necessary, talk about what is going on in your life even if the other person does not respond. My own mother was speechless after a paralyzing stroke and I talked to her just like she would answer me which she did with facial expressions or blinking of her eyes.  Lost my mother 7 years ago this week and it is still hard, as I was an only child and only grandchild of her family. Just felt the need to share this with you. I know about being a caregiver as an only child. My father raised me to be an independent thinker and taught me how to handle business affairs and money.  So after he died it was up to me to do these things for my mother.  To begin with she lived 200 miles from my home and I would spend 2 weeks with her and then come home to my husband and teenage daughter for 2 weeks.  Finally had to convince mother to move near my family.  She would seldom get out to go shopping even with me, so I would get a list from her or make one myself and go do her grocery and other shopping.  I was so depressed after she had a big stroke that left her paralyzed on the left side and brain damaged. So I had been raised and told to put her in the best nursing home I could find and keep a close watch on her.  This I did for over 4 years, changed nursing homes once.  She also lost her ability to speak so we communicated with smiles or frowns, surprising how much visiting you can get done with facial expressions from her and me asking questions or carrying on a conversation like she was going to answer me.  Had to watch for her eyes to seem clear and alert before trying to carrying on a conversation.  I can never look back and doubt I did the best I could do for her.  She has been gone for almost 7 years and I miss her still. I wish my loved one would understand I do all I can and not try and make me feel guilty that I'm not doing enough. I'm ill myself and have my own limitations.  I wish my mother would understand I'm trying so hard to be positive about the situation we are in, and for her not be so negative about everything. That is the hardest thing about my being a caregiver, is to begin a day happy and by 10 a.m. having my joy squashed by negativity. continued →

Use this box for comments or if there is a topic you'd like to discuss about caregiving. -----v----- I need patience, understanding, stamina, endurance... to remember to count my blessings... to find a little time for my own needs. 10 plus years of caring for elderly parents w/Alzheimers and my own family's financial stress caused me to become clinically depressed. For a long time I felt guilty about this because a Christian should not be depressed. I avoided talking about my problems with my brothers and sisters in the Lord for many reasons, but primarily because I knew many (who'd never faced these problems) who thought faithful Christians never faced depression. I also did not talk about it because sharing my problems was like a crack in the wall of a dam. It did not take a lot of compassion from another soul to reduce me to tears. If asked, I often joked and made light of everything but inside I was strung so tightly that I nearly broke. Rather than field questions, I appreciated a non verbal hug or expressions of admiration for my parents and for me. Little favors that made my life easier - someone volunteering to take on a responsibility at church that had been mine to carry out, work done on our house for which I would never get a bill, a favorite food of my father's brought to me on a regular basis. If you know someone who is struggling, support them and try to smooth some of life's road for them, if you can. I appreciate so much when others offer their help with my mom to give me a break. I do wish, however, if they are serious about it, that they would invite her over, rather than saying to me, "Call me if you need me." I don't feel comfortable calling, unless it is an emergency and I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings by her finding out I just want some time alone in my house. Also, if she knew I had called someone to take her she would feel uncomfortable there and feel like she was in the way.

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